How to Get a Boyfriend

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Being single isn't for everyone. Taking in the faint fragrance of cologne as you hug your boyfriend? Or just having someone to make you feel connected and safe. If you long for a boyfriend but seem to be having trouble getting one, read this article for some helpful hints to get you on your way to finding true love (and a nice, warm cuddle partner). If you’re looking to find a boyfriend and build a great connection, read on.

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Finding a Potential Boyfriend

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Meet new guys by trying out new activities, accepting invites, and getting out of the house. Before you get a boyfriend, you'll have to meet some guys. Don't worry, it isn't as scary as you think. You can try to get into a relationship with a guy you already know if they are decent, or you can go out and meet some new guys. Check if he has qualities you like in a relationship. This is easy and fun to do, so don't be nervous! Make sure when you're meeting new guys you don't come across as fake.
- Join a club, community class, or activity group. You can play a sport you like, take an art class at your local community center, or join a study group. Find something that appeals to you and you will instantly be meeting people that you have something in common with so you have something to talk about.
- Go out to clubs (adult or all-ages clubs, depending on what you prefer) and start talking with new people there. Just be careful and practice common sense.^{[1]
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- Find a group on the Internet that appeals to you. This can be a fan forum for a show or activity you like or maybe a multiplayer video game that you find fun. However, make sure you don't share your personal details online with anyone you don't know.
2
Try out a dating app. Dating apps give you a chance to meet guys who are outside of your normal social circle. Set up a profile with quality photos, add a few fun facts about yourself, and don’t be afraid to be honest about what you’re looking for. Once you match with someone, keep your messages fun and light. Here are a few ideas to get a conversation started:
- Ask for a recommendation: “Hey, what do you think is the best coffee shop around here?”
- Bring up something from his profile: “Your dog is adorable. How old is he?”
- Find out what he likes to do in his free time: “Are you up to anything fun this weekend?”
- Start up a playful debate: “Thoughts on putting pineapple on pizza?”
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3
Get to know him a bit. Once you initially meet someone, get to know him a little bit before deciding that he will be a good boyfriend. You can't judge him entirely on how he looks. Try to gauge if he meets your minimum requirements for someone to date.
- Is he funny? Smart? Nice? Decide what is important to you and gauge these things during your initial conversation. If he seems totally different than what you're looking for, it's not worth it just because he's hot.
- If you met him online and something about him instinctively rubs you in a wrong way, or his profile and pictures seem too good to be true, think of your safety and don't meet him in person.
4
Make sure he is not in a relationship. If he already has a partner, it's best to be just friends. Put yourself in his shoes: Would you want another person to meddle in your relationship? Think about it; you would probably answer "no" to this question. Backing off is helpful to everyone: him, yourself, and the person he's dating. Plus, you'll find another person eventually, so keep searching.
5
Find out what other people think of him. Ask around about what this guy is like. If his friends seem honestly happy about the idea of him being in a relationship, that is a good sign. Ask mutual friends about what they think about him and try to get to know his friends or coworkers as well. However, judging a guy entirely on what others think is not the best way to go. People may have a bad idea of him for the wrong reasons; it's best to get to know him yourself too.

Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Developing Your Relationship

