How to Make the First Move As a Girl

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: October 18, 2022 References

Whether you’ve liked someone for a long time, found them on an online dating site, or just caught their eye across the room, it’s can be intimidating to make the first move as a woman—but it could just be worth the risk. You never know if this person could end up being your first love, your lifelong partner, or even just a fun person to go out with. Even if nothing comes from it, making the first move as a woman will make you feel incredibly brave and confident. Take a deep breath, remember that you’re a total catch, and go for it!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Flirting with Someone You’ve Just Met

1
Make eye contact and smile. If you’ve spotted someone cute at a party, event, restaurant, or bar, making the first move means simply introducing yourself and striking up a conversation. First, catch their eye and hold their gaze for a few seconds. Give them a small smile before you look away.^{[1]
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- Glance back a few more times and try to make eye contact at least once more, so the person knows it wasn’t just a fluke.
- The eye contact might feel uncomfortable at first. Count out 2 seconds in your head to distract yourself from the awkwardness, then glance away naturally.
- Too much eye contact might come across as intimidating.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
2
Casually move closer to them. No need to make a beeline straight for them! Make it seem like you’re wandering over, talking with a friend or playing on your phone as you go.^{[3]
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- If they’re sitting at another table, grab a friend and walk nonchalantly in that direction, chatting to each other to make it seem natural.
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3
Strike up a casual conversation. This might feel like the hardest part, but it’s also the most important! Sip your drink or take a bite of your food, then take a deep breath. Have a couple of easy conversation-starters in your back pocket to rely on.^{[4]
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- Say, “Could I get your opinion on something?” Follow up with an easy question, like “Do you know of anything else fun to do around here?” or “What do you think of the music they’re playing? I’m not sold.”^{[5]
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- Compliment them casually. Stay away from general comments, like “You’re really cute.” Instead, try something more concrete and unique, like “Your socks are amazing,” or “That book is great! Good choice.”
4
Ask for their number if you’re hitting it off. This is another tough step, but one that’s essential if you really want to see them again. Remind yourself that if they say no, you’ll never have to see them again!^{[6]
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- You can say something like, “This is pretty out of character for me, but I really liked talking to you and would love to hang out more. Could I maybe get your number?”
- If you still feel like you’re testing the waters, say, “We should definitely hang out again!,” and then pause. If they feel the same, they’ll take this as permission to ask for your number.
5
Don’t be afraid to text them first. Send something relaxed and low-pressure. Touch on something you talked about to remind them of how well you connected, and to prompt even more conversation!
- For example, you could say, “Hey, this is Rachel from the restaurant last night. It was really cool to meet you. I wish everyone could talk that much about dogs with someone they just met ;)”^{[7]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making the First Move with Someone You Already Know

1
Flirt like they’re already attracted to you. Start small, by looking into their eyes when you talk, or lowering your gaze and then looking up at them through your eyelashes. Smile slowly while maintaining eye contact. You could play with your hair or maybe touch their arm when you talk or laugh.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Research suggests that acting and flirting like you already know the person is interested in you is more likely to make them actually have feelings for you. Have confidence and go for it!^{[10]
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2
Look your best whenever you’re around them. You don’t have to dress extremely fancy, but make sure your hair looks neat and that your face is fresh and clean. In relaxed situations, wear a cute and comfy tee and some leggings or jeans, and a little makeup if you want. If you’re going to an event the person will be at, step it up a little more.Like a dress with some heels.^{[11]
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- Dress in something that shows off your best self—something that you feel confident and stylish in.^{[12]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
3
Make them jealous by talking about other people you’re interested in. This will create some competition, which might make the person realize they don’t want you spending time with other people. You can also spend a little less time with them to make them miss you. You’ll notice them start to get a bit jealous, which means they’re starting to think of you as someone they could be interested in!^{[13]
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4
Invite them out for one-on-one time. Go to a movie or concert, get lunch, or swim at the pool or beach. This is especially important if you’ve only spent time together in a large group. Showing them that you want to hang out with just the 2 of you will tell them you want to get closer.
- When you ask them, make it obvious that it’s not a date. Say, for example, “You’re the only person I know who will sit through this new horror movie with me. Don’t make me go alone!”
5
Hug them and get closer physically. Let your legs brush when you’re sitting next to each other. Casually lean against them while you’re watching a movie. Hug them when you say hello and goodbye, and don’t be afraid to linger a little or even kiss them on the cheek.
- Make an excuse to get closer to see how they react. Say, for example, “It’s so cold out!” Wait to see if they take the opportunity to lend you their jacket or even wrap their arms around you.
6
Try a kiss when you’re ready. Move a little closer to them. If it feels natural, lean against their side, or touch their arm or hand. Try touching their face or hair, then smile a little and look at their lips. Lean in and close your eyes, staying calm and relaxed. Do what feels natural to you, and don’t overthink it! ^{[14]
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- Go somewhere private and quiet where you can focus on each other. Try setting up a movie night on your couch, or going for a walk in the park.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Sending the First Message Online

1
Poke fun at them. Make a light-hearted joke out of something you see on their profile, like a ridiculous picture or a cheesy description. This will help you connect with each other right away, and you can also get an idea of how well your senses of humor will match up.^{[15]
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- Say something like, “You’re just holding that dog so girls will talk to you! I’m onto you…”
2
Ask them a funny, personal question. Try something light, random, interesting and unique to make yourself stand out. You’ll get the conversation flowing naturally and start getting to know them right away.^{[16]
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- Say, for example, “What’s the most embarrassing thing you did when you were little?” or “Tell me about the weirdest date you’ve ever had.”
- You could also ask something specific, like what their favorite movie or TV show was in the past year, the best meal they ate over the past month, or their favorite book of all time.
- Send a random emoji with no context. If he doesn’t respond at all, say, “No?” to make a little bit of mystery. If he asks what’s going on, say, “It was a test. You failed. But you can earn back some points by going out to dinner with me.”
3
Play a flirty game. Skip the introduction and go right into a game like Truth or Dare or Would You Rather. They’ll see you as playful, and competitive in a good way.^{[17]
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- Start off with something funny and random, like, “I have a burning question for you. Would you rather have unlimited sushi until the day you die, or a lifetime supply of tacos?”^{[18]
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4
Ask them out right away. This is an especially great strategy on an app like Tinder or Bumble, where both people have to like each other to be able to message. You already know you’re attracted to each other, so there’s no need to beat around the bush! Maintain a playful tone so they know you’re joking, but that you’re also very interested.^{[19]
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- Say something playful, like, “So about that fancy dinner we’re going to get…”
5
Use online dating sites safely. Be honest on your profile, but don’t give out personal information online. Arrange to meet in a crowded public place, like a popular restaurant or cafe, and have your own transportation to and from the date so you don’t have to rely on them to provide it.^{[20]
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- Never tell your full name, address, or other personal or financial information to someone you’ve only met online.
- Finding date on an app or website can be fun if you use them correctly. Use common sense and follow your gut instincts!

Community Q&A

Question

What if I go for the kiss and he says what are you doing?

Community Answer

Don't panic! He was probably just taken by surprise. Lean back a little and smile at him. Say, "I want to see what it's like to kiss you. Is that okay?" Try not to say sorry or act like you've done anything wrong, because you haven't! If you stay calm, he will too.