How to Act After the First Date

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: September 30, 2020 References

Dating can be awkward, especially after the first date. Determining how to act means determining how you feel. Think about whether you want to go out again and, from there, communicate this to the other person. While interactions can sometimes be uncomfortable, a little etiquette can help you smoothly navigate the days following a first date.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Reflecting on the Event

1
Remember it's only one date. People have a tendency to judge quickly after a first date. When deciding your feelings, have some perspective. It's only one date. Whether you felt so-so about it, or had a great time, this is just one encounter and you can't make any sweeping decisions yet.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If there was very little spark, do not decide it isn't worth pursuing. Unless there were very obvious red flags, consider giving the person a second chance if you had a decent time.
- If it went well, remember it was only one date and the other person may not have felt the same way. You're not in a relationship yet, so try to take things one day at a time before leaping to conclusions about where the relationship's going.
2
Try not to overanalyze. It's important to examine your feelings about the person after a date, but overanalyzing can do more harm than good. Try not to obsess over the meaning of every hand touch, hug, or other gesture. While small things can sometimes indicate a character trait, they can also be meaningless.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- For example, if your date checked a text during dinner, you may be wondering if this means they're an inconsiderate person. If this only happened once throughout the whole date, they may have been checking the time or waiting on an important call. For now, try not to think about the text incident too much.
Advertisement
3
Decide if you want a second date. Sometimes, you know for sure you want a second date, but sometimes it's more confusing. There is no pressure to go on a second date if you don't want to, but it's worth giving someone a chance if you had a decent time. However, if you were very uncomfortable or didn't have any fun, you may want to move on to someone else.^{[3]
X
Research source}
4
Figure out any potential red flags. Sometimes, red flags show up early. If your date engaged in behaviors that seemed rude or inappropriate on more than one occasion, this may be a sign this person is not worth pursuing.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For example, maybe they rolled their eyes or laughed at a serious comment you made. Maybe they barely engaged in conversation. Maybe they just made you uncomfortable throughout the night.
- Trust your instinct. Don't keep seeing someone if they have a bad vibe.
5
Think about the level of attraction. If you felt no attraction to the person at all whatsoever, a second date may not be worth it. However, keep in mind you may not be wildly attracted to the person right away, especially if you're nervous. If you felt the person was decent looking, even if you weren't swept off your feet, it may be worth a second date to see if attraction develops.^{[5]
X
Research source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Afterwards

1
Send a casual text saying you had a good time. This is usually best if you're interested in going out again. You do not need to gush about what a great time you had, but just send something simple. For example, "I had a great time with you yesterday. Hope we can do it again soon!"^{[6]
X
Research source}
- There's no need to wait the customary three days, as this is no longer considered dating gospel. You can send the text when you get home from the date or the next day.
- You can also text your date to find out if they made it home safely. This will show your care and concern for the other person’s well-being and may encourage further conversations.
- If the date went well, then you might consider sending a text within the first 24 hours after the date. It’s okay to be the one to do this and open up the possibilities for further conversation. Try saying something like, “I had a great time the other night. I hope you’re doing well today. If you have time, let’s go for coffee on Tuesday.”
2
Interact casually online. You should only do this if the two of you already follow each other on social media. Try replying to tweets or posting on their Facebook a little bit more if you're interested in them. This can show you've been thinking of them and would like to go out again.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- If you don't already interact with them online, however, suddenly adding them on Facebook may seem like a bit much.
3
Ask to see them again if there was a spark. If you want to see them again, say so. Do not wait too long, as this can feel like playing games. The goal is to show your interest without coming across as needy or desperate. Sometime within the next 24 hours, send a text that says something like, "I had a great time last night. I'd love to see you again. When are you free?"

EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Ask your date to do something together that they're interested in. If your date told you they like comedy shows, ask them to go with you to a local comedy show coming up. This shows them that you listened and are interested in moving forward with them.
4
Let them know respectfully if there was no connection. If you've decided not to pursue things further, you should communicate this. This is especially important if the other person has been texting you expressing interest. After about 24 hours, send a polite text saying something like, "I had a really great time meeting you, but I just didn't feel a connection. Sorry."
- If you did not feel a connection, then it is unlikely that the other person did either. However, if you are unsure about whether or not the person is interested in you, then try to ask them in a respectful way by the end of the night. For example, you could say something like, “It has been great to meet you, but I’m not really feeling a connection. What about you?”
5
Accept rejection. Unfortunately, sometimes the other person does not feel the same way about you. If someone turns you down for a second date, try to accept it with grace. Send them a text thanking them for letting you know there wasn't a connection and wishing them well.
- For example, say something like, "I appreciate you letting me know how you feel. Good luck in the dating game."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Mistakes

1
Do not text excessively. If someone is not responding to your texts promptly and giving short replies, you may be texting too much. It's okay to text a lot after a first if the person is encouraging conversation, but if you're getting silence on their end, it may be best to tone it down. You don't want to seem overeager, as this could potentially put someone off.
2
Avoid phone calls. For the most part, people rarely make phone calls anymore, especially in the dating game. Texts are generally the preferred method of communication, so stick to texting your date rather than calling them.
- However, if you're older and do not use smart phones, calling may still be appropriate. If your date has preferred phone calls previously, calling may be a better route in this case.
3
Stay away from their social media. Again, it's okay to interact on social media if you're already connected there, and it may be a good way to learn the basics about a person. However, if you're not, do not add them on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. You should also avoid scrolling through their profiles, as this may cause you to overanalyze things and jump to unfair conclusions.^{[8]
X
Research source} Talk to the person directly instead to learn about them.
- Make sure that you are tactful about anything you post on social media as well, or don’t post anything at all. Your first date with someone should be between you and the other person, so you may want to avoid posting about it on social media altogether.
4
Keep in touch with other potential matches. Even if it went well, one date does not mean you're in a relationship. If you're talking to other people you're interested in, keep in touch with them. This relationship may not work out, so it's okay to keep looking in case things fall through.^{[9]
X
Research source}

Community Q&A

Question

Is it normal on the first date that your date didn't say anything like "I like you" or "you look beautiful"? But at the end off the date he kissed you?

Community Answer

People express their affections differently and some people aren't upfront with their words. If your date kissed you, he is probably interested.
Question

Should the girl text the guy after their first date?

Community Answer

It doesn't matter who texts back first. If you want to text back, and it's been about a day, do so.
Question

How do we act if our date is being dirty with us after the date?

Community Answer

If your date's doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, like making dirty comments, this is a red flag. Do not keep seeing someone who makes you uncomfortable.