How to Have a First Kiss

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

If you like someone and are pretty sure they like you back, you may be wondering if it's time for your first kiss. Having your first kiss is exciting, but it's normal to feel nervous and unsure about what to do. In fact, it's likely the person you want to kiss feels the exact same way. When you're ready to have your first kiss, pick a good time to do it, like on a date. Then, touch the person and lean in for a kiss. When the kiss is over, hold hands or cuddle for awhile.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Setting the Scene

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Pick the right setting for your first kiss. While you might be eager to get that first kiss, it's best to pick a time and location that will feel comfortable. Wait until you're alone with the person you want to kiss. Then, talk to them to make sure they're feeling comfortable and in a good mood.^{[1]
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- For instance, it's a bad idea to kiss someone when they're in the middle of doing something or while they're upset.
- A good setting for your first kiss might be during a date or at a school dance.
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Flirt with them to set the mood for kissing. Smile at them and keep your arms open and at your sides so you don't seem closed off. Lightly touch them on their hand, arm, or upper thigh, if they're okay with it. Additionally, give them compliments, ask them questions about themself, and listen to what they have to say.^{[2]
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- Watch how they're acting to see if they're flirting back. If they're looking into your eyes, smiling, keeping their body open, and talking a lot, then they're likely flirting with you.
- However, if you notice them pulling away, folding their arms, or looking down a lot, slow down and give them some space.
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Use lip balm to keep your lips soft, but skip sticky lip gloss. No one wants to kiss dry, cracked lips. Be sure to slather on lip balm to keep your lips soft and kissable. Choose an unscented flavor because your date might not like scents.^{[3]
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- Sticky lip gloss is often a turn off because it has a weird texture. Just use regular lip balm.
- If you normally wear lipstick, it's okay to wear it when you kiss someone. However, choose a lipstick that's long-wearing and less likely to rub off. Additionally, don't apply it right before the kiss.
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Pop a mint or a piece of gum to freshen your breath. Bad breath is a big turn off, so be courteous to your kissing partner. Eat a breath mint or chew on a piece of mint gum several minutes before you try to kiss the person.^{[4]
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- Choose sugar-free breath mints or gum because sugar can make bad breath worse.
- Carry a pack of mints or gum with you so you can freshen your breath as needed.
Tip: If you plan to go in for a kiss later in the day, skip stinky foods like garlic, onions, and dairy.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Leaning in for a Kiss

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Touch them gently to initiate physical contact. At first, touch their arm or shoulder. Then, move your hand to their hair or face and gently touch them for a few seconds. If you feel ready, gently brush the hair away from their face, then rest your hand on their shoulder or cup their cheek.^{[5]
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- You might also try putting your arm around their shoulders.
- Introduce touching slowly. Start small by touching their hand, then only continue if they are smiling and leaning in toward you.
Tip: It's okay to change your mind about wanting the kiss, and you don't have to do it if you decide you don't want to. It's totally normal to feel nervous and change your mind. If this happens, change the subject by asking them to do something else. Say something like, "Will you show me that game you were talking about?" "I wonder what the others are doing. Let's go see!" or "I'm hungry! Let's go get a snack."
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Make eye contact to show them you're interested. Meet their gaze and stare into their eyes for 1-3 seconds. Then, look away for a few moments. Keep returning your gaze to theirs, but don't stare at them continuously.^{[6]
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- If they meet your gaze, they are likely interested in you and may be open to kissing.
- If they are avoiding eye contact with you, they may not want a kiss.
3
Ask if they want to kiss. Getting consent is the best way to make sure you and the other person both want the kiss to happen. This might seem scary, but it can be really romantic. Here are some ways you could ask:^{[7]
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- “Can I kiss you?”
- “May I have this kiss?”
- “Would you like a kiss?”
Tip: If you're too afraid to ask, that's totally okay! Lots of people are afraid to ask for a kiss. Consider writing them a short note instead. It might say, “Kiss me?” or “Can we kiss?”
4
Move your body toward theirs. Close the distance between you by scooting closer to them or leaning in their direction. Then, wait for them to come closer to you, which will show they're interested in kissing you.^{[8]
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- If they move away, they might not be interested in kissing. It's best to back off and give them their space.
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Tilt your head to the opposite side of theirs. Watch to see if they tilt their head more to the right or to the left. Then, shift your head in the opposite direction. This way, your noses won't bump into each other during the kiss.^{[9]
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- You don't have to tilt your head a lot. Just make sure your nose isn't directly in front of their nose.
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Close your eyes as you go in for the kiss. As you near their lips, close your eyes, and keep them closed until the kiss is over. This will prevent them from getting uncomfortable during the kiss.^{[10]
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- If you stare at them during the kiss, they might feel uncomfortable. Plus, keeping your eyes open can take away from the mood.
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Part your lips slightly and press them against their lips. Keep your lips soft rather than tensing them up. Remember to keep your head tilted a little so that your noses won't bump. Gently kiss them for several seconds. Try not to get any of your saliva onto their lips.^{[11]
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- It's okay to keep your lips pressed together during your kiss.
- Don't open your mouth or use tongue during your first kiss.
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Put your hands behind their head or on their lower back. Figuring out what to do with your hands during a kiss can feel tricky. Try putting them behind the person's head. You can play with their hair or caress their neck during the kiss. Alternatively, place your hands on their lower back to keep things simple.^{[12]
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- These are not the only places you can put your hands, but they're a good start when you're new to kissing.

