How to Talk to a Girl Without It Getting Boring

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: March 25, 2023 References Approved

The last time you talked to a girl, you found yourself rambling on about your math homework, then mentioning your dentist appointment, and concluding by cracking your knuckles while the girl stared at the floor in awkward silence. Don't fret: every guy has been there. It's okay if your last conversation wasn't exactly as exciting as the Hunger Games series -- if you're prepared and make an effort, then the next time you talk to a girl, she'll be utterly captivated.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Starting Off on the Right Foot

1
Start with a light topic. When you first start talking to the girl, pick a light topic that you can both chat about pretty casually that won't make things awkward.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Don't tell her about the weird rash on your back or ask her about her most embarrassing moment; you can save that stuff for when you get to know each other better. Stick to the PG topics that can still lead to an interesting conversation without making the girl feel uncomfortable. Don't use profanity. She likes to be treated like a lady! Here are some pretty safe but fun topics that you can start off with:
- Your favorite bands
- Movies you've seen recently
- Your pets
- Your siblings
- What you did over the weekend or what you're going to do next weekend
- Your plans for the upcoming vacation
2
Avoid the personal stuff. Avoiding the personal stuff goes hand in hand with starting with a light topic. Though you can have a deeper discussion once the girl gets to know you better, for now, it's best to avoid talking about any deaths in the family, your first loves, your weird illnesses, or your fear of death. If you feel like you have an instant connection with the girl, then you really might be able to wade through the small talk faster to get to the important stuff, but you should still avoid highly personal topics when you just start talking or the girl may back off.
- Okay, if she introduces a personal topic and is game for talking about it, then you can pursue it and see where it goes, but still try to stay on your toes.
- Check out the girl's facial expressions and body language. If she backs away or looks upset when you ask her something that you thought was pretty simple, then she might actually view it as a sensitive topic.
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3
Keep smiling. Maintaining a smile and a positive demeanor will keep the girl's interest and will make her more likely to keep talking to you.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Though you don't have to grin until your cheeks are numb, you should smile whenever it's appropriate. This will let the girl see that you really like talking to her and will leave her with a positive feeling. You may be so nervous that you forget to smile, so remember to keep yourself in check.^{[3]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Smiling is especially important when you first start talking to the girl and at the end of the conversation. It's important to start off and to finish strong.
4
Make eye contact. Making eye contact is key for making the girl feel important and like you really care about what she has to say.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} You may feel shy about talking to her and could end up staring at your feet or looking around just because you're afraid to look at her face, but try to break this habit as much as you can. You don't have to hold intense, loving contact the entire time you're talking to her or she may feel a little creeped out, but you should try to look into her eyes when she's talking as much as you can so she feels important. If you struggle to make eye contact or prefer to avoid it, try looking at her nose - but don't stare. Not everyone in the world can hold eye contact during conversation - tell her if you brave enough, a nice girl who is worth talking to will understand.^{[5]
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5
Ask her questions. It's key to make the girl feel special as soon as you can. You can show her that you do really care about her by asking her questions, whether you're asking her about herself or about the things she's been up to recently.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} It doesn't have to be super personal -- and in fact, it shouldn't be -- but you should make an effort to show that you're trying to get to know her.^{[7]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} If she doesn't ask you anything back, then you can stay away from the questions for a while, or she may feel like she's being interrogated. Here are some things you can ask her about:
- Her favorite hobbies and interests
- Her favorite bands, books, or TV shows
- Her favorite subjects in school
- Her dream job
- Her best friends
- Her plans
6
Give her a compliment. Once you've talked for a bit, you can give the girl a small compliment to make her feel appreciated. You don't have to go overboard and shouldn't compliment her unless you really mean what you say. You can compliment her sweater, her new haircut, a piece of jewelry, or even an aspect of her personality. You shouldn't get too graphic ("You have great legs") or she'll get uncomfortable. Pick something PG and tell her that you like it to show that you care about her but don't want to overstep your bounds.^{[8]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Just one compliment per conversation is a good goal. You don't want her to feel like she's smothered with compliments, or like you don't really mean what you say.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Keeping Her Interested

