How to Prepare for Your First Time for Guys

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: September 12, 2022 References

Having sex is a really big step in a relationship, and we know that there's a little bit of pressure to make your first time really memorable. While everyone has different experiences when they lose their virginity, there are some things you can do to make it a great experience for you and your partner. Keep reading to learn more about how to talk to your partner, set the mood, and stay safe for your first time.

1

Wait until you feel ready to have sex.

You shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into having sex. There isn’t a “right” time or age when you should have sex or lose your virginity, so it all depends on when you feel comfortable making that choice. Your first time is really personal and everyone experiences it at a different time, so don’t let your partner or your friends make you feel like you need to rush into something you’re not ready for.^{[1]
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- If you’re feeling nervous about having sex, talk to someone you trust and can be open with, such as a parent, counselor, or doctor.

2

Talk about sex with your partner beforehand.

Communicate openly so you know what your partner is comfortable with. Try to have a discussion before you even get intimate to make sure you’re both ready. Talk about what you expect from sex, what feels good for you, and if it’s something you want to do together. If your partner has had sex before, be sure to talk about their past partners and ask if they’ve been tested for sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) to ensure you stay safe.^{[2]
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- For example, you might ask something like, “What would you like to do when we’re feeling in the mood?” or “What can I do to make you feel the best when we have sex?”
- If your partner avoids the subject, they might not be ready or comfortable with having sex yet. It's always important to respect boundaries!^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}

3

Clean and groom yourself.

You’ll seem sexier if you look and smell nice. If you haven’t already, take a shower and scrub yourself with some good-smelling soap so you don’t have any body odor. Take a little bit of time to trim your pubic hair with a pair of grooming scissors or an electric trimmer. When you’re finished cleaning yourself up, spritz a little cologne on yourself to really help you smell good.^{[4]
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- Less is more when it comes to cologne. Too much cologne could be really overpowering.

4

Choose a clean, private place for your first time.

A bedroom is a pretty safe and secluded option. Since you want to share a really intimate moment, look for a place where you aren’t going to be interrupted by other people. If you’re planning on having sex at your place, make your bed, get rid of any clutter in your room, and spray an air freshener.^{[5]
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- Wash your sheets beforehand to get rid of any crumbs, stains, and odors.

5

Set the mood with lights and music.

Making the room more romantic can take off some of the pressure. Dim the lights a little bit and try lighting a few candles if you really want to make your first time an intimate moment. If you have the time, make or find a playlist with some slow, sexy music that you both like to have something on in the background.^{[6]
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- Be careful not to add any songs that are too distracting since it could pull you out of the moment.

6

Ask for consent.

You should only have sex if your partner also wants to. Always ask your partner if they feel comfortable and want to have sex before you do anything physically. If your partner says yes, then you can keep going, but if they say no, then don’t pressure them anymore. Your partner cannot give consent if they’ve been drinking alcohol, have done drugs, or if you force them to have sex.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- For example, you could ask something as simple as, “Do you want to have sex?” or “Are you comfortable if we have sex right now?”
- If you want to let your partner decide, try asking something like “What would you like me to do to you right now?”
- Keep in mind that the age of consent may vary depending on your location.

7

Start with some foreplay.

It’s going to feel a lot more passionate if you take the time building up to it. Start with some cuddling, kissing, light touching, and whatever else you’re comfortable with. Ask your partner where they want to be touched and speak up and say how you want them to touch you too so you both have a good time.^{[9]
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- Some common areas that can help your partner get aroused are their genitals, breasts, neck, earlobes, or thighs.^{[10]
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- Talk through everything you’re doing with your partner to make sure they’re still comfortable with it. If your partner says they want to stop, then be respectful and stop.

8

Wear a condom.

Condoms can help prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. Choose condoms that are made of latex or polyurethane and have reservoir tips for the best protection. When you open the condom, pinch the tip with one hand and put it on your penis. Then, roll the condom down the entire length so it fits tightly.^{[11]
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- While condoms are some of the most effective forms of birth control, they don’t offer 100% protection, so you may want to ask if your partner is on another form of contraceptive.
- If the condom doesn’t easily unroll, you may have it inside out. Throw the condom away and start with a new one just to be safe.

9

Use lubrication.

Lube can help make sex less painful. Even though a lot of condoms are already pre-lubricated, a little extra may make your first time go a little easier. Since oil-based lube can weaken condoms or make them break, look for brands that are water- or silicone-based to ensure they’re safe to use.^{[12]
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- Avoid using oil-based lube when you’re wearing a condom since the lube could make it break.

10

Take it slow.

Starting sex too quickly could be painful or make you finish early. Sex is a brand new sensation for you, so take your time to relax and enjoy it. Go slowly at first and check in with your partner to see how it feels. You can always speed up and slow down again as you get into a rhythm.^{[13]
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- If sex doesn’t feel good for you, try changing up what position you’re doing. If you really don’t feel comfortable, tell your partner and stop.

11

Accept that your first time might be a little awkward.

It takes a bit of time to know what you like when you’re intimate. A lot of people put pressure on themselves to make their first time really memorable, but it’s okay if it isn’t what you were expecting. Try to ignore what does or doesn’t happen during your first time, and focus on if you and your partner are enjoying yourselves.^{[14]
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- You don’t have to mention that it’s your first time to your partner if you don’t want to, but it might help you feel more relaxed and less awkward.

12

Check in with your emotions.

You can be a little emotionally confused after your first time. Some people feel really attached to the person they lose their virginity to while others may feel a little more detached. After you finish, talk over what’s going through your head with your partner to see how they’re feeling about it too.^{[15]
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Warnings

Avoid having sex if you or your partner have any alcohol or drugs.^{[17]
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Trustworthy Source
Johns Hopkins Medicine
Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital
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If your partner has had sex with other people before, ask them to get tested for STIs since they could still spread even if your partner doesn’t have symptoms.^{[18]
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
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Always use some form of contraceptive, like condoms or birth control, to help prevent any unwanted pregnancies.^{[19]
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Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
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