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Take it slow. Don't rush your new friend, but remember: if he doesn't like you for who you are, don't spend time on him. Don't hope he'll be your boyfriend right away; give him time to get to know you too. Hang out every once in a while to begin with, then start hanging out more often if it's going well.^{[2]
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- Usually, if you hit it off and have a lot of fun together, the friendship will grow on its own into more frequent visits. Try not to be that person who looks too desperate; you don't need to decide that he is your future husband within the first week of meeting him.
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Show him what's unique about you, but remember to be yourself when you talk to him. This is especially important if he's the kind of guy who's used to having others approach him. It's important that you try to stand out a bit, but don't change who you are. Don't just be another person pursuing him for his looks. Take an interest in him as a person and show him who you are too.
- Show him the best parts of who you are! Let him get to know you. Have your limits (a guy worth dating will be okay with that), but don't be afraid to try new things. Does he listen to a band you've never heard of, or never bothered to listen to? Give it a try, you might like them! If you put forth the effort and create a genuine opinion, even if it (respectfully) differs from his, it can at least give you something to talk about.
3
Be approachable. Don't close yourself off. Try to set aside time when he knows you aren't too busy to hang out with him, and let him know that he is welcome to hang out with you. Smile and make eye contact. Try not to seem unsociable or angry unless you actually are; it may make it seem like you don't want to interact with him, and can be intimidating.
- Say you've got an extra seat if he'd like to join you for lunch.
- Smile and wave at him when you see each other across a room or talking with friends.
- Be nice to other people too. Show him that you're the kind of person that anyone can come and talk to. However, you shouldn't be nice to people just so he'll date you. Try to be a kinder person in general.
4
Talk with him. It's important to interact. Talk with him when you run into each other, and find reasons to talk more often. The more you talk, the closer you'll become, and this is a great way to build a friendship that can turn into something more.
5
Be a good friend. As you become close, be sure to be good to him. Be supportive. Be someone that he can trust and admire. Most guys tend to date people with whom they have more things in common than just attraction. Being close friends with him makes it easier for you to interact with him and for him to see what he stands to gain from being around you more often.
6
Get to know each other. Get to know who he is as a person. This will tell you if he is someone that you really want to get emotionally invested in. You don't have to like everything about him, but you do have to be accepting of your differences. You can't change some things, especially not at the beginning of a relationship, so it's important to like him as he is.
- Talking about politics, religion, your childhood and family, as well as your experiences in school and your hopes for the future will tell you a lot about who he is as a person. Let him know you're interested in his personal life, but don't invade his privacy.
7
See what you have in common. It is important that you enjoy some of the same things (so that you have something to connect over) but it is also a good idea to have some differences (so that you challenge each other and broaden your horizons). Talk and figure out what you have in common.^{[3]
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8
Find out what his status is. Try to gauge if he's open to a relationship in general. Maybe he's already got his eye on someone. Maybe he's just had a horrible breakup and he's not open to dating at the moment. You will need to respect him, his feelings, and the situation he's in by not being overly pushy if he isn't in the mood for a relationship. You may try to wait it out, but only if you're okay with just ending up his friend if it doesn't work out.
- It can be hard to get information like this without simply asking him. Try the old-fashioned method of asking around. Mutual friends may have more details. His friends may even be willing to help, if they want to see him in a relationship and they think well of you.
- Be open to the idea of just being friends. Guy friends are awesome too!
- It is important to flirt with the guys you are interested in. Don't flirt with every guy if you're only interested in a few, you may give off mixed signals.

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Making Him Fall for You

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Try to make him his best self. Everybody wants to be with someone who makes them a better person. It makes us feel good about ourselves and reassures us that we can be good people if we try. Make this guy the best version of himself by encouraging him to do the things he loves and giving him the space to do those things. However, don't push too hard. If he tells you to back off, listen.
- Remember: don't be condescending, push unwanted advice and help, or try to change him into what you want him to be. Helping him to be his best self is about helping him make the changes that he wants in his life, not turning him into what you want him to be.
2
Lead by example to help him improve. Don't criticize him harshly when he does something bad or wrong. This will make him feel horrible and he will begin to feel bad when he is around you. Instead, if he does something you don't like, lead by example to show him a better way to be. You can certainly tell him when you don't like something he does, but don't be mean or controlling about it and help him find a good way to change.
- If his grades are low and he struggles in school, set up a time to spend together studying and tutor him in subjects where you do better than he does. Don't do his work for him, but help him to realize that he can do it on his own and develop good study habits.
- If he has trouble holding down or finding a job, help him by showing the importance of good work habits or helping him look for a job. Offer to go with him to workshops for writing or building resumes, talk with him about ways that he could learn to enjoy work more, or help him find a job that he would be more interested in going to every day.
- It is especially important not to criticize him in public or in front of his friends or family.
3
Allow yourself to be your best self. Show him that you excel as a person when you're around him. Show that he makes you a better person. Just as you look to see that he is better when he is with you, he will be looking for the same. Pursue things you love and make him feel included in that part of your life. Ask him for advice on how to better yourself.
- Be cautious, however, that he's not asking you to change something he shouldn't be. If you're concerned, ask a friend what they think.
4
Show your independence. Show him that you are mentally and physically independent. You don't need him to do everything for you (although he should feel that he can help you sometimes) and that you have a mind of your own. It adds to his vision of you as a fully developed and interesting person with standards. He wants a partner, not a blow-up doll.
- Never be afraid of being totally honest about your likes and dislikes. Let him know what you think about issues and don't just agree with everything he says.
- Remember that you don’t need anyone to complete you. Cultivating a healthy sense of self is very important before embarking on a relationship. If you know who you are and are happy with that, you won’t be looking for anyone else to complete you, but you'll be bringing someone into your rich, full, wonderful life and they will be benefiting from the relationship.
5
Encourage his independence. Don't make him feel like he needs to spend all of his time with you. Don't make him your go-to source for weekend or Friday night plans. Encourage him to do things he loves and spend time with his friends by doing things that you love and spending time with yours.
- One of the reasons that many guys avoid relationships is because they feel it will trap them or keep them from doing things they like to do. Show him that if he's with you, this will not be the case.^{[4]
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6
Be yourself. If you're not, then how else would you know if he likes you for who you are? If you are pretending to be someone you are not, you will feel uncomfortable every time you are around him and that is the last thing you would like to happen. If you are uncomfortable around him, it would probably be hard to talk to him and if you can't talk to him, it will be hard to keep a relationship.^{[5]
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Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Making a Move