1
Find common ground. Once you've gotten the conversation going, you can start to search for common ground so you and the girl can find something else to talk about.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Though you don't actually have to have anything in common to have a great conversation, finding common ground can help you make a connection a bit more easily. When you talk to the girl, try to see if you can find something you share, whether it's a love for a certain sport or sports team, the fact that you grew up in the same place, or even a shared friend or teacher.
- Talking about something you share can lead you to open up, see that you can have an exciting conversation, and to talk about new topics. For example, you can start by talking about how much you both love the 49ers, and then you can share your craziest stories about visiting their stadium, and from there, you may end up discussing your favorite things to do in San Francisco, and so on.
- Let the things you both share come up naturally instead of trying too hard to ask her if she likes the same things you do. Keep things open ended, so the conversation doesn't shut down if it turns out she doesn't share your interests. For example, instead of saying, "Did you see Frozen? That's my new favorite movie," you can say, "Have you seen anything interesting lately?"^{[10]
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2
Ask for her opinion. This is another way to keep the conversation going and to show the girl that you really like talking to her and that she means something to you. If you ask for her opinion, from what she thinks about the current political situation to whether she likes your new shoes, she'll see that you see her as a human being and that you really value what she brings to the table. She'll see that you're not just trying to hit on her but actually care about her, and that you respect her as a person.
- Don't ask her questions that can only be answered with a "yes" or a "no" and ask open-ended questions instead, so she has room to talk. Try "What do you think about…" instead of "Do you think that…"
3
Use your environment. If you're nervous and feel like the conversation is flagging, look around you and see if you can use your environment to your advantage. Maybe there's a flyer for a concert behind you and you can ask the girl if she likes the band. Maybe you're standing near a coffee shop and you can ask her if she ever goes there to read. Maybe you notice she's wearing a sweatshirt for a certain college that your sister went to and you can ask her about her connection to the school. Though you shouldn't start looking around distractedly the second you start the conversation, if you start running out of things to talk about, you can try to pick up some cues from what's around you.^{[11]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- This is a creative way to keep the girl's interest and to keep her talking. She'll be impressed by how perceptive you are.
4
Make her laugh. If you want to keep the girl's interest, then cracking her up won't hurt. If you make the girl laugh, then she'll want to keep talking to you, so look for opportunities where you can put in a bit of humor. You can lightly poke fun at yourself, make fun of a person you both know in a kind way, or just tell her a corny joke if you really think she'll respond well. If you have a funny story that you think will actually make her laugh, you can tell it, as long as it's not too long and complicated. Don't overdo it, but look for opportunities to make the girl laugh.
- If you're not naturally funny, then don't try so hard to be someone you're not. The girl will see that you're really making an effort and might feel bad for you. Instead, just work on being yourself, and if you can make the girl laugh in the process, then great.
- If you don't know the girl very well, then don't tease her unless you're already flirting and teasing each other. She may take it the wrong way and can get offended, and you definitely don't want that.
- Wink at her. This will definitely make her laugh.
5
Let her talk. You may be so nervous about not boring the girl that you could end up dominating the conversation so much that she can't get a word in. Talking the whole time does not mean that you are holding her interest; instead, pausing and leaving room for some silence can be a great opportunity for her to start saying something interesting, too. Don't put all of the pressure on yourself and make sure you are each talking about half of the time, or a little less or more if one of you is shy.
- If you talk about yourself the whole time, then you'll look self-involved, and she won't want to keep talking to you.
6
Ask about her interests. Almost every girl loves talking about the things that mean the most to her, so don't forget to ask her about what she likes to do for fun, how often she does it, why she likes it, and why it means so much to her. You don't have to pry too much and you'll see that the girl's face lights up when she starts talking about something that is really important to her. This will make the girl feel special and like you really care about what makes her tick.
- If she's not too elaborate when she discusses her interests, then you can share yours, as well.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Finishing Strong

