22 Subtle Ways to Touch Him to Show Affection (or to Turn Him On)

Use physical contact to let a special guy know how you feel

Written by Stefanie Safran | Edited by Dev Murphy

Last Updated: February 1, 2023 References

Showing Affection

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Flirting

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Turning Him On

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Tips

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Warnings

Touch is a great way to show a guy you care about him—or to drive him wild! If you want to make a guy fall for you, you have to know how to touch him the right way while making sure your advances are welcomed. The way you touch him will depend on what you want to convey, and it’ll also depend on how well you know the guy. We’ve assembled a guide to touching that special guy, whether you want to turn him on, or just hint that you’ve got a bit of a crush. Read on to learn more!

This article is based on an interview with our dating coach and matchmaker, Stefