How to Act on a First Date

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

First dates can be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you aren’t sure how to act or what to talk about. It’s all about getting to know the other person and letting them get to know you, so be yourself! By making a good first impression and coming up with a few topics of conversation, you can have fun on your first date and learn new things about your potential romantic partner.

1

Arrange a fun activity.

Choose something where you two can interact with each other. A movie date may be fun, but you probably won’t get to chat much. Try going for a walk in the park, visiting a museum, or getting coffee at a coffee shop. That way, you can get to know your date instead of sitting in silence.^{[1]
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- If it’s around Halloween time, try going to a pumpkin patch or visiting a corn maze.
- If the holidays are coming up, plan to walk around your neighborhood and look at the Christmas lights.
- When the weather is nice, consider going on a hike or a walk in nature.
- You can make a general plan, but be open to doing something spontaneous! If you’re walking around with your date and see a fun-looking club or theater, why not pop in?

2

Look your best.

Shower, brush your hair, and put on some makeup (if you wear it). Dress in clean, wrinkle-free clothes that are good for whatever you’re doing, and make sure you feel comfortable and confident. When you look your best, you’ll feel your best, even if you’re a bit nervous!^{[2]
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- For example, if you’re going mini-golfing or roller skating, a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt would be perfect.
- If you’re going out to a nice restaurant, try dressing up with some slacks or a skirt, a button-down, and a nice jacket.

3

Show up on time.

When you set a time for your date, stick to it! Leave with plenty of time to get there to make a good first impression. If you’re going to be late, send your date a text to let them know so they aren’t waiting around.^{[3]
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- Being late to a first date doesn’t give you a very good reputation, and it might frustrate your date.
- If you’re super late, your date might even leave without meeting you, which is disappointing for both of you.

4

Introduce yourself if you’ve never met before.

Shake their hand and give a brief introduction when you arrive. If you’re meeting up with someone from a dating app or you’ve been set up on a blind date, this will break the ice without being too awkward. After introductions, get the conversation going from there!^{[4]
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- Try saying something like, “Brittany? Hi, I’m Suzanne! It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
- If you feel comfortable enough, you could even give them a quick hug.

5

Keep your phone on silent.

Your date can’t get to know you if you’re scrolling through Instagram! Slide your phone into your pocket or your purse and keep it there as much as possible. If you do need to check your phone quickly, explain to your date that you just need a moment, and try to keep it brief. ^{[5]
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6

Ask questions that keep the conversation going.

First dates can be a little awkward. If you aren't sure what to talk about, ask your date questions they can give long answers to instead of just “yes” or “no.” Try something like, "What was the highlight of your day?" Whatever their answer is will be something that makes them excited or passionate, so it's a good way to subtly learn more about the things they really love.^{[6]
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Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} You could also ask:^{[7]
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- "What’s your favorite thing to do for fun?”
- "What’s your favorite place on earth?”
- "Do you have any pets / want any pets?”
- "What’s a fun, random fact about you?”
- "What’s something you’d like to learn or wish you were better at?”
- "What’s one thing you’re really proud of?”

7

Listen when your date talks.

When you ask your date questions, really stop and listen to what they’re saying. Absorb the information they tell you so you can get to know them better and see if you’d like to continue the relationship. You can also ask follow-up questions to whatever they tell you to show that you were listening.^{[8]
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- It can be tough to really listen when you’re nervous, especially if you’re thinking of what to say next. It’s okay if you can’t memorize everything your date says right now!

8

Talk about yourself, too.

If you ask too many questions, the date may start to feel like an interview. Make sure you talk about your life, your hobbies, and your passions, too. That way your date gets to know who you are. Your date might have questions of their own, or you can relate your own experiences when they’re done answering your questions.^{[9]
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- For example, if your date just told you they have a dog, you could say, “Oh, that’s awesome! I don’t have a dog right now, but I’d love to get one someday.”
- There’s a fine balance between talking about yourself too much and not enough. If you feel like you’re dominating the conversation, switch to asking your date questions again.

9

Show off your sense of humor.

Everyone likes to laugh, and it can make your first date jitters go away. Try throwing in a little light humor every now and then to show your date that you have a funny sense of humor. This can even help your date feel more comfortable, too. You could say:^{[10]
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- ”My five-year plan includes avoiding a career at all costs. How about you?”
- ”Stop making me so interested in you, I’m trying to seem cool and aloof.”

10

Compliment your date.

Tell your date that you love their outfit, their hair, or their laugh. Everyone loves to be flattered, especially by a potential romantic partner! Try to keep it to one or two compliments throughout the date so you don’t seem overeager.^{[11]
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- You could say something like, “I really like your smile, it opens up your whole face.”
- Or, “Your hair looks really good tonight, I like it slicked back like that.”

11

Stick to fun, light topics that won’t start an argument.

Debating about religion or politics isn’t a great way to get to know your date. Stay away from those topics as much as you can, and save them for later on when you both know each other a little better. Similarly, you should probably avoid talking about your ex too much (or at all). It might make you seem like you’re not over them, which can make your date nervous.^{[12]
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12

Face your body toward your date.

Whether you’re sitting or standing, angle your body toward your date. This lets your date know that you’re paying attention and listening to them. This also helps you make eye contact with your date, which can make you feel more connected.^{[13]
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- If you’re walking around, don’t worry about facing your date (since that might be tough).
- If you’re sitting at a table, scoot in close so you can hear every word your date is saying. If you’re on a park bench, angle slightly inwards so your body faces theirs.

13

Stand up straight to look sure of yourself.

Your date will probably be more attracted to you if you look confident. Push your shoulders back, line your neck up with your chest, and engage your abs slightly to keep your posture (and your body) looking good. Try not to overthink it, though! If you feel stiff or awkward, just sit or stand like you normally would.^{[14]
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14

Keep your legs uncrossed.

When you cross your legs, you’re telling the world that you’re closed off. Going on a date is all about being open with another person. Try to keep your legs in a neutral position when you sit down.^{[15]
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- Similarly, you should keep your arms uncrossed, too. Crossing your arms can make you look angry or disinterested in your date, and no one wants that!

15

Touch your date lightly on the arm or the shoulder.

Breaking the touch barrier shows someone that you’re interested in them. If you find the opportunity, try gently touching your date’s forearm, elbow, or shoulder. Keep it light and quick so you don’t make your date uncomfortable, and back off if they don’t seem into it.^{[16]
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- You could say “I love your watch!” and grab their hand to get a closer look.
- Try lightly touching your date’s arm when you laugh at a joke.
- If your date touches you on the arm or the shoulder, it’s a good sign that they’re into you.

16

Take your time to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye is the last impression you leave your date with. Try not to rush it! Take a minute to give your date a hug or a handshake. If you’d like to, talk about plans for getting in touch in the future.^{[17]
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- You could say something like, “I really had a good time tonight. Would you like to do this again sometime?”
- Not every date will be a winner. If you’re wrapping up the date and you don’t want to go on another one, give your date a handshake and just thank them for the nice time without committing to anything else.
- If you’re both feeling it, you could go in for a quick kiss. However, not everyone likes to kiss on the first date, so don’t feel pressured to.

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What if I already asked them to a date at the movies?

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That's fine! A movie date can be fun too. Consider going somewhere before or after so you can talk with your date one on one. Maybe head to a diner for a late-night burger, or grab a quick coffee at a coffee shop.
Question

Is it oversharing to admit to your date that you read wikiHow articles on how to act on a first date because you were so nervous? Is it possible they would find the honesty endearing?

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They'd probably find it endearing! It's a good way to break the ice and let your date know that you're a little nervous, since they're probably a little nervous too.
Question

How do I initiate a first kiss?

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If you both had a good time on your date and you feel like doing in for the kiss, take a second to pause as you say goodbye and look into your date's eyes. Slowly lean in, then give them a quick kiss on the lips before pulling back.