1
Show her what makes you stand out. You don't have to do backflips to leave an impression. However, you do want to walk away from the conversation making the girl feel like she has gotten to know you a little bit and that she has a sense of what makes you stand out from all of the other guys out there. Maybe it's your sense of humor, your charm, or your love for the guitar. Whatever it is, let her in a little bit and show her who you really are. That way, when she sees you again, she'll have something to talk about and will have fond memories of your last conversation.
- She doesn't have to know everything about you by the end of your ten or fifteen minute conversation. But she should walk away with at least one or two interesting facts about you. If you were just making small talk the whole time, then it would be hard to get to know each other on a real level.
2
Don't try too hard. Remember to stay relaxed and to be yourself and know that the girl is likely just as nervous as you are. This means that you don't have to tell wildly made-up stories to get her attention or to talk about something you don't really like, like motorcycles, just because you think it'll make you sound cool. You shouldn't curse or say bad things about people just because you think it'll catch her eye. Just take a deep breath, relax, and talk about the things that you would say to any friend of yours instead of putting on an extra performance for the girl.
- If you're trying too hard, then the girl will be able to tell. Your goal should be to make her see that you like talking to her without showing that you think your conversation is a big deal.
3
Keep things positive. As you feel the conversation wrapping up, remember to stay positive, no matter what you're talking about. If you spent the last five minutes complaining about your parents, your teachers, the weather, or something else that has been getting you down, then the girl won't be left with a very positive impression. You want her to leave with good vibes and to remember that talking to you was actually fun, not annoying or even painful.^{[12]
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- You may feel like griping, and you can do it a little bit if you and the girl can bond over something that annoys both of you, but try to save your negative thoughts for someone who knows you a little better.
4
Keep your confidence up. Remember to stay confident throughout the conversation. Show the girl that you really believe in what you're saying and that you're happy to be who you are. If she gets this sense, then she'll see that you're a guy who is comfortable in his own skin and someone who is fun and easy to talk to. If you're nervous, putting yourself down, or making comments about how you can't find anything to talk about, then she'll feel uncomfortable and will be less likely to want to talk to you again.^{[13]
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- You don't need to act like you're the most interesting guy in the world or that you're hot enough to be a movie star; just act like you're happy with being you and the rest will follow.
- There's a difference between bragging and being confident. If you brag too much, the girl will be turned off.^{[14]
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5
Say goodbye while you're still having a good time. This is a great way to leave a positive impression. If you find that the conversation is going really well and that you're having a great time and have really clicked, then tell the girl you really like talking to her but that you have to go. Though it may seem ridiculous to leave in the middle of an amazing conversation, this is exactly when you should leave if you want to leave an unforgettable impression in her mind. If you wait too long, you may see that the conversation drags or that you have nothing to talk about, and why would she want to talk to you again after that? Wait until you've really hit it off and then tell her you have to go as nicely as you can.
- If you're really feeling bold and the conversation has gone super well, you can even work up the courage to ask her to hang out again.

Conversation Help

Interesting Conversation Openers to Talk to a Girl

Exciting Conversation with a Girl

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you keep a girl from getting bored of you?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Don't be boring! Be open, vulnerable, and honest. Answer questions and ask them back when you're done responding. Don't offer up one-word answers, which tend to end conversations in their tracks.
Question

What's the first thing to say to a girl?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

There are no hacks or tricks here. Just ask her how she's doing, or how her day is going. If you're just approaching her out of nowhere and you're interested in her, you can give her a casual compliment or comment on something that's going on in your shared environment.
Question

How can I keep from being boring while talking to a shy girl that I'm trying to impress?

Community Answer

If she is shy by nature, the best thing you can do is to keep talking to her. Once she feels comfortable, she will open up to you more. And if she likes you, nothing you say will be boring. Ask her questions to get her more involved, and to get to know her more.

Warnings

Don't even think about bringing up topics that might indicate that you have sex interests with low instincts. She might hit you and see you really hard for being a deviant.

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Don't be fooled into thinking that you will actually see her alone. You don't know if her boyfriend will be around and if he will be jealous and possessive.

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