How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: April 15, 2022 References

To get a guy to ask you out, you have to subtly let him see that you want to get to know him, and drop hints that you're ready for a date. There are a few things you can do to make him see that you want him to ask you out, from using positive body language to letting him know your schedule. If you want to know how to get a guy to ask you out in no time at all, just follow these easy steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Let Him Know You’re Interested

1
Work your body. Your body language will let him know that you see him as more than a friend. There are a few minor tricks that can help you show him that you want him to ask you out.^{[1]
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Research source} Here's what you can do:
- Maintain eye contact.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Look into his eyes long enough to make him smile and then look away. Make it clear that he has your attention.
- Play with your hair from time to time.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Make it look sexy, and like you like him, not like you're fidgeting.
- Whether you're sitting up or standing, you should lean in towards him.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Keep your arms at your sides or use them to gesture, so he feels that your body is "open" for communication.
- Look down at the floor occasionally. This will make you look cute.
2
Flirt. Flirting is a great way to take your relationship to the next level and show that you want him to ask you out. You can be a subtle flirt and drop hints that you want to go on a date without coming on too strongly.^{[5]
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Research source}
- Speak softly but not too quietly. This will make you look more alluring and will make the guy lean in to talk to you.
- Find a subtle way to compliment him. Let him know he's cute or that he looks nice without being too obvious about it.
- Be enticing. Show a little cleavage or wear something that shows off your best assets. Remember, be modest (guys like integrity), but showing off a little is a great way to get a guy to notice you. You can still keep it classy while getting the guy's attention.
- Tease him. Playfully make fun of one of his interests or a unique piece of clothing he's wearing.
- Remember to keep it light. Flirting is all about subtlety.
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3
Get to know him. If you want him to know you're interested in going out on a date, then you have to show that you're interested in him as a person. You don't have to arrange a sit-down interview to show that you care about who he is and what he likes to do.^{[6]
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Research source} Here's what to do:
- Ask a few questions about his interests. This is non-invasive and guys like talking about what they love.
- Virtually all guys like music. Ask him what is his favorite type of music. Then ask him what his favorite song is. He will love that you are taking an interest in him instead of yourself.
- Show that his opinion matters. Ask him what he thought of a new controversial movie or a political issue that's been buzzing in the media. Just don't pick something so controversial that you could end up in an argument.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Drop Hints

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Use your common interests to your advantage. If you share some interests, you have even more of a reason to go out on a date. Once you get to know the guy and know that you have a few things in common, you can use them as a reason to take your friendship to the next level.
- Music is a great common interest. If you have the same favorite band, you can talk about the band and maybe mention that they'll be playing in town soon, and see if he asks you to go with him. Play up your interests so he has more of a reason to ask you out.
- See if you have the same favorite sports team. If you're really into the same baseball team, talk about the team and casually ask if he's been to a game recently.
- Use food as a talking point. If you both happen to mention that you love Greek food, you can ask if he's been to the new Greek place in town.
2
Have your friends drop some hints. Your friends can also help you get him to ask you out without coming on too strong. If your friend makes a comment at the right time, it could influence him to ask you to go on a date. Here's how your friends can help you hook your crush:
- One of your friends can subtly tease him and ask when he's going to get up the courage to ask you out. Just make sure it doesn't seem like you told your friend to do this.
- If you're always around the guy, have a friend say, "Aw, there goes my favorite couple again." This will be awkward, but it'll let him know that people see you two together.
- Have a friend casually bring you up in conversation, to see how he reacts. If he reacts positively, the friend can say that you two should get to know each other better.
3
Talk about your plans. If you find a way to casually talk about your plans, whether it's a plan to go to a fun concert or party or just to grab coffee in between classes, this will be an easy way for him to join in. If you mention something that sounds appealing to him, it will lead to a low-pressure hangout session that could turn into a date.
- If you're going to a fun party that weekend, mention it. He may want to join in, especially if you have mutual friends who are going.
- If you happen to run into him, you can tell him you're going for a walk or grabbing a snack, he may want to join in.
- If you're walking back from class or an activity together, find a subtle way to say that you're hungry or in need of a caffeine fix, and he may ask you to grab a quick bite or to get a coffee.
- Mention if you're doing something fun in a few weeks. If you have big plans to check out a new bar, movie, or concert, he may want to join you when the time comes.
4
Let him know your schedule. Letting the guy know what your schedule looks like is different from talking about your plans. If you tell him what your schedule looks like, then he'll be more likely to ask you out if your schedules align or if he knows you have some free time. Try not to sound too busy, or he'll think that you don't have time for a date. On the other hand, don't sound so free that you look desperate.
- If you have some classes together, let him know when you have breaks in your schedule. If he knows you have a few hours to kill in between classes, he may ask you to get lunch.
- If you're passing by your favorite bar, you can casually say, "I love that place. I always go there for happy hour on Wednesdays." This is a subtle way of telling him that he should come along.
- If you have a free weekend ahead, let him know. Say, "My last three weekends have been so busy -- I'm really looking forward to doing something fun and low key this weekend."
- If you have a favorite coffee shop, tell him that's where you go to get work done a few evenings a week. Lure him in by saying it has the best coffee in town or recommend one of its specialties.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Know What Not to Do

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Avoid the Friend Zone. You need to make sure that the guy doesn't have you firmly planted in the friend zone and that he doesn't think he's in your "friend zone" either. There are a few things that you can do to draw the distinction between "just friends" and "more than friends".^{[7]
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Research source}
- If he tries to treat you like another one of the guys, don't let him. Make it clear that you're not just there to be his buddy. If he invites you out with a group of guys, look nice, like you're dressing for a date.
- Look at how he asks you for advice. If he's always asking you what he should do about one girl or another, then he may just view you as a friend. Try to change the subject and show him that you're girlfriend material.
2
Avoid letting him know how much you want to go out with him. There's a difference between dropping hints that you'd like him to ask you out and being very obvious about how much you want to go on a date. If you're too obvious, you won't leave anything to the imagination, and you won't seem as desirable.
- Avoid lavishing him with attention. He will be overwhelmed and it's better to play it cool.
- Avoid constantly asking him to hang out. If he's not responding, he may not be feeling it.
- Avoid talking about how free your weekends are or how flexible your schedule is. Instead, talk about all the fun plans you have ahead. He should feel like he should try to squeeze into your busy schedule if he wants to see you, not like you're waiting around for something fun to do.
3
Don't wait around too long. If you really want the guy to ask you out and feel like you've been dropping hints and letting him know you want to go out forever, then there are two things you can do.
- Move on. If you've made it clear that you want him to ask you out and he just won't budge, maybe he's just not that into you and you should find someone more worthy of your affection.
- Ask him out. If he's just really shy but you have the sense he wants to get to know you better, just be bold and ask him out. If you're nervous about it, ask him to hang out with you in a big group first.

Community Q&A

Question

What if your "crush" likes someone else but the other girl doesn't like him back? He's "dateless" and I've been dropping hints for a while. What should I do?

Community Answer

Enough with the hints! Just tell him how you feel about him before he makes a fool of himself. If he wants a great date, then you're the girl! However, if you're only hinting about it, he's clearly not into guessing, so have the courage to speak up and find out for real.