How to Get Her in the Mood

Last Updated: January 26, 2023 References

If you want to get her in the mood, then you'll need to set the stage. Listen, be patient, and go out of your way to show her how much she matters to you. Above all: remember to focus on her! With a little luck, you'll both end up excited to snuggle up and enjoy each other's company.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Turning Her On in the Moment

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Surprise her with a kiss, caress, or gentle touch. Walk up behind her and kiss her neck. Touch her stomach and breasts. Run your hands over her body and make her feel your desire.^{[1]
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Research source} Press yourself against her back and grind, slowly.
2
Take your time with the foreplay. Dim the lights, turn off your phone, and try to be absolutely present in this intimate space. Run your hands over her body. Kiss her: gently, at first, then more passionately as the mood heats up. Slowly, carefully undress her, and let her clothes fall to the floor. Look deep into her eyes, and smile.
- Give her a massage. Practice your foot or back massage so that you can truly help her relax. Warm up her muscles while giving her some loving attention.
- Run your fingers or lips across her joints. The neck, inside elbows, and the back of the knee are more sensitive than other parts of the body.
- Touch her thighs. Work your way slowly up and down her legs. Grab her rear and dig your fingers into her hip.^{[2]
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Talk in a low, sultry tone. Whisper your compliments or come-ons slowly and seductively into her ear. Tell her how much you want her. The gentle brush of your lips combined with a low voice can help turn her on.
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Try incorporating toys and other elements of kink. Invest in bedroom toys that are geared toward women. Give her the toy as a gift, and suggest that the two of you try it out later.^{[3]
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Take control, unless she prefers to. Some people like to be more dominant in the bedroom, while others prefer a more submissive role.^{[4]
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Research source} Pick up on cues regarding whether or not she likes to be in control. Bear in mind that she may like to take charge sometimes, but also quite enjoy it when you make the moves. If she always waits for you to start the move to the bedroom, then she might like it when you are slightly dominant.
- Don't be afraid to ask her.^{[5]
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  Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.} If you're comfortable doing so, you can simply say, "Do you find that you're more dominant or more submissive in bed?" You might also phrase it as a statement: "I love the feeling of taking charge in the bedroom. How do you like it when I do that?"

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing Your Appreciation

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Compliment her. Make her feel wanted, and let her know how much you appreciate her. It might be hard for her to let her guard down if she doesn't feel your desire. Self-esteem can be a tricky Tell her she’s beautiful regularly and when she least expects it.
- Compliment her beauty. Pick your favorite body part and tell her what you like about it. Don't just say, "You're so hot." Tell her, "You have the most gorgeous eyes," or "The muscles in your back are so strong – all of that yoga is paying off!"
- Compliment her mind or her personality. Tell her how much you appreciate her storytelling ability, or the way that she passionately explains her ideas. Mention how impressed you are by her kindness, her compassion, or her organizational skills. Don't just fixate on her body.
- Compliment her on a specific action or event. Bring up something that happened recently: "I was really impressed by the way that you handled the situation with your sister today. I know that it's frustrating – but you were so patient, and you truly held everything together."
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Go out of your way to help her out. Don’t offer to do the dishes or unload the car – just do it without her needing to ask. Surprise her by cooking dinner or cleaning the garage. Take the kids out for the evening so that she can get some peace and quiet. Giving selflessly to the relationship may improve your connection in and out of bed.
- Many women who work full-time jobs are still doing more than half of the chores and childcare. If she says that she’s too tired for sex, then it may be time to take some of the burden off her shoulders indefinitely.^{[6]
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3
Figure out what turns her on. The next time you are snuggling, ask her about her fantasies. When you are intimate with each other, pay close attention to notice what drives her absolutely crazy in bed. If it works, then keep doing it!
- Don’t assume that you can turn a woman on with a one-size-fits-all plan! Every person has his or her own particular desires and preferences, so don't be afraid to ask what she likes.^{[7]
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  Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.}
4
Listen to her. Be humble and compassionate in your relationship, and go out of your way to hear to what she has to say. If you aren't listening to her, then she may not feel that you value her perspective. If she doesn't feel respected, then she might have a hard time opening up to you.
- The next time you have an argument, don't just focus on trying to win. Apologize, and consider her feelings. Make her feel heard.^{[8]
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Groom well and often. Brush your teeth, shave, and make a commitment to general fitness. Take a shower and make an effort to look nice. Try to stay as well-kept as you were when you first got together. Going the extra mile regularly is more likely to remind her what an attractive partner she has.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making Quality Time Together

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Exercise together. Many women report feeling higher levels of arousal after exercise that increases blood circulation in their pelvis and whole body. Try spinning, climbing, yoga, or acro-yoga. Go for a run, a bike ride, or a long hike together.^{[9]
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- This can be a great way to fire up the physical side of your relationship. When you exercise, you are engaging with your body in a conscious way – and when you exercise with your partner, you are engaging with her body as well. Compliment her on her physique, and impress her with your own athleticism.
2
Do something that she’s passionate about. If she likes to read: take her on a date to an independent bookstore, or write her a romantic note, or spend an intimate day reading together. If she likes dessert: surprise her with chocolate, or set up a weekly Wednesday night dessert date. Show her that you are listening when she tells you what she likes.^{[10]
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- Pick something that you like to do, too! Find the intersections between your passions and hers.
3
Rent a sexy movie. Your lady might not be into erotica – but even a steamy scene in a drama or rom-com can aid the process of getting her in the mood. A Northwestern University study suggests that women are often more aroused by erotica than men are.^{[11]
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Find an excuse to get dressed up. Wear a suit and tie; shave; and groom yourself well. Suggest that she wear your favorite tight shirt or dress. Then, take her out for a romantic evening together. Looking good can translate to feeling confident about yourself in bed.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I get someone in the mood if I feel awkward?

Community Answer

Feel confident about yourself. You can't make your special one open up until you show her you are confident in yourself.