How to Turn a Girl On

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: January 24, 2023 References

Wondering what turns a girl on? Whether you're new to the game or just want to add some spice to your current routine, we're here to help you get your girl revved up and ready to go. It's actually easier and less mysterious than you might think. Read on for expert advice on the best turn-ons for girls.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Charming Her

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Make her feel you find her attractive. You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you find out that someone thinks you're good looking? That's what you want to create for her. The fact that you think she's lovely to look at is a significant turn-on. Here's how to communicate it without going overboard:
- Say "Hey, pretty lady" or "Hello, beautiful" when you greet her. It's simple and short, but direct (and potentially patronising - use with caution).
- Pay her a compliment.^{[1]
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  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Lower the volume and tone of your voice slightly, and say something like "You look amazing today" or "I love your eyes."
2
Be the best version of yourself. Be the person who's honestly kind, a person who respects her and thinks she's more beautiful than the most picturesque sunset. Be the person who works hard and makes it easier for her to work hard, by helping to shoulder her burdens.^{[2]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} This will all mostly keep you from turning her off!^{[3]
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3
Be confident, even if you don't act like it. Some girls like a person who is nervous and even klutzy around her, but don't overdo it. If the girl is shy, be confident; if the girl is confident, feel free to act somewhat shy. Keep your shoulders straight and your chin high, and don't be afraid to look her in the eyes. You're communicating through your body language that you're strong, brave, and worthy of her attention.^{[4]
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Clean yourself up. Shower, put on deodorant, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes. If you're feeling up to it, you can also do your hair and put on a light spray of cologne or perfume. Knowing that you're at your physical best will help you act confident and in-charge.^{[5]
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5
Know how to treat a girl like a lady. Save the dirty jokes and discussions of bodily functions for your friends. When you're with the girl you like, be polite. Use good table manners, hold the door open for her, and say please and thank you. Good manners aren't necessarily attractive, but bad manners are definitely unattractive, so play it safe.^{[6]
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6
Set the mood. Getting aroused is environmental and mental. Light candles, turn up the room's temperature, drink a little wine, play sexy music, or dim the lights. Setting the mood can turn both of you one and make all the difference.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Turning Up the Heat

1
Start with slow, friendly, gentle touches outside of the bedroom. You can do these in passing, at the end of a date, while you're watching a movie, whenever — the point is that they don't have to be saved for when you're already making out. They can, however, indicate that you're interested in doing a little more.^{[7]
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2
Whisper in her ear. Ears are an erogenous zone for all genders, and the light pressure of your breath will probably feel good. Saying the right things will also turn her on. Try something like: "I couldn't stop thinking about you today".^{[8]
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3
Touch her in and outside the bedroom. If you're fairly sure it will be welcomed, try touching her intimately. A few places to touch her include:
- Her neck: You can gently run your thumb over her hairline if your arm is already around her shoulders, or offer to give her a neck rub. Keep your motions slow and light.^{[9]
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- Her wrists: Lightly stroke the inside of her wrist or her palm. A few slow kisses on the inside of the wrist could work, too.^{[10]
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- Her leg: This works only if you're both sitting down. Place your hand on her thigh or knee and let it rest there lightly. If she seems receptive, you can try slowly moving your thumb back and forth over her leg, keeping the rest of your hand where it is.^{[11]
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- Her scalp: The scalp is a sensitive area for most people, and the light (repeat: light, not hard) tugging that comes from you playing with her hair will feel nice. Run your fingers through it, twirl it, or stroke it.^{[12]
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4
Warm your girl up. The key to turning a girl on is being patient. As fast as people usually get turned on, some ladies need about that much build up. This means that you'll have to lay a little ground work and take the seduction part nice and slow.^{[13]
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- A huge part of warming her up, of course, is making her feel comfortable and safe. You're going to see a lot of steps below about respecting her, seeking consent, and otherwise doing things that you might not think of as "turn-ons". Don't neglect them, they're important.^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Sex is very mental, as well as mutual, and if you help them by making it so that they don't have to worry, as well as understand what you mean, then that's half the battle.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Sealing the Deal

