How to Get a Guy to Want to Go Out with You

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: June 23, 2021

Getting a guy to go out with you can be hard at first but you can employ a few scientifically proven methods to develop his attraction. More importantly, make sure that he is truly worth your time and that he also wants to date you. Don’t change for anyone and make sure, above all else, that you are happy.

Method 1

Method 1 of 6:

Using your Body Language

1
Emphasize subtle cues. Before you start up a conversation, you can convey your attraction without saying a word.^{[1]
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Research source} Don’t go overboard with actions that seem out of character. Simply improving your posture or opening up your shoulders towards him as he walks by can subtly draw attention to yourself.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
2
Bat your eyelashes. A classic sign of attraction are fluttering eyes. It is scientifically proven that we blink more when we are excited. Subconsciously, batting your eyelashes will let him know that you are excited at his presence and he may respond in kind.^{[3]
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3
Move or lean towards him. If you are at a bar or together at the lunch room, move towards his direction without invading his personal space. You can be as subtle as leaning an inch closer while chatting.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} People subconsciously move closer to or lean towards someone or something important.^{[5]
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4
Mirror him. Mimic his style and his sensibilities by observing his style cues and mannerisms. For example, if he dresses more conservatively, ensure that you aren’t wearing low cut tops around him. If he is more of a ball cap and tee guy, observe who his favourite team is and wear their team colors.^{[6]
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5
Participate in similar extracurricular interests. If you have similar hobbies and interests, make sure he knows. Whether you workout at the same gym or talk about your favorite tv series, sharing interests forms an immediate bond.
- Sports and athletics can be a tricky because there may be chance for injury. If you are more athletic than him, you don’t want to make him feel inadequate. Conversely, don’t force yourself to enjoy a sport that he has been playing as a child.
6
Copy his gestures and speech. Utilize the chameleon effect by copying how he moves and the idiosyncratic gestures to show that you're interested. The timing of your movements can also play a role in getting his attention. If he reaches for his drink, wait a few seconds and reach for yours. If you copy him a few beats after he has acted, he will subconsciously think that the two of you are in sync, and thus very similar.^{[7]
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- Exercise caution as you don’t want to over do it and becoming annoying or come off as a stalker.

Method 2

Method 2 of 6:

Keeping as Close as Possible

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Create as many interactions as you can. The more you see him, the more your social interactions will escalate. The key is to make things feel like they happened organically.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- The first time you see each other you will have an immediate physical attraction. The second time you see each other, you might smile at one another if the attraction is mutual. The third time you may finally start a conversation.^{[9]
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- Humans enjoy familiarity so the more you create a sense of familiarity, the more you create a sense of attraction.
2
Strategize where you want to run into him. Location plays a role in developing an attraction because it can indicate shared interests. For example, if you are constantly seeing each other at the gym, it signals that you both keep fitness as a priority.^{[10]
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3
Don’t stalk him. Be careful not to overdo your interactions. It will quickly become obvious if you are going out of your way to see him. It also allows you to build intrigue and desire if you leave him wanting more after each interaction.
4
Don’t rely on seeing him again as schedules can often factor in. In the initial stages of interaction, it’s often difficult to know his schedule. Get on his radar once you know a little about his interests and schedule. Invite him to join you or inquire when he will be at a location next rather than relying on fait.^{[11]
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- You can also ask mutual acquaintances or drop hints as to where you will be to see if he picks up and joins you.
5
Run into him accidentally. Men enjoy the thrill of the chase. If you make it obvious that you will do anything to see him and hang on his every movement, you will be less attractive than if you present yourself as independent and mysterious. Feign surprise when you run into him, even if you had it planned.^{[12]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 6:

Letting him Know Who You Are

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Start by sharing the basics. In the first meeting, let him know things like where you were born, what hobbies you enjoy, or your favorite food. Keep it simple and don’t scare him off by revealing too much too soon.^{[13]
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2
Tell how many siblings you have and where you’re from. Letting him know the next layer of your personality gives him a sense of your character and history. You have to learn to trust someone on a deeper level beyond just the superficial.^{[14]
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Share your music. Music is an easy way to break the ice and find out more about a person. Even if you enjoy classical music and he enjoys metal, at least you know you both are passionate about music and have learned more about one another.^{[15]
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Let the disclosure come from both sides. Make sure you listen to him as he shares information about himself. Ask questions appropriate to your interaction. For example, you can ask about his favorite tv show on the first interaction but you can’t ask about if he has any children unless he brings it up himself.
5
Make yourself vulnerable. Creates a bond by letting him know something about yourself that only closer friends know. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable shows that you see him as more than an acquaintance.
- As the relationship continues, reveal more about yourself.
6
Share secrets. Imply trust and willingness to start a relationship be showing revealing something only your inner circle knows. You can also share fun secrets to flirt and heighten the sexual tension.
7
Showcase your independence. Nobody wants someone who is clingy and needy. Fascinate him with your goals, dreams, and values. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion and show your true character..^{[16]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 6:

Making Him Feel Special

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Pay attention to him when you’re in a group.^{[17]
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Research source} Many times your first interaction may be in a group dynamic like work or social gathering. Make sure you listen to what he has to say and make him feel valued. Say his name and direct the conversation towards him when appropriate.
- Don’t monopolize the conversation as it will make everyone feel awkward if you are excluding everyone else.
2
Make eye contact. Eye contact is a direct social cue that let’s him know you are focusing your attention at him and value what he has to say. You can also employ a sultry stare to heighten the sexual tension.
3
Go out of your way to speak to him. It is flattering to know that someone has gone out of her way for you. Exercise courtesy and tact. Don’t go overboard and disrespect someone else just to get his attention. This will put you in an unflattering light.
- Ask personal questions to show your genuine interest in him.
4
Get competitive. Play a competitive board game or have friendly wagers. You don’t have to play extreme sports or cheat death to get adrenaline working. Any experience that makes him excited can be arousing. Men can be competitive so simply playing a game or issuing a challenge with raised stakes can get him aroused.^{[18]
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- You can flirt as you raise the stakes to heighten sexual tension.
- People who find similar arousal find each other more attractive. People sometimes misattribute adrenaline for arousal.
5
Play sports or get fit. Utilize your body’s endorphins and get your bodies moving. Playing sports also adds the competitive layer to your interaction.
6
Watch a scary movie. Watching a scary movie not only gives the thrill but also the opportunity to get closer. Make sure you choose the movie together so that it’s not offensive to him.
- The experience of lust experience releases dopamine and endorphins in your brain. Cuddling keeps the chemicals flowing because it not only draws him closer but also releases the chemical oxytocin,which increases the feelings of attraction.^{[19]
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Method 5

Method 5 of 6:

Showing Him That You’re Inaccessible

1
Don’t answer his calls. If he thinks that you hang on his every word he may find it unattractive. Letting him know that you will talk to him when it suits you can build intrigue and show him that getting your attention will be a challenge that will be rewarded.^{[20]
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2
Change your schedule. Keep him on his toes and reward him for finally getting the chance to talk to you. It will make him value your limited interactions.
- Be careful not to blow him off too many times or he may think that you will easily to ditch out on him.
3
Establish intrigue to draw him closer. Don’t reveal too much of yourself too soon. ^{[21]
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Research source} Keep your interactions fun but brief so that he wants more and values your time.

Method 6

Method 6 of 6:

Finding Your Own Happiness

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Indulge your passions. Interesting people are interesting to be with so don’t worry about what he thinks about your interests. If you are passionate about something, he will be drawn to that energy and will want to know more.
2
Be comfortable in your own skin. Shed any inhibitions and lose yourself in what makes you happy. Confidence is a turn on. So is happiness.
3
Make sure you find yourself attractive. Be yourself because changing for someone is a sure way to create self-doubt. Don’t rely on others to build your self worth.
- Look your best. Take pride in your appearance. Dress and accessorize to highlight your best features and style.^{[22]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get him to go out with me?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Turn your past conversations into a potential outing. For example, if mentions having a dog, you could might ask to meet his pup. Then, see how he responds from there.

Warnings

It’s easy to develop an infatuation. Don’t dwell on feelings that may not be actually real.

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Make sure he has a genuine interest in you.

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