How to Talk to a Guy over the Phone

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: September 6, 2022 References

Want to call the guy you're crushing on but don't know what to say? Or are you stumped on how to talk to the guy you're dating on the phone? Whether it's your crush or your boyfriend, it can be difficult to know what to say to a guy on the phone. Here are some ways for you to call that special guy in your life.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Talking to Your Crush

1
Relax. Take a few deep breaths. If you are too jittery or uncomfortable, it is likely that he will feel uncomfortable as well or you could scare him off. Just act natural, be yourself, and remember, he is just a guy.
- Make sure you are in a place where you're comfortable and are not likely to get interrupted. You are more likely to be relaxed and confident in your conversation.
- It might not just be you that's nervous. If you have been giving hints that you like him, he might be waiting for a more obvious sign that you do in fact like him. Calling him is a good way to get this across.^{[1]
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2
Think of what to say. Before calling, think about some topics that you know interest him. Discussing a movie he likes, a sport he plays, or a video game you now he plays are good ways to get him talking and to learn more about him. Maybe you are in class together and you need some help on an assignment. You can write down a list of topics to go through, but don't rely on that too much. You want to make it casual and impromptu.
- Ask him things like "How did baseball practice go last night?" or "What are you writing your term paper about?" to get him talking about things he loves or knows. These are open enough that he can elaborate and will get him talking.
- Make sure to focus on a few topics that you know a little bit more about as well. You don't want it to seem fake or rehearsed when you talk about these topics.^{[2]
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3
Find the right greeting. Whether he picks up, someone else picks up, or he isn't there, think about what you are going to say. When he answers the phone, give a casual but excited greeting. Since you've never talked to him on the phone before, make sure you mention who it is, saying something such as "Hi, this is Mary. How have you been?". People generally sound different on the phone than they do in real life.^{[3]
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- If someone other than the guy answers the phone, don't be nervous to ask for him. Just be polite and ask if he is available.
- If you get his voicemail, stay calm. Leave a message, letting him know who you are, your number, and that you want him to call you back. If you think your date is silly or fun enough, you can leave a goofy message for him, something along the lines of "If you can't reach me when you call, I might be out, or I might have gotten abducted by aliens." It shows that you know what kind of guy he is and that you're not too serious.
4
Ask engaging questions. Ask questions that have more than one word answers, such as "What do you think of the movie you saw last weekend?" or "What is the best part of that new game I heard you bought?". This is the time to use the list of topics you thought about before you called him. Find a way to bring up those topics and then ask him questions about them. This gets him talking about his interests and lets him know you noticed him.^{[4]
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- Try to avoid questions like "What's up?". They are very vague and don't give the conversation anywhere to go. Also avoid asking what his favorite food or color is. These questions are really common and won't make you seem interested or interesting. This is the time to show him how great you are.^{[5]
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EXPERT TIP

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert

Try talking about bad first dates for a fun icebreaker. Pretty much everybody has been on a bad date at some point in their life, or maybe you've received creepy messages online. Sharing those can give you something to talk about, but at the same time, it helps show that you're not like that.
5
Listen. You don't want to monopolize the conversation, so make sure you listen to him as much as you talk. No one likes it when they spend the entire time on the phone and can't get a word in. Also pay attention when he's answering the questions you ask him. Respond to things he says, giving your input when needed or laughing when he makes a joke or says something funny.
- Even if you have something you really want to say, make sure you don't interrupt him. You don't want to seem rude and want to give him plenty of time to get his thoughts out. He would probably love to hear what you have to say, just wait until the right time to give your response.^{[6]
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6
Answer thoughtfully. Pay attention to the questions he asks you. Give adequate, lengthy responses that fully answer his questions. If you give clipped, short answers, he might think you aren't interested. You want him to know that you are paying attention and that you want to keep talking. Also try to incorporate some of your interests into your responses, with topic starters like "I've never played that video game, but I'm really love playing strategy board games." These give him little hints about you and will help you two get to know one another. ^{[8]
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- Don't overshare. You want to keep some things to talk about at a later time, hopefully when he asks you out on a date. You also want to keep him interested.^{[9]
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- Try not to sound cocky. You don't want him to think you're arrogant or showing off too much. This could make him think twice about calling you in the future.
7
Keep the call short. Find a natural place to end the conversation without sounding rude. You can either use a real or fake excuse, but cut off the conversation when it is still going well. This will leave him wanting more and will encourage him to call you next time. Try to say things like "I had a great time talking to you, but I'm meeting my friends for coffee in half an hour." This let's him know that you like him but also lets him know you aren't going to be sitting at home waiting by the phone.^{[10]
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- You don't want to keep him on the phone too long. If either of you are pausing too long or are trying to fill the silence, it means you've probably gone on too long. Try to figure out a way to pick up the conversation before you hang up. You don't want to leave it on a low note.^{[11]
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- Most guys don't talk on the phone that much, so an extended conversation might not be his thing. You also don't want to run out of things to say.^{[12]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Talking to Your Boyfriend

