How to Talk to a Guy

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: February 4, 2023 References

Men and women understand and communicate differently. This may be the reason that they often find it hard to communicate their feelings or needs to each other.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} Changing your communication methods to be shorter, more focused, and positive can stop poor conversations. You will use different methods when talking to a guy who you have just met versus a man in a relationship, in your family, or in your job. By practicing simple communication techniques like active listening, you can improve your communication skills with the opposite sex.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Talking to a Stranger

1
Be aware of your surroundings. You want to always make sure that you feel safe when you are approaching a stranger, no matter the gender. Make sure you are in control of all of your facilities and have a way to leave a situation. Avoid talking to strangers when impaired. Always try to make sure that someone you know is aware that you approaching a stranger.
2
Introduce yourself. The first way to converse with a man is by introducing yourself. An introduction will show that you are interested in getting to know or conversing with him. Maintain eye contact to show that you are being direct.
- State your name and repeat theirs. Repeating someone's name is an excellent way to not only remember it, but also show that you are interested in getting to know him. ^{[2]
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- Speak clearly with a strong voice. You want to give a good impression and you want your listener to understand what you have to say.
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3
Ask questions. To get to know someone new, ask questions to him. Ask questions on a neutral subject such as hobbies or pets. Try and avoid inflammatory questioning such as politics or religion.
4
Practice active listening. Ultimately, you want to start a conversation with a man and not just do all of the talking. To do this, practice active listening skills. Ask questions about his replies, or ask him to clarify a topic to show that you have been listening. You do not want to dominate the conversation by you doing all of the talking.Here are some ways you can try active listening:^{[3]
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- "Oh, I hear that you like football. I have always been more partial to hockey."
- "That's very awesome that you like Thai food. I know of this great restaurant downtown!"
- "You like go rock climbing? I don't know much about that, can you explain how to do that?"
5
Compare hobbies. A great way to get to know a man is to compare hobbies. Once you find that you have something in common, you can compare what you know with what he knows. This tactic can keep a conversation going in a natural and easy manner.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Talking to a Boyfriend or Husband

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Practice direct communication. Despite what it may seem at times, spouses and boyfriends do not have the ability to read minds. Make sure you practice direct communication by telling him exactly what you mean or what is on your mind. Try not to make him guess.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} You can practice direct communication a number of ways.
- Find the right time to talk. You want to make sure you are bringing up a conversation at an appropriate time. Be aware of your surroundings and pick a time and a place that is comfortable for the both of you.
- Think and do not attack. Make sure you are courteous to your loved one. Do not verbally attack him if you are angry or frustrated. Think about what you want to say before you say it. Practice it if you feel like it will be an emotional conversation.
2
Do not bottle up emotions. Express your feelings often to avoid being overly frustrated. Remember that your loved one is there for you and wants to help you. Be honest with him and share your emotions so that you may approach a conversation as a unified team.
3
Ask questions to show you are listening. When he is speaking to you or telling you about his day, he is looking for someone to vent to or to decompress. Show you are listening and you are empathetic to his needs by asking active questions or repeating back something he said. Engage in the conversation rather than just hear it.
4
Answer questions as they are asked of you. “What do you want for dinner?” can definitely be a fight-starting question. When questions are asked to you, answer him honestly. If he gives you suggestions, do not be vague in answering them. Tell him what is really on your mind or tell him that you are unsure what you want or think. You can say what's on your mind in a few ways. Try using some of the following:
- "I appreciate that you suggested pizza for dinner tonight, but I'm not sure what I'm in the mood to eat tonight. Can we name a few options and I can tell you what sounds good?"
- "No, sorry, I am not feeling like being social tonight. I love that you want to go out to the party, but can we stay in and relax instead?"
- "I'm sorry. You really hurt my feelings last night when you came home late from work. I would really appreciate it if you would call or text me next time you will be home late so I don't worry."
- "I really do not have an opinion one way or another on the paint color for the living room. I think the color you have picked out will work great!"
5
Be honest. Always be honest with him. Communication is much easier when you do not have to pick and choose between lies and half-truths. Your relationship will be stronger if you can share what is on your mind with him.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Talking to a Brother or Father

1
Verbalize your needs. In order to communicate effectively, you need to directly say what you need. Your family member can respond to these needs easier if he knows exactly what it is you are asking.
2
Utilize body language and non-verbal cues. Communicating relies more on just talking. You can communicate effectively with the men in your family by using verbal and non-verbal communication skills.
- Verbal communication implies direct communication through speech. You can do this by asking questions or voicing your opinion.^{[5]
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- Non-verbal communication is the use of body language. Pay attention to how you are standing or where your hands are when you speak. If you stand with your arms across your chest, for example, you may come across as hostile or angry. ^{[6]
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3
Rely on common vocabulary. You have probably spent a good deal of time with your family member. You probably have a common vocabulary or common memories. Use those to your advantage when conversing. Sometimes, you may even share nonverbal cues such as gestures or body language. Strengthen family communication by being familiar in your conversing practices. ^{[7]
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4
Stay in touch. Life sometimes can get busy and it is easy to lose track of time. It is easy to let communication, especially with the ones we love, fall to the wayside. Make time to talk with your family members. Find a medium that works for you both. Try texting, letter writing, or e-mail.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Talking to a Boss or Coworker

1
Be respectful. You want to show yourself as a valuable employee and communicator. When talking with men you work with, you want to be respectful. Do not try and “one-up” or boast about your achievements. You do not have to stay silent about them, but practice humble language to show respect to those you work with. ^{[8]
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Avoid ambiguous speech. Your time is valuable. When talking with coworkers and bosses, try and get to your point quickly. You do not want to waste time on details if they are not needed. If it is an important project or topic, you can fill in details as needed or request. This will make you look excellent at time management skills and respectful of other’s time.^{[9]
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- For example, instead of saying something like: "I'll get back to you," try and be specific. "I am not sure when I am able to get back to you, but I know I will send you out an e-mail by Friday."
3
Learn to say “No!” Women in the United States traditionally hold fewer leadership positions than their male counterparts. This may lead you to want to agree to more projects or ideas than you are comfortable with. Learn to say no to your male counterparts in a direct and respectful manner. ^{[10]
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Research source}Try some of these tips when trying to say no:
- "Thank you so much for the opportunity, but I have three cases this week. Maybe if my schedule clears up a bit, I can take on the extra work."
- "I would love to stay late tonight, but I have actually worked late every night this week. Can we schedule a meeting tomorrow to go over these notes?"
- "Your ideas for this new newsletter are great, but I simply do not have the time to implement all of these changes. Have you talked to the design and marketing team? Maybe they can help."
4
Stick to the facts. The workplace is a place of business. To be most effective in your communication, stick the facts. You want to be able to finish projects and show yourself as a capable employee or leader. Sticking to the facts shows others that you can focus on the task at hand. Use your knowledge and statistics to make a lasting impression:
- "According to my report, sales went up 45% last year."
- "We saved $25,000 last year by eliminating our direct phone service."

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I be more confident when talking to boys?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Working on yourself, getting help from therapy, or hiring a good coach is super important. Insecurity comes out of a lack of self love or fears that stem from abandonment or trust issues. Try surrounding yourself with a good support system of friends and family that will have your back as you put yourself out there. I also recommend trying to understand your past so that you can move forward and prevent past dating mistakes from affecting you.
Question

How can I impress a boy online?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

One of the best things you can do is have a man that you really respect read your profile. A lot of times, we think we're being funny or being ourselves, and it really does help to have someone you trust look it over. You should also be aware that the pictures you include in your profile are very important. Choose photos that give the impression that you want.
Question

There is this boy I like, but he asked my bestie out. I wanted to feel happy for her, but I'm not. He said he was going to ask her to formal, but I feel I should be the one. What do I do?

Ajnabee Musafir

Community Answer

There isn't anything to do other than wishing your friend the best. If you and that boy are meant to be together, you two will have mutual attraction at some point in future.