1
Don't be afraid to make the first move. If you find a guy who you have a lot in common with, don't wait for him to ask you to hang out. If you are scared to ask him because you think he doesn't like you, ask anyway. It's scary, but it won't hurt you, and you only stand to gain in the long run.
- He might also be shy, so he might not be the one to approach, either because he thinks you're out of his league or because he fears you might reject him.
2
Flirt with him. Flirt with him to let him know that you're definitely interested. Lean in during conversations, touch him casually and lightly, and compliment him (do so honestly, people can always tell the difference).
3
Start a flirty conversation over text. For a sweet approach, send him a song or photo and let him know it reminded you of him. If you want to keep things fun and playful, share a hilarious meme or GIF that’ll make him smile. You can also text him a random compliment to make him feel special or ask an open-ended question about something he’s interested in.
- Send a cute text to show you appreciate him: “Everyone must be wondering why I’m smiling at my phone right now :) ”
- Ask a genuine question to start a deeper conversation: “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done?”
- Try sending him a sweet goodnight text or good morning message: “I wish I could stay up all night talking to you. Sweet dreams ❤️”
4
Ask him on a date. If all else fails and he's still not asking you out on his own, go right ahead and make your move. You don't want him to get away! Have a date in mind (something that will appeal to him) and go straight up and ask. Try to be confident, as most people find this attractive.

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Making Connections in the Future

1
Be a good partner. Be someone that's good to date. Dating is a skill that takes practice and preparation. If you become known as a great person to date, it will be much easier to find a boyfriend in the future. Be supportive. Be someone that's great to be around.
2
Don't be critical, lazy, or possessive. Do not become known as someone who is critical, lazy, or possessive in relationships. These qualities will make others not want to date you. Give your boyfriend his space, let him be himself and continue to make yourself a better person by going out and doing things.
3
Don't cheat on your boyfriend. The best way to guarantee that no one in your social circle will ever want to date you is to cheat on your boyfriend. Be loyal and keep your attention on him. To maintain a relationship, you should commit to the person and stop looking for the next best thing. If you'd rather be flirting and hanging out with someone else, then you need to break up with the guy you're dating. It isn't fair to either of you if you'd rather be somewhere else.
- If you break up, be gentle about it. Try not to hurt his feelings any more than you have to, and be respectful of him even after you guys are done. Nobody wants to date a heartbreaker.

Get More Dates with this Expert Series for Women

Dating is hard. We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you get more dates, go on better dates, and ultimately find your person.

1

Be an Attractive Woman

11 Clear Signs He Likes You After ...

5

Tell Someone You Don't Want to Go ...

6

Transition from Dating to Relation...

Warnings

Seeming "clingy" and "dependent" runs you the risk of quickly becoming a turn-off for them. They'll end up dumping you. Make sure that doesn't happen by creating a wide network of friends and by changing a wrong attitude.

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Don't be pressured into a relationship. If you feel threatened or pushed to do things you don't want to, end your relationship. No one has the right to make you feel that way.

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Don't act snobby, or he won't like you. You might see other people doing that, but that's not why they like them. It's either because of his body or something of the sort. If it's not that, he is a terrible person. So, just move on.

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Don't date people for dares; when the truth comes out, your date will feel very hurt.

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Don't get upset if a relationship doesn't work out. There are plenty of nice guys out there who would be perfect for you.

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If you realize that he is trying to make another person jealous, it would be a complete waste of time to be with him.

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If you make a bold move or ask him out, remember that he might reject you! Don't take it personally but if you want to then get to know him more and then see how he reacts when you do it/something like it again!

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Don't let him get you down. If he is trying to change you, break up with him. He obviously doesn't like you for who you are.

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If you have something that you want to share but are afraid that he will feel bad, try writing a letter to him. If he doesn't seem to understand this letter, sit him down and talk to him face to face.

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Be very clear about what kinds of behavior you will and won’t accept, as well as how to assert your boundaries. This is essential to a healthy relationship. Look to others for examples of relationships you feel are healthy and study how they assert boundaries around their time, what they are willing to give, and how they wish to be treated.

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