How to Flirt Subtly

Co-authored by Maria Avgitidis

Is brazen flirting not your style? You can capture your crush's attention without being an obvious flirt. Subtle flirting requires a combination of confidence and a carefree attitude that keeps your crush coming back for more.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Flirting with Eye Contact

1
Check out your crush. When you met a new person, your eyes peruse their face in a zigzag pattern. You glance at one of their eyes, then the other, and finally you look at their nose. Subtle flirts expand the size of this triangle. After looking at both of your crush’s eyes, skip the nose and quickly glance at their mouth or chest.
- If your crush picks up on this, they’ll think you’re checking them out (and they’d be right!).^{[1]
  X
  Research source}
2
Stare, slide, and settle your gaze. Gaze at your crush until they notice your eyes on them. Once you make eye contact, slowly move your gaze around the room before settling your stare back on them. This quick little trick (approximately 15 seconds) will let your crush know that you’re interested in them.^{[2]
X
Research source}

Advertisement
3
Maintain prolonged eye contact. If eye contact generates intimacy, prolonged eye contact is incredibly intimate. When you lock eyes with your crush for more than ten seconds, your bodies experience a physical reaction. Your nervous system is engaged, your heart rate is elevated, and your blood flow increases.
- When your crush is talking to you, stare into their eyes.^{[3]
  X
  Research source}
4
Bat your eyelashes. When your gaze settles on someone you find attractive, you tend to blink more. As a result, our brains associate rapid blinking with sexual attraction. The reason for this is two fold. Experiencing an intense emotional reaction, like arousal, causes our eyes to produce more tears. In order to maintain appropriate moisture levels, we blink more.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Batting your lashes is a great way to let someone know you find them attractive.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Flirting with Body Language

1
Mimic your crush’s movements. You can establish a connection with your crush simply by copying their actions. You’ll leave your crush with the impression that the two of you are simpatico.
- If your crush leans in, you lean in.
- If your crush turns to face you, turn too.
- If your crush takes a sip, take a drink too.
- If your crush smiles, smile too.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}
2
Test their personal boundaries before you touch. While overt flirts go straight for the touch, subtle flirts gauge their crush’s comfort level first. Before you graze your crush’s arm or pat their back, find an excuse to enter into their personal space. Step towards them to let someone pass behind you or reach for something near them. If they move towards you when you pull away, they're comfortable around you. You have the green light to “accidentally” or playfully touch them.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Try placing a hand on the person’s arm or shoulder if he or she says something you find funny. Leave it there for a few seconds while you are laughing and see how the person reacts to your touch. If the person pulls away, then this may indicate that he or she is not interested.
3
Experiment with flirtatious gestures. Subtle, flirtatious gestures are powerful signals of attraction. As you flirt with your crush, you can use self-touch, body posture, and other flirtatious gestures to show your interest. However, keep in mind that the gestures you use may be different depending on your gender.
- For example, if you are a girl, then try playing with your hair, stroking your neck, biting your bottom lip, glancing at your crush over a raised shoulder, wiggling your hips as you walk, parting your lips slightly, or playing with your jewelry.
- If you are a guy, then you might try sitting or standing with excellent posture to show off your best assets, puffing out your chest slightly, or using a dominant stance when you are sitting.^{[7]
  X
  Research source} For example, you might sit with your legs slightly wider than shoulder width apart and place your arm over the back of a chair, such as the chair of the person you are flirting with.
4
Smile at your crush. Smiling is the perfect way to let your crush know you are approachable—you are friendly and willing to engage them. As you interact with your crush, smiling signals approval—you find them acceptable—and rapport—you enjoy sharing this experience with them. Smile freely and don’t be afraid to laugh (it gives you an excuse to tilt back your chin and show off your neck!)

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Becoming a Flirtatious Conversationalist

1
Listen to your crush. In order to carry a conversation with your crush, you need to listen to what he or she is saying. If you want them to know you are a good listener, let your body language do the talking.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Lean forward to indicate that you want to be emotionally and physically close to your crush
- Nod your head to show that you are sympathetic
- Maintain eye contact to reveal that you’re focused on them. This is easier to achieve if you put away your phone.
EXPERT TIP

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert

How can I tell if I'm being "weird" when I am flirting with someone? Pay attention to their body language. The other person will turn their feet away from you, start taking steps back, and will nod more and talk less. If they stop contributing to the conversation, they probably aren't interested in talking with you anymore.
2
Ask questions about your crush. Everybody shines and is at ease when they talk about their passions. While brazen flirts have a tendency to keep the spotlight on themselves, subtle flirts let their crushes shine. You can accomplish this by asking questions about your crush’s life and interests.^{[9]
X
Research source} Questions to ask include:
- What are you passionate about?
- What is your dream vacation?
- What is your favorite pastime
- What was the last movie you watched?
- How was your day?
- Where did you grow up?
3
Give coy compliments. Subtle flirts do not over compliment their crushes. They choose their moments carefully. When you find the right time to compliment your crush, make sure the statement is sincere. Examples of coy compliments include:
- ”I love how passionate you are about (work, school, family, sports, etc.)”
- ”I’m impressed by your (patience, kindness, etc)”
- ”You’re a very good (listener, cook, etc)”
- For added effect, pair your compliment with meaningful touch.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
4
Use humor. Humor is an essential part of flirting, but some people may use it too much while others use it too little. Don’t be afraid to engage in playful banter with the person you are interested in, but pay attention to his or her physical cues to determine if you are using humor appropriately.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might engage in some teasing, playful banter by saying something like, “So what is a pretty girl like you doing in a dingy bar like this?” To which a girl might respond, “Whoa, you want my life story? Buy a girl a drink first!”
- You may want to tone down your humor if the other person does not laugh at your attempts at humor or starts showing signs of discomfort, such as turning away, avoiding eye contact, or crossing his or her arms. Likewise, you may need to be willing to engage in a little more humor if you notice these signs and you are not using humor at all.
- Avoid using humor that is too sexual when you are just getting to know each other. This can make women feel uncomfortable and men may interpret the use of this kind of humor from women as an invitation.