Figure out if he’s falling for you or just friendly

Is that guy at work checking you out, or are you imagining things? Is he fantasizing about you, or is he just being friendly? If you’re hoping he’s into you—or if you’re really hoping he isn’t—there are plenty of ways to tell if his feelings are platonic or romantic. Keep reading for the ultimate list of signals that your coworker is keeping a crush under wraps.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship coaches and boundary specialists, Jan & Jillian Yuhas, founders of Entwined Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • He probably likes you if he sits next to you in meetings, chooses you for his team, and sticks up for you in front of others.
  • If he’s attracted to you, he’ll send nonverbal cues like light touching, leaning in when you talk, and improving the way he dresses.
  • Your coworker likely has a crush if he loves talking to you, remembers small details about you, and compliments you.
  • He might be into you if he invites you to lunch, messages you outside of work, and wants to hang out.
1

He frequently shows up next to you.

  1. If he enjoys being near you, he might have romantic feelings for you. During meetings, he may casually slide into the chair next to yours while being careful not to look overly eager. Or maybe he takes detours by your desk. If he looks for opportunities to be close to you, it’s a good indicator that he has a crush.
    • He doesn’t want to make it obvious, so he’ll always have some excuse to be there. Really, he needs to sharpen his pencil by your cubicle again? It’s crazy how they just keep breaking!
    • Try this experiment: when he’s standing next to you, move to another area of the room. If he nonchalantly strolls over after a few minutes, there’s a good chance he wants to be near you because he has a secretly likes you.
  2. Advertisement
2

He sticks up for you.

  1. If he's very supportive of you, it might be proof of romantic feelings. For example, if another employee is rude to you, he may call it out. Or if you totally rock a work assignment, he might praise you publicly. Of course, he won’t totally gush over you because he doesn’t want to shine a spotlight on his feelings. He builds you up in a low-key way, but it’s a clue that he admires you.[1]
    • If you decide to get romantically involved, experts recommend disclosing the relationship sooner rather than later. Otherwise, employees will re-examine interactions like these and feel suspicious about ulterior motives.[2]
    • Plus, many employers have policies that require you to tell HR (human resources) when you’re in a workplace relationship. Check your company’s handbook for more info. [3]
5

Interacting with you puts him in a good mood.

  1. If he’s into you, he’ll cheer up when you walk by and wave. Even if he has a bad day, his attitude will switch from gloomy to glad when he sees you. He doesn’t realize that his mood shifts hint at his true feelings![7]
    • One reason he might be hiding his feelings? He might worry that if he asks you out, things could get really awkward, really fast. He may be taking it slow because he loves how you make him feel and doesn’t want to risk losing that.
    • Just behave normally and give him the chance to build his confidence. Confronting him about it too soon may put a strain on your friendship.[8]
  2. Advertisement
6

He’s bothered by the “competition.”

  1. If he seems jealous when you're with male coworkers, he may like you. He probably plays it cool by hiding his feelings behind humor, such as calling Chris your “work husband.” But if he teases you, there may be an unspoken question: “Do you like him more than me?”[9]
    • If you’re interested in dating your coworker, tell him, “Chris is nice, but he isn’t really my type.” Your coworker will probably take the opening to ask about your type…if you describe him, he’ll get the picture!
    • Brush it off if you don't want to pursue a relationship. Say, “Yeah, right, I need a boyfriend like a fish needs a bicycle.” Or, tell him, “I’d never get involved with a coworker—too messy!”
8

His body language is open.

  1. If he leans in when you speak to him, he might be attracted to you. He might also touch his hair or mirror your body position. If his pupils widen when he’s near you, that’s an obvious clue that he has the hots for you.[11]
    • Some people are “close talkers” and don’t give others much personal space. Pay attention to additional nonverbal cues (such as widening pupils) to determine whether he’s simply being friendly.
    • Remember that you also communicate with body language. If you aren’t interested in your coworker, express that by crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, and taking a step backward.[12]
11

He asks to work on projects with you.

  1. If he wants you on his team, maybe he's trying to spend time with you. This could be his way of getting closer to you while still keeping things professional.[15] He might be on to something: research on workplace romance shows that the more often we interact with someone, the faster attraction builds.[16]
    • On the other hand, it’s wise to consider how a workplace romance might mess up your mojo, especially if you work closely with them every day.
    • If you want to find out if he secretly likes you, ask why he requested to work with you. If he responds with, “Because you’re good at making spreadsheets,” he might only see you as a fellow professional. However, his feelings might run deeper if he replies, “Because you’re fun to be with.”
    • It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he thinks a work relationship might complicate his job. His main focus right now might be his career.
  2. Advertisement
14

He always offers to help.

