How to Ask a Guy out (if You're a Girl)

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: November 11, 2022 References

You've been flirting for weeks and you're pretty sure he's into you, but he still hasn't asked you out. You may think you have to keep waiting around for him to get it together and ask you out, but you don't have to wait. It's totally fine for a girl to ask a guy out first (most guys love it!). You can take the initiative and ask him out.

Section 1 of 4:

Is it okay to ask a guy out first?

No matter who you are, you should feel comfortable asking your crush out. The truth is, there's no right or wrong person to make the first move. If you're a girl asking out a guy, that's amazing! He'll probably love how confident you are, and that you're not afraid to go after what you want. If anyone tries to tell you that a girl shouldn't ask a guy out first, know that they're totally wrong. This is the 21st century; you should feel empowered to take your dating future into your own hands.

Section 2 of 4:

Asking Him Out

1
Be confident. When you get ready to ask the guy out, have confidence in yourself. It may seem scary, but don't let fear stop you from going through with it. Without confidence, you may end up giving in to insecurities. Remember, you are awesome and deserve nice things, so keep telling yourself that you can do this!^{[1]
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- Don't be scared that the guy will not like it if you ask him out. Most guys today are okay with girls asking them out, and if they aren't, they are probably not the guy for you!
2
Look nice but casual. When you ask him out, make sure you look nice, but not too nice. You don't want to dress up in clothes you don't normally wear to ask him out. Wear clothes similar to what you usually wear when you see him, and keep your makeup and hair like you normally do, too. Don't try to do something different to impress him. Just be your normal, wonderful self!^{[2]
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- For example, don't put on a dress, fake eyelashes, and tons of makeup if this isn't what you normally wear. This may make you seem too intense or desperate.
3
Keep it low-key. When you ask him out on a date, make sure to keep it low stakes and casual. Remember, this is a first date and you are still getting to know this guy, just as he's getting to know you. Keeping it casual can put you both at ease and helps you avoid looking desperate or too intense.^{[3]
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- Try asking him for a casual meal. Say, “Would you like to go get coffee?” or “Would you like to grab lunch with me?”
4
Be specific when suggesting a date. When asking your guy out on a date, try to have a specific date in mind. Saying something like “We should hang out” or “Let's do something sometime” is non-committal and may not lead anywhere. Instead, ask him out to a specific activity so it's clear that you two will be on a date.^{[4]
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- For example, you may want to say, “Let's grab a smoothie after the gym” or “Let's go to trivia at the local pizza place tomorrow.”
5
Avoid asking him out in front of others. Taking the plunge around others, especially his friends, may result in a rejection, even if he is interested in you. Wait until the two of your are alone to ask him out.^{[5]
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- If he's around his friends, wait until the two of you are apart from the group. Start talking to him casually so you don't bombard him with the question out of the blue.
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Ask the guy out if you can handle a rejection. Taking the step to ask a guy out puts you in a vulnerable position. You have to be comfortable with hearing “no” because that is always a risk when asking someone out. If you can brush off a guy turning you down, ask out whichever guys you want.^{[6]
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- Some people cannot handle romantic rejection. If you think it will hurt you too much to hear “no,” then you may want to wait for him to ask you out.

Section 3 of 4:

Finding Other Ways to Ask Him Out

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Suggest a casual outing. If you don't want to just obviously ask the guy on a date, you can suggest hanging out instead. Ask the guy about his interests or something fun he's done recently. Then, you can suggest that the two of you go do something like that during the upcoming weekend.^{[7]
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- For example, if the guy says he likes baseball, you can say, “We should catch the game this weekend!” or “I haven't been to the batting cages in forever. We should go on Friday!”
- You could also wait for him to mention something he likes doing, like watching rugby or playing tennis. When he talks about this, say something like "You'll have to invite me along sometime!"^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- You could always suggest a date over text, too.^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
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Invite him out with your friends. If you are too nervous to ask him out on a solo date, try inviting him to a group outing. Get a bunch of your friends together and do something fun and low-key where you can talk and engage with him.^{[10]
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- For example, you can ask him out to dinner, for drinks, or to a movie. You can say, “We're going to grab dinner tomorrow night. You should come with us!”
3
Buy him a drink. If you are out with friends and see a cute guy, tell the bartender to send him a beer (or a soda, if you're underage!). This allows him to know you're interested and puts the ball in his court to make the next move.^{[11]
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- If he isn't interested, you haven't wasted too much time and took a chance. This kind of move can be low stakes and easy, especially if you aren't good with approaching guys.

Section 4 of 4:

Getting to Know Him First

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Start a conversation with him. Getting to know the guy before asking him out is important. This helps you figure out if you two have anything in common and if he is interested in you. Talking to him can show that you are confident and have interesting things to talk about. If he listens and asks questions or responds, odds are he's interested in you, too.^{[12]
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- Try starting a conversation about something fun you did this week, like your amazing hike or a tennis game you went to.
- Sometimes guys aren't sure if you're single, interested, or just want friendship. Talking to him can help let him know you're interested.
- Above all, focus on talking to him before you worry about getting asked out.^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
2
Flirt with him. One of the best ways to gauge a guy's interest is to flirt with him. Do small things to flirt, like touching his arm or letting him touch your arm. Smile and laugh with him and let him do the same. Make sure to keep eye contact and your body language open.^{[14]
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- Using humor can be a good way to flirt with the guy you're interested in. Make small jokes and keep it light hearted.
3
Wait for him to ask. If you want to wait for him to ask before you ask him out, give it a few encounters. Talk to him, flirt, and show that you are interested in him. If he is interested, most guys will go on and ask you out somehow.
- Other guys may be shy, or maybe he just isn't good at reading signals. If he likes being around you and talking to you, though it's a good indication that he is interested.
4
Ask him out if you think he's going to say yes. Assess the situation and determine if you feel comfortable asking the guy out. You don't want to ask out a guy who isn't interested, so think about your interactions with him. If you're fairly confident he will say yes, go ahead and ask him.^{[15]
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Community Q&A

Question

How should I react if the guy I ask out rejects me?

Community Answer

Accept it and move on. You will probably face multiple rejections, and that's okay. Not everyone is compatible. Just don't give up or refuse to ask someone out again!
Question

What if y'all are in high school?

Community Answer

You can follow the same advice! Be casual, flirt, get to know him, talk to him, and then be confident when you finally ask him out!
Question

What do you do when you want to ask out your crush but they are awkward?

Community Answer

Try to make him feel at ease and less awkward. Odds are, he's very shy and nervous, just like you. Talk to him, get to know him, and make him feel comfortable around you before asking him out.