How to Mingle With Strangers at Parties

Co-authored by Kevin Wang

Last Updated: March 7, 2023 References

To mingle with strangers at parties, start easy by talking to a single person or a small group. Introduce yourself to the strangers at the party and have a pleasant conversation with them. Smile and act confident. When you're ready, move on to another person or another group of people.

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Making Introductions

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Introduce yourself. Select a party-goer and approach them. Tell them who you are. You might, for instance, say, “Hi, I'm Mike,” then shake hands with them. Ensure your handshake is neither too limp nor too hard.^{[1]
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Share some information about how you came to the party. If you're attending an office party, you might say, “I work in accounting.” If you're attending a party with a friend, you could say, “I came with my friend Maven and I don't know anyone else here.”^{[2]
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Ask a friend to introduce you. You don't always have to mingle with strangers at parties alone. If you are attending the party as a guest, rely on the person you are attending with to introduce you to others. For instance, when you and your escort arrive at the party and they start mingling with people they know, they should say, "Allow me to introduce my friend, Reginald."^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Choosing Who to Talk With

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Find people who look lonely or overwhelmed. If you see someone alone in a corner looking at their phone, they might want to mingle but not know quite how. Approach them and ask some questions to get the conversation going. For instance, you might say, “Great party, right?” or “Hi! Do you know anyone here?”^{[4]
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Talk to groups of two. If you find two people talking together, they're probably either a romantic couple or just two random people who started talking to each other. In either case, groups of two are easy to mingle with. Join their conversation or kick the conversation off by asking, “So, how do you two know each other?”^{[5]
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Talk to the life of the party. This person probably knows many of the other party-goers, and can help you mingle with strangers by introducing you to them. Talking to the life of the party is easy because they are extroverted and will carry most of the conversation.^{[6]
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- Identify the life of the party by looking for certain personality traits. The life of the party often has a boisterous laugh and attracts many people to them. They might also have a sophisticated storytelling capability that inspires or amuses others.

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Talking to Larger Groups

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Hover around the periphery. Approach a group of three or more people who are involved in a conversation. Hang around the outer edge of the group and listen to what they're saying.^{[7]
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Ask an engaging question. While someone is talking about something of interest, ask them to elaborate a bit. For instance, if the speaker is telling a story about traveling down the Mekong River, you might interject with a question like, “Is the water deep?” or “Did you go with a group or were you alone?”^{[8]
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- The best questions will show the speaker that you're interested in what they're saying, and will enable them to talk more about their experience.
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Look for an opening to jump in. If someone in the group is sharing a story that you can relate to, or discussing an experience similar to your own, listen attentively. After they've concluded, share your own feelings or tell a related story. ^{[9]
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- For instance, if someone is talking about their trip to the Eiffel Tower and you have been there, too, you could jump in by saying, “Ah, yes, did you go to the top? The view is amazing.”

Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Making Conversation

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Engage in small talk. After introducing yourself, inquire about your conversation partner. Most people love to talk about themselves, so ask them about their work, their interests, or what they like to do for fun. For instance, you might ask, “So, what do you like to do on your days off?”^{[10]
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- Seize on things you have in common. For example, if someone intends to see a movie you're interested in seeing, exclaim, “Oh yeah, that film looks interesting! I want to see it, too!”
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Compliment others. After introducing yourself to someone at the party, you could try using flattery to create good feelings between you and the other person. For instance, you might say, “Wow, I love your earrings,” or “That's a sharp suit. Where'd you get it?”^{[11]
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Discuss topics relevant to the party. This can encompass a range of different conversation subjects depending on the circumstances of the party. For instance, if you're mingling with strangers at a Halloween party, you could say, “Wow, I love your costume,” or “So, tell me about your costume.” If you're at a party for the opening of a museum exhibit, ask your conversation partner, “Have you ever been here before?” or “Are you familiar with this artist?”^{[12]
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- Talking about the food or venue in a positive way is also appropriate.
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Allow your conversation partners to respond. Good conversation should be a give-and-take experience. Don't ramble on endlessly. Share your feelings or ideas, then allow someone else to jump in. If your conversation partner hasn't said anything in a while, ask them a question or solicit their opinion to let them know you are interested in what they have to say.^{[13]
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Respond appropriately. If someone tells a whimsical or lighthearted joke or story, laugh or respond with an equally lighthearted comment. This will make the conversation enjoyable for everyone involved.^{[14]
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Give detailed answers. If someone asks you how you know the host, you could answer with a plain answer like, “We work together.” Instead, try to spice your answers up with a story. For instance, you might reply to the same question about the host by saying, “I met her on my first day of work. She had all these pictures of pigs spread out on the light table and was looking at each one carefully with a magnifying glass.”^{[15]
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- Include funny or memorable details in your story. Smile and laugh when appropriate.
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Exit gracefully. There are several ways to end a conversation. You could declare your intention to get another drink or some food. You might also make an observation like, “It's rather warm in here. I think I'm going to get some fresh air,” then exit the conversation.^{[16]
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- Finally, you could drag someone else into the conversation to “replace” you. For instance, you might say, “Shirley, come over here and listen to what Gina was saying about bees. It's truly fascinating.”
- There's no right or wrong time to end a conversation, but if you're bored or if someone is talking your ear off, you should think about leaving.
- Nobody should expect you to keep up one conversation or stay with one group all evening. The point of a party is to mingle and move around.
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Move around. Mingling requires moving around, meeting lots of people, and not getting stuck in one place. After exiting one conversation, find or start another.^{[17]
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Avoid negative comments. When mingling with strangers at a party, do not criticize the host, the other guests, or the venue. This will get a bad reaction from many people. Plus, since you're talking to a stranger, you could be talking to a relative or close friend of the host, who might be deeply offended by your comments.^{[18]
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- For the same reason, avoid subjects that focus on pain, misfortune, or tragedy.
- Gossip or controversial topics are also taboo.

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Adjusting Your Attitude

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Enjoy yourself. Have fun and smile at the party. Show interest in the conversations you're having with others. If you are having fun, others will too, and the time you spend mingling with strangers will be a success.^{[19]
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- Even if you don't know anyone, walk into the room with a smile like you know at least half the people there. Chances are you will get smiles in return.
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Speak and act with confidence. When mingling with strangers at a party, square your shoulders, look people in the eye, and smile as you introduce yourself. Speak in a calm, measured tone. Don't rush your sentences and keep your voice at a natural volume.^{[20]
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Think of the party as a judgment-free zone. When mingling with strangers at a party, remember that you're not under the microscope. Avoid thinking negative thoughts such as, “Everyone is studying my every move. If I say or do the wrong thing, I will be ridiculed and ostracized.” Instead, keep the following in mind:^{[21]
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- Many other people are likely in the same situation you are.
- Even if you do say something to someone that you feel embarrassed about, remember that you are unlikely to run into that person again.
- A party is a place to relax. Social rules are not as strict at parties as they are in other places, like work or school. Think of the strangers you meet there as your friends and peers.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you socialize at a party where you don't know anyone?

Kevin Wang
Social Events Specialist
Kevin Wang is a Social Events Specialist and the Founder and CEO of Amiccio, a New York City social app and social events platform that helps people make new connections. Kevin’s work focuses on connecting singles and new friends by hosting socials, dance classes, and speed dating events. He holds a BS in Economics from Duke University.

Kevin Wang

Social Events Specialist

Expert Answer

Strike up a conversation about something happening at the party, recent local events, or popular trends and news. You can also ask the person how they found out about the event and/or what they like to do in their free time.
Question

How can I mingle with others?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You can work up some topics of conversation before leaving for a social event. Decide in advance how much time you will spend with each person before moving on to the next person. Plan to talk to at least 3-5 new people. This way you shouldn't run out of topics and can use some of the same material.
Question

What is small talk in communication skills?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Small talk is generally thought of as very general statements or questions that don't require any personal sharing risk. It includes things like the weather, the time, and asking where someone is from. The purpose of small talk is not necessarily to get to know someone on a deeper level.