How to Get a Guy You've Never Talked to Before

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: September 13, 2022 References Approved

So you’ve had your eye on this guy for days, weeks, months, perhaps even years, but you haven’t gotten around to talking to him. How frustrating this must be to like someone and want to get to know him better but not have an "in." We’ve all been there, so don’t feel like you are alone. While it may be intimidating to just jump right in, think about the reward instead of the risks.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting Him to Notice You

1
Look your best. You don’t have to change who you are or your natural style to impress him, just take pride in your appearance. Be well-groomed and clean at all times.^{[1]
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- Dress to accentuate your best features, whether it's your hair or your height.
2
Compliment him. Don’t go over the top with compliments. In passing, just casually mention that you like his shirt or how bright his smile is. He will be totally flattered that you even noticed him and felt compelled to actually say something.

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3
Ask for help. Guys like to feel useful and needed so enlist his assistance with something, anything! Whether a big request or small, he’ll jump at the chance to lend his skills or time.^{[2]
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- It can be anything like passing a book to, handing you a straw or giving you directions.
- Profess your gratitude and really make him feel good about what he just did.
- Use the face time to further the conversation.
4
Watch your body language. If you want him to spot you, it’s best to avoid standing at the back of the room (unless that’s where he is) or hiding in the corner. Keep your head up and arms uncrossed.
- Instead of "hiding," stand in the middle of the pack and walk around to mingle.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} For example, if you're standing with a group but behind everyone, subtly make your way to the center instead. Our eyes are naturally drawn to the center of an image so let the crew work as a frame for you.^{[4]
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5
Watch your facial expressions. An appealing look is one where the eyes look round and full. You can create this look naturally by being mindful of your gaze. You can also do this by arching your eyebrows.
- Whatever you do, maintain a soft look on your face to show that you are warm and friendly. If you catch his eye, offer a smirk.
- Nothing says unapproachable like staring at your cell phone so put it down.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Bold

1
Initiate a conversation. Introduce yourself and chat him up with some small talk. If he responds well, think about building on this and becoming friends first.
- Talk about anything from the weather to something you’ve noticed about him like the band on his t-shirt. Try something along the lines of, "I love that band too! Have you seen them in concert before?"
2
Flirt! Show him that you are interested by flirting. Act coy, bat your eyes, touch your hair and poke fun. Be sure not to hurt his feelings of course, just a little playful banter will do the trick. Let him see your true personality and witty humor. ^{[5]
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- Gaze into his eyes for several seconds and then look away. It works every time.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
3
Ask him out. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Take matters into your own hands by inviting him out for a movie or any other activity you feel he may be interested in.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} Be polite, warm and personable. There’s no way he could turn you down.
- Walk over to him with confidence, a big smile and direct eye contact. He will not only be flattered but taken by your straightforward approach.
4
Slip him your number. Write your telephone number on a piece of paper along with your name. Walk over to him in class, at the mall or wherever you tend to run into him and hand it to him. You could say, "Hey, I think you should give me a shout sometime." He’ll be left stunned about who this mystery girl is and might start dialing/texting immediately.
- If he doesn’t call, he was clearly not the person you hoped he would be and now you can finally move on.
5
Message him online. If this is an online crush, send him a private message on Facebook. Tell him that you’ve noticed him around and wanted to get to know him better. End the message by asking an open-ended question like, “Would you be interested in meeting up?” or “Can I get your phone number so we can talk sometime?”^{[8]
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Research source} By doing this, you will encourage a response.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
- This option is an excellent choice if you are a little on the shy side.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Continuing Contact

1
Be honest. One of the most vital parts of a relationship is openness.^{[10]
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Research source} Don't hide who you really are or what you want out of the future you two may have together. By creating this understanding upfront, you are laying a solid foundation.
- Set expectations right away about what you want whether it be a friendship, casual relationship or long-term commitment.
2
Don't be overly anxious. You could end up self-sabotaging your efforts by calling too much or texting too often. Try to consider things from his perspective. Remember that everyone moves at their own pace and should be given room to do so without any pressures.
- This includes giving him the benefit of the doubt in a situation. For example, if he says that he's too busy to hang, simply ask when a better time would be.
3
Enjoy getting to know him. This is one of the best parts of starting something new. Ask a lot of questions, even the silly ones. This will help to further break the ice and get everyone relaxed. You can ask about his first job, a food he can't live without, who his oldest friend is or what peeves him.
- Be ready to share as well. It's only fair.
4
Show appreciation. Make note of different things he does that make you happy or put a smile on your face and let him know. Acknowledging even the smallest things will encourage him to keep it up. If he feels he's a positive part of your life, he'll want to stay engaged in the relationship.^{[11]
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- You can show him appreciation by telling him, " That really meant a lot to me. Thank you," or by reciprocating with deeds.