1
Ensure you have consent with anything you do. If you touch a girl without her consent, it is sexual assault. A simple "Is this OK?" or "Can I touch you here?" is enough. If she says yes enthusiastically, you're all clear; if she doesn't, stop immediately.^{[15]
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Talk dirty. Fantasy and thinking are important parts of arousal. Talking dirty can really help her. Be sure to ask if she's comfortable with dirty talk, as this can make some people uncomfortable.
3
Give her an amazing kiss. If it's done right, a kiss can be the most effective way of turning a girl on. Keep your breath fresh with some gum or mouthwash and keep your lips loose. Tight, puckered lips is how you kiss your grandma! You should also keep the tongue action delicate (at first). The motions should be light, soft and alternate between fast and slow.^{[16]
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- Know where to put your hands. The back of her neck, the sides of her face, or around her waist are all good areas for your hands to rest during a kiss.
4
Tell her what you want. Many girls are way more sexual than you, potentially. Give them credit for that and there's nothing wrong with telling them how much you want them (once you've gotten your foot in the door a bit). This actually turns them on! Think about it: you feel turned on when you feel desirable too. Don't be really gross about it but don't be afraid to tell them how sexy you think they are and how you can't wait to get them in bed.
5
Focus on more intimate erogenous zones. If you tried some of the suggestions above and she seemed receptive, here are some more intimate areas you can work with, using light touches and soft, slow kisses.^{[17]
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- Neck, throat, collarbones and shoulders
- Feet and ankles
- The small of her back (toward the bottom of the spine)
- Back of the knees
- Navel / belly button
- Inner thighs
- Ears
- The inside of her upper arm

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Driving Her Wild

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Pay attention to lubrication. Friction can cause skin to become sensitive or even painful. Low friction also increases pleasure. Consider getting a quality, water-soluble lubricant to keep everything slick and sexy-feeling if you plan on some prolonged fun times, but, for lots of people (certainly not all) additional lubrication mostly required if they are turned on, but it definitely doesn't hurt. Replacement water-based lubricants are important in place of, or addition to, natural lubricant.^{[18]
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Use some variety. If you find an area where she likes to be touched, don't overuse it. Instead, back away from it for a while and slowly make your way back, touching everything around and up to it. The anticipation will make it more intense when you finally do touch her.
3
Leave her wanting more. Leaving before the other person gets bored is a good rule for most social interactions, but it's particularly important here. If you break off contact while she's still interested, you'll be on her mind constantly.
4
Take your time. When you get in bed, start making out and rip each other's clothes off. Go slowly and take your time--this is especially important if your partner needs more time to get aroused. Tease each other and go slowly.
5
Introduce a bit of kink. If you two are okay with this, try adding a bit of kink to the mix. You don't have to go wild, but a blindfold or tying her hands back with a silk scarf can force her to focus on what she's feeling and turn things up a notch.
6
Learn some anatomy. If you really want to get serious, one of the better ways to physically turn her on is to understand their anatomy. Get a good primer on her anatomy from reliable sources and start experimenting if she's okay with it.
7
Master different types of kisses. The neck and inner thighs tend to be the obvious spots. If you want to get her writhing, trail some kisses along the side of her ribs (that spot that's so easy to tickle), the curve of her stomach just past where her abs are, and the protruding bit of her hip bone, usually found just above or just below the waistband. If you feel daring, move under her waistband and perform cunnilingus. Done right, this will drive her crazy!
- If you're having trouble turning her on, try communicating with her about her wants and desires. You can get expert help with wikiHow’s course: How to Talk about Sex (Without Feeling Awkward). This course is created by a Sex and Relationship Psychologist, and it will walk you through how to talk to your partner about kissing, sex, and other intimate activities.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I know that someone is attracted to me?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

If a person is interested in you, they may be overly curious about you. They may give you extra attention in the presence of other people and offer you many compliments.
Question

What can a man do to be more romantic?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

He can do little things to show that he cares for her. He can share her work without her asking. For example, he can get flowers for her or do the laundry, or cook for her even though she has not asked him to do it.
Question

What should I do to turn my girl on?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

You should talk to the girl and find out what she likes and understand her sexual needs. Then go ahead and do the things that can arouse her.

Warnings

If she does not respond, stop and ask her what's wrong. Unless she gives a clear "yes", assume it is a "no".

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If she says no, then stop.

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If she is drunk or asleep, she cannot give consent and taking advantage of her would be sexual assault.

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When performing cunnilingus, always get consent and wear a dental dam to prevent the spread of STDs or STIs.

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