How to Start a Text Conversation with a Girl

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

So you've got a girl's number, but how do you start a convo that'll get her attention? Texting can be a great way to break the ice and get your crush interested in you. The trick is to take your openers beyond a basic “hey” and ask interesting questions that’ll get her to respond. Fortunately, flirting and talking to a girl over text doesn’t have to be rocket science. With pro tips from one of our expert dating coaches, we’ll walk you through the whole process of texting the girl you like with a list of easy conversation starters.

1

Ask an open-ended question.

A simple “hi” is hard to respond to, but questions create a natural flow of conversation. Go for open-ended questions, which are usually better than simple “yes-or-no” questions because there’s more you can both say.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} You can open with a basic “Hey, how’s your day going?” or go for a more specific question. Try and add a little bit of context around your question so it feels natural. Here are a bunch of examples:
- “How’re you feeling about the homework for English? I’m feeling like this 😬”
- “Random question: What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?”
- “I’m trying to make a list of the greatest movies of all time. What’s your favorite movie?”

2

Tell her you’re looking for a recommendation.

Asking for a rec will make her feel valued. Plus, you get to know what she likes at the same time.^{[2]
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Research source} Try to remember what she says so you can surprise her later or start another conversation based on her favorite things. As a bonus, you might even end up getting a great first date idea from the restaurant she suggests or the vintage arcade she says she loves.
- “What book should I read next?”
- “I’m looking for new music recs. What do you suggest?”
- “If you had to recommend 1 brunch spot in town, what would it be?”

3

Talk about her interests.

She’ll be more likely to reply if you mention topics she’s passionate about. If you know she likes a specific band, TV show, or movie, ask her about it! Ask her what she thought of the most recent episode of her favorite show, or if she has any song recommendations from her favorite album. Remembering her likes and dislikes goes a long way in showing her that you care, and it’s even better if you can find common ground.^{[3]
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- “You like The Bleachers, right? I just discovered their new EP. What’s your favorite song?”
- “I saw your Insta post on coral reefs. How’d you get involved with that oceans club?”
- “Since you’re a total jock, if you had to pick between never playing basketball again or never playing soccer again, what would you pick?”
- If you disagree over something, don’t freak out! A little playful debate over “Which Beatles Song Is The Best” can help you two get to know each other and it can start up a hilarious back-and-forth.

4

Send her a cute GIF, photo, or meme.

Add a visual to keep the conversation interesting. They say a picture tells a thousand words, and throwing in another piece of media can help change up the rhythm of your conversation. You can send her a pic from something cool you saw earlier that day or send a funny meme that you just know she'd get.^{[4]
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- Text her something like "You'll never guess what I saw today" and then follow it up with a wacky photo of your friends being weird or a beautiful picture of a sunset.
- Send her an adorable GIF and say, "I thought you were cute, but this GIF might be cuter."
- Want to really change things up? If you know her well, try sending her a song and saying, "This made me think of you."
- If you don't know her well, send her a link to a movie trailer or a new album from a cool band and say, "Have you seen this yet?"

5

Say something timely and relevant.

Bring up an upcoming event so your text doesn’t feel like it’s totally random. This is a great approach if you’re worried about your text sounding random or overeager. Mention the latest EP from a popular band, talk about an upcoming math test, or ask her if she’s seen the news about her favorite football player.
- For example, you can ask “Are you going to that game/play/dance tonight?” You could even ask if she wants to come along with you (or with you and a group of friends, if you're feeling a little shy about jumping in on that first date).
- You could also make small talk about some experience you've both had, like saying "It was so crazy running into you at Starbucks today!" or "Can you believe how Mr. Smith yelled at that student in English class today?"

6

Start up a texting game.

Games like "Would You Rather" can help you get to know her better. Plus, if you two disagree about a certain answer, it can be a great way to start a fun debate. You can try out this approach as a conversation starter, or pull this move if she doesn't seem interested in the first conversation topic.^{[5]
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Research source} Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- "Would you rather go backwards or forwards in time?”
- "Would you rather travel solo or with a group?"
- "Would you rather live in a place where it snowed all the time or a place that was super hot?"

7

Give her a compliment.

A sincere, sweet compliment is an easy way to start flirting. Unless you know her really well (and think she might like you back), steer clear of compliments about her body or appearance. Instead, compliment her personality and let her know you appreciate her.^{[6]
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- “Hey! Just thought of you. I’m glad I have smart people like you in my life.”
- “Talking to you always makes my day 😊”
- “I thought I was the funniest person around here until I met you.”
- Check out How to Text Message Someone You Like if you need some more ideas.

8

Use emojis.

Emojis can add life and personality into your messages. Since it’s hard to judge tone in text messages, emojis can liven up a conversation. Smiley faces can be fun and flirty, but they’re also innocent enough that they won’t come off as too bold or forward. Just throw in a smiley face, and she’ll notice.
- You can even start a conversation with a girl by sending her a string of emojis and asking her to guess what they mean. Try something like, “Guess what I’m doing right now! 🎡🎈🍿”^{[7]
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- If you’re really unsure how to use a smiley face, start by just tacking one on at the end of a text, like “Have you seen the new episode of ‘New Girl’? It was really good 😁”
- In general, winky faces are more suggestive and used with flirty texts and double-entendres. Don’t use a winky face where you’ll normally see a smiley face because it might seem misplaced or even confusing.

9

Ask her to hang out in person.

Use texting as a way to ask for a date IRL. Texting is fun, but talking in person is the way to take a relationship to the next level. When you're ready, you can advance to the next level by using your text messages to set up a real in-person get-together—whether it's a date, casual meet-up, or group hangout.^{[8]
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- “Hey, do you want to study together after physics on Tues?”
- “I have two tickets for a concert at Washington Park. Do you want to go with me?”
- “Are you free to hang out this weekend? Wanna grab coffee?”

10

Send just one text at a time.

Double-texting can be a little overwhelming. Play it cool by giving her enough time to respond to your first message before you fire off another one.^{[9]
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Research source} However, if she’s a rapid-fire texter, it’s okay to follow her lead and send multiple messages.
- As a good rule of thumb, match her response pace. If she takes about a minute to respond to a message, take a minute before you reply to one of her messages.

11

Move on if she’s not into the conversation.

Dry texting, one-word texts, and short responses can signal a lack of interest. Give her time to respond since she could just be busy. While you wait, go do something fun. After a couple of hours, you can follow up once and then let it go. Remember, texting should be fun, and there’s definitely someone else out there who wants to talk to you.
- Be sure to stop texting her immediately if she asks you to stop. It’s important to respect her boundaries.

Sample Conversation Starters

Sample Text Conversation Starters

Expert Q&A

Question

Should I text a girl I just met, or call her?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

I think a lot of the magic and spontaneity of conversation is lost when you're not having an organic chat. There's nothing wrong with texting if you're just trying to break the ice or you're too nervous to talk, but I think you're more likely to make progress if you give her a call!
Question

What if I already told her how I feel about her and things just got more awkward but we are still talking, How do I start a conversation when things are a little awkward then?

Community Answer

Still talk to her to show that you aren't afraid of confessing and getting rejected. Just pretend everything is normal now.
Question

Does a girl like if I know a lot of things about her?

Community Answer

Not if she hasn't told you. That might just come of as creepy! You should try to remember the things she tells you though because you'll prove you are a good listener.

Warnings

Be smart about what you text. Remember that texting creates a written and sometimes photographic record that you cannot delete. Never text anything that you wouldn't want to get into the wrong hands, whether because the recipient forwarded or shared the message or because her phone was stolen or lost.

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