  1. If he always has your back, it could mean he has romantic feelings. Maybe he steps in to help you figure out why the copier is on the fritz. Perhaps he gives you a hand hauling boxes to the basement. If he always wants to help, he might be quietly showing you how much he cares.[19]
    • It’s possible that he’s just the kind of guy who goes the extra mile. But does he drop everything to assist other coworkers like he does to help you? If yes, he’s simply a nice dude. If no…he’s interested in you.
    • You’ve heard of “relationship red flags;” this is a definite “relationship green flag.” He’s demonstrating that you can trust him to be there for you during times of need.
17

He has a silly nickname for you.

  1. If he gives you a funny nickname, it might be a term of endearment. He’ll make it a silly one to throw you off track—after all, something sweet like “Sunshine” might show his hand. So, maybe calling you “Bubbles” because you snorted Pepsi out of your nose that one time isn’t exactly romantic, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t affectionate![22]
    • A little bit of good-natured teasing is often a sign of attraction. But if your coworker is the sort of person who thinks of goofy nicknames for everyone, don’t read too much into it.
    • As adorable as nicknames are, make sure that your workplace interactions align with the company culture. Trying to change the norms is awkward for everyone. [23]
    • For example, if you work in a casual kitchen environment, silly nicknames are probably fine. If you’re employed at a bank, nicknames might be viewed as unprofessional.
  2. Advertisement
19

He tries to catch your eye often.

22

He compliments you.

  1. If he often says kind things, it might be a sign that he really likes you. He’s probably subtle about it because he isn’t ready to tell you how he feels yet. For example, if you complain about how frizzy your hair is after getting caught in the rain, he might say he likes the natural look. It’s sweet, but not over the top.[27]
    • If his compliments are related to your work performance, he may simply respect you as a coworker. If they’re about your appearance, sense of humor, or personality, it could mean something more.
    • Pay attention to how he interacts with others; is he always telling people they look amazing? Does he throw out compliments like confetti? If so, don’t take his words too seriously.
23

He touches you lightly.

  1. If he finds excuses to touch you, he may be showing affection. Maybe he’s king of the “accidental” brush and his arm grazes yours when he sits next to you. Or he might pat your shoulder, pick a piece of lint off your sweater, or give you a high five when he walks by. These low-key interactions could be a clue that he’s secretly crushing on you.[28]
    • Some people are naturally “touchy-feely.” Watch how he interacts with other coworkers to see if he touches them often too. If he does, there probably isn’t a secret meaning behind it.
    • If you like him back, mirror his behavior and casually touch him in the same ways.
    • Not interested? Be aware that blurring the lines with physical contact sends mixed signals. When he touches you, shift away from him or take a step backward.
    • Tell him clearly to stop touching you if it makes you uncomfortable. If the behavior continues, talk to HR about the issue. Explain what’s happening and say, “This is creating a hostile work environment.”[29]
  2. Advertisement
24

He’s curious about your dating life.

  1. He may be trying to see if you're available by fishing for details. If he’s keeping a crush under wraps, he’ll likely try to learn about your romantic life in a roundabout way: “So, what did you do last weekend?” “Who did you go hiking with?” He probably wants to figure out if you’re involved with someone without revealing his feelings.
    • If you want to further the relationship, ask reciprocal questions about his weekend. If he mentions he went bowling, say, “It’s been ages since I’ve been bowling, I used to love it as a kid!” That gives him an opening to ask you out. [30]
    • Don’t want to bite? Respond vaguely to keep things at a professional level: “Oh, I just caught up on some errands this weekend.” Then steer the conversation back to a work-related topic.
30

He wants to hang out.

  1. If he casually asks to meet up, he might be trying to avoid rejection. He might want to see you outside of work hours without the pressure of calling it a date. Rather than definitively asking you out, he might say something like, “I’m going to a festival downtown this weekend, wanna meet me there?” It could be that he likes you and doesn’t want to risk getting shot down.[36]
    • If hanging out—just as friends—sounds fun, it’s smart to offer some clarity upfront. Say, “I’d love to hang out with my work bestie this weekend, what time do you want to meet?” This is a gentle way of letting him know where he stands.
    • To keep things squarely in the friend zone, insist on splitting the tab when you hang out rather than letting him pick up the check.
  1. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=242
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
  4. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=297
  5. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=221
  6. https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
  7. https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220228-the-inevitability-of-the-office-romance
  8. https://psych2go.net/5-signs-they-love-you-but-are-trying-not-to-show-it/
  9. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=65
  10. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  11. https://psych2go.net/5-signs-they-love-you-but-are-trying-not-to-show-it/
  12. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  13. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  14. https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220228-the-inevitability-of-the-office-romance
  15. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=323
  16. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=86
  17. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=367
  18. https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
  19. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
  20. https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment
  21. https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
  22. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  23. https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=387
  24. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  25. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  26. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
  27. https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/

About This Article

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Written by:
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
This article was written by Jan & Jillian Yuhas. Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology. This article has been viewed 20,294 times.
How helpful is this?
Co-authors: 6
Updated: February 28, 2023
Views: 20,294
Categories: Getting a Boyfriend
Advertisement