1
Relax. Even if you are dating someone, calling them can still be nerve-racking. Just remember to be calm. Since he is your boyfriend, you don't have to stress as much, even if the relationship is new. You know he likes you and should be happy to talk to you on the phone.
- Make sure you're in a comfortable and quiet place. You are more likely to be relaxed and will be able to talk longer without interruption.
2
Think of things to say. If the last few times you talked were filled with silences, think about things you want to know about you boyfriend before you call him. Is there a game you know he just bought that he's been playing? Ask him if and why he likes it. Try to remember small details that he's brought up when you were last together, such as "How did that paper turn out that you were working on a few days ago?" This way, he knows you pay attention to him when you're together and knows you care.
- This is especially helpful if you find that you've run out of things to say the last few times you've been together or talked on the phone. This doesn't mean that the relationship isn't working, but it could just mean that you're both shy or that you two don't know each other that well yet.
EXPERT TIP

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert

Try talking about whatever you've just been doing. Try to keep things feeling natural. For instance, you might say something like, "I just got back from the gym," and that can transition into a conversation about working out.
3
Call him. Don't wait around for him to call you. Just because he's the guy, that doesn't mean that he is the one initiating everything. Calling him lets him know you're thinking about him, that you care, and that you are still interested in him.
- Make sure you don't call him too much. This seems clingy and you don't want to suffocate him. Keep it balanced.^{[13]
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4
Ask about important things. Don't be afraid to ask personal or difficult questions. Ask him what his future goals are, what his life's ambition is, or what he is most scared of in the world. Try phrasing it in a way that makes it open ended for him to fill in as much detail as he wants, such as "I know you're majoring in civics. What would be your dream job?". This lets him know you care about him on a personal level and that you want to know all the different parts of his personality.^{[14]
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- Don't ask him where he thinks the relationship is going or other questions dealing with your relationship. This might scare him off or make him uncomfortable.
5
Answer thoughtfully. Make sure you pay attention to the questions he asks you. Give adequate, lengthy responses that fully answer his questions. If you give clipped, short answers, he might think you're mad at him.^{[15]
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- Don't overshare. Even though you are trying to get to know each other better, you want to keep some things to talk about at a later time so there is still mystery in your relationship.^{[16]
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- Try not to sound cocky. You don't want him to think you're arrogant or showing off too much.
6
Discuss common interests. Pick things that you know you both have in common. This way, you both will have something to contribute to the conversation and you can find some common ground. By giving your perspective, you let him know that you have your own mind while still having similar interests to him.^{[17]
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- Don't bring up topics that you know you disagree on. If he does, don't lie and tell him you agree with him, but steer the conversation back to a safer topic with phrases like "I don't necessarily agree with that policy, but I do agree with your stance on that new health bill." You don't want to start a fight or bring unnecessary strife to your phone conversation.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Try giving him compliments. When you're talking to someone you like on the phone, give them compliments, like "Listening to your voice on the phone is like listening to a great piece of music." Be romantic, and talk about things you'd like to see or do together. You can also tell a story about how you saw something that reminded you of them.
7
Listen. No matter if you are uninterested in what he's discussing or if he's told a particular story before, listen to what he has to say. When he answers your questions, pick up things to bring up later or use them to get to know him better. Just don't monopolize the conversation. You want him to know that you don't always have to be in control of the conversation.
- Don't be afraid of silences. Just because there is a pause in conversation, this doesn't mean that the phone call is going badly. Silences can mean that you're becoming more comfortable with one another and that you just enjoy being in each other's presence.^{[18]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you start a conversation with a guy over the phone?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

Try to avoid the small talk and everyday questions, and just get into what's going on in your life or start out with a funny story. Saying something like “wow, you won’t believe what my coworker just did” or “have you seen this new Netflix documentary? I'm watching it right now” would let the conversation naturally evolve, and it is more entertaining and looks less desperate than just saying, “Hey, what's up?”
Question

My conversations with my boyfriend are filled with silence, does it mean he doesn't like me? We have been together for a month now, but he still says he loves me and that I am beautiful.

Irvin Bhangal

Community Answer

It is still really early in the relationship, and there may just be some awkwardness between you two. It does not mean that he doesn't like you. Try to find some conversation starters to help fill the space. Ask him things such as how his day was, if anything interesting happened, or talk about your experiences, such as favorite vacations, places to visit, foods to try together, childhood memories, etc. You guys still have a lot to learn about each other. Ask questions that can help start a conversation.