How to Get a Boyfriend in Middle School

Co-authored by Nicole Moore

Last Updated: September 18, 2022 References Approved

Getting a boyfriend in middle school might seem like a really confusing task. You may not know how to get your crush’s attention, or even how to find the right boy in the first place. While there’s no magic potion that can make a boy fall in love with you, you can boost your chances of finding a boyfriend by building your own confidence and meeting lots of different guys. Once you’ve found a cutie that’s boyfriend material, don’t be afraid to show him you’re interested and ask him to hang out.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Looking and Feeling Your Best

1
Practice good hygiene. Keeping yourself nice and clean will make you more attractive. Shower and use deodorant daily to keep your body smelling fresh. Wash your face and brush your teeth twice a day.^{[1]
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- You may want to shave your legs or armpits, but make sure to get permission from your parents before you start.
2
Wear a bit of makeup if you'd like to. Don't wear too much, just enough to make you feel comfortable. Some makeup that looks good on middle schoolers is:
- A little mascara. This makes your eyelashes longer and boys are more likely to notice you.
- Try some concealer if you have dark under-eye circles or acne.
- Wear lip gloss or a light shade of lip-stick. Don't wear dark red lipstick; it makes you look too adult.
- Scented body lotions and perfumes are great, but avoid using too much.
- However, it is also okay to not wear makeup if that is what you choose.
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3
Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Dress in clothes that make you feel beautiful and confident. For some people that might be a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and for others it might be a flowy sundress. The more confidence and positive energy you radiate, the more people will be drawn to you.^{[2]
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- Make sure your clothes are clean and neat. Wrinkles and coffee stains are not so cute.^{[3]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Meeting the Right Guy

1
Talk to single guys in class. Are there a few cute, single boys in your classes? Take action and start conversations with them to see if you connect. If their desks are near yours, this will be a little easier, but you can always chat them up before or after class, too.
- Starting a conversation might be intimidating, but all you have to do is comment on something related to the class! If the classroom is freezing, you could say something like, “Are you cold? This classroom feels like the arctic.”^{[4]
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- You could also ask them for help. You might ask, “Can I borrow a pencil?” or “Did you happen to catch the homework assignment?”
2
Go to parties and other social events. A great way to meet potential boyfriends is to put yourself out there! Go to your classmates’ parties and attend school functions, like football games and pep rallies. The more boys you meet, the more likely you are to find the right one for you.^{[5]
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- To make the most out of the social events you attend, you can’t stay huddled in a circle with your friends the entire time. If you see someone you like, start a casual conversation with them by commenting on something around you.^{[6]
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- For example, you could say, “I love this song! Do you know it?” If he’s a fan too, you already have something in common!
3
Ask your friends to help you meet boys. Your friends may know some cute single guys, so ask them if they can introduce you. Having a mutual friend with a guy can give the two of you something to talk about. Plus, if your friends approve of him, he’s probably a good guy.^{[7]
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- You might say, “I think I want a boyfriend. Do you know any cute guys that I should meet?”
4
Join clubs or activities that interest you. A great way to meet like-minded guys is to join an interesting activity or club! Having a common interest will help you connect.
- If you’re an athlete, you could join a sports team, like swimming or track and field. You’ll be able to show off your killer athletic abilities while meeting boys who share your love for sports.
- Maybe you love helping others. Join a volunteer organization at your school to meet sweet guys who love to do the same.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Showing You’re Interested