Part 3

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Finishing the Kiss

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Pull away to give you both a chance to take a breath. Don't keep kissing them for more than a few seconds. Stop and put a little space between the two of you. Take a moment to breathe and think about what happened.^{[13]
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- It's okay to go back in for another kiss, but it's best to take a little break first.
2
Smile at them to show them you liked it. Remember, the other person is likely just as nervous about kissing as you are. Show them you liked it by looking at them and smiling.^{[14]
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- You might also hold their hand or put your arm around them.
3
Go in for a second kiss only if they seem ready for it. Make eye contact, then lean in close again. Watch to see if they're leaning in, too. If you're in doubt, ask them if they want another kiss.^{[15]
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- Say, “Are you ready for another kiss?” or “Can we do that again?”
- Only go in for another kiss if you want one. Don't feel pressured to kiss if you don't feel like it.
4
Cuddle or hold hands for several minutes afterwards. After the kiss, spend some time being intimate without kissing. Hold them in your arms, snuggle up next to them, or hold hands. Do what feels comfortable for both you and your kissing partner.^{[16]
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- Relax and enjoy this time together. You might watch a movie, talk, or go for a walk.
5
Say something about the kiss when you're ready. You might feel overwhelmed or nervous right after your kiss, and that's okay. On the other hand, you might feel really excited and chatty. Either way, talk to your kissing partner about what happened when you feel ready, whether it's right after the kiss or later in the day or night.^{[17]
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- For instance, say something like, “I've been wanting to do that for a really long time,” “That was nice,” or “You're a good kisser.”
- Don't feel like you have to say something right away. It's okay to wait.
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Follow up with your kissing partner the day after your kiss. Text, call, or talk to the person you kissed to check on how they're doing. Let them know if you're interested in going on another date or hanging out with them again. Additionally, tell them if you enjoyed the kiss.^{[18]
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- Keep in mind that having a first kiss doesn't mean you always have to kiss. It's okay to decide you want to wait awhile to do it again. On the other hand, it's perfectly normal to be excited about the chance to get another kiss.
- Say something like, "I had fun last night. The kiss was nice. Do you want to walk me home from school tomorrow?"

Expert Q&A
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Question

Should I ask to kiss her or just do it?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If you're confident enough to lean in and kiss the other person, they may see you as a confident person who doesn't mind taking the lead. Those early encounters are about the newness and the taboo, and when someone is assertive, it can be exciting, as long as it feels good for both people.

Warnings

Don't kiss someone if they appear sick, like if they're coughing or sneezing. Similarly, don't kiss anyone who has sores around their mouth. While sometimes these are just pimples, they could be a cold sore, which are contagious.

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