1
Say hi when you pass him in the halls. Now that you’ve got your eye on someone, you need to show him how you feel. Start by saying hi and giving him a big smile when you run into him.^{[8]
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2
Ask him questions. If you have time, start a conversation with your crush and ask him questions to get to know him better. Try to ask open-ended questions, which are questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no.^{[9]
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- An open-ended question could be something like, “So, why is Star Wars your favorite series of all time?”
3
Sit by him. You’re probably sitting a lot throughout the school day, so why not make the most of that time by sitting next to him? Sit next to him at lunch, on the bus, in class, or at the football game. Of course, it’s best not to sit next to him all the time--you might scare him away. However, sitting next to him now and then will give him a hint.^{[10]
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- You can even save him a seat if you’re feeling extra bold!
4
Flirt with him. Flirting might seem pretty confusing, but it can actually be pretty simple! A good way to start is by touching him lightly on the arm when you’re talking. You should also make eye contact, smile, and do a little playful teasing!^{[11]
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- Say something funny like, “Wow, you’re pretty good at soccer...almost as good as my little sister!”^{[12]
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- Make sure you keep the teasing lighthearted. If it seems like you’re hurting his feelings, back off.
5
Use social media to flirt. Like his photos on Instagram, tag him in funny memes, and keep up your Snapchat streak. Moderation is key, though. Liking posts from months ago and sending him an endless stream of Snapchats may look a little creepy.
6
Keep your texts fun and casual. You shouldn’t be in constant communication with your crush, or you could seem clingy. Instead, text him every of couple days talking about something funny that happened at school or wishing him luck on his baseball game.
- Don’t appear too eager when responding to his messages. Play hard-to-get by waiting a few minutes to respond to some of them.
- Make sure you're texting each other equally. If you’re always the one who has to initiate the conversation, it’s a bad sign.
7
Help him out when he needs it. Once you and your crush are on a friendly basis, offer to do favors for him. Maybe he needs a ride to the school play, and your mom has an extra seat in the car. If he forgot his lunch, offer him your extra yogurt. Basically, you should try to be a good friend.^{[13]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Asking Him to Hang Out

1
Invite him to hang out in a group. Asking someone to hang out alone can be pretty scary, so start by asking him to hang out in a group. It’ll keep things casual while giving the two of you time to bond. Plus, if your friends are there, they can give you tips and moral support.
- Get your friends and his friends together for a swim at the pool, a bowling tournament, or an adventurous day at the local theme park.
2
Ask him to hang out one-on-one. Once you’ve hung out in group situations a few times, you may want to hang out one-on-one. Your parents might not let you go to a movie alone, but you can ask him to go for a walk with you at lunch, or invite him to your house for family game night.^{[14]
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- You could say, “Hey, do you want to come over tonight? My family is having a game night, and it’s always super fun!”
- Make sure you ask your parents before making plans outside of school with your crush.
3
Be upfront about your feelings. If you think he’s interested and you want to start a relationship, it’s important to be honest about your emotions. No matter how obvious you think you’re being, your crush isn’t a mind reader. You don’t have to declare your undying love for him, but you should tell him that you’re interested in something more than friendship.^{[15]
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- You might say, “I really like you, and I’d love to get to know you better.”
- Try to do this in a private situation so it’s easier for both of you to communicate honestly and openly.
4
Move on if he’s not interested. Sometimes, a relationship just isn’t meant to be, so don’t take it personally. If he avoids you, seems bored when you’re together, declines your invitations to hang out, or seems to care more about chasing other girls, he may not be the one for you.^{[16]
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- Rejection can hurt, but there are tons of guys out there. Let yourself feel sad for a bit, then brush it off and meet some new guys who appreciate you for you.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know when you are ready to have a boyfriend?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert

Expert Answer

Being ready to embark on a relationship requires a variety of life skills. There are a few ways to know when you are ready to accept a boyfriend into your life. The first is respecting and treating yourself with kindness. If you don’t know how to treat yourself well, you certainly won’t be able to be discerning enough to find someone who will do the same. Secondly, you should know how to set boundaries. Being very clear about what kind of behavior you will and won’t accept, as well as how to assert your boundaries is essential to a healthy relationship. You are educated about sex, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.
Question

This boy and I both like each other, but he won't ask me out. What should I do?

Community Answer

Take matters into your own hands and ask him out! He's probably nervous, just like you are, and he'll be glad that you took control. If you don't want to ask him on a date right away, you can ask him to hang out in a group first.
Question

What do I do if he has a girlfriend?

Community Answer

Focus your energy on single guys for now. You can still be friends with this guy, but you shouldn't pursue him.

Warnings

Don’t change yourself for a boy. Any boy worth your time will appreciate you as you are.

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Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with to get a boyfriend, especially sexual things.

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No matter what, never like your crush's post on social media from more than two weeks ago. If you stalk him online- which you probably do- you don't want him to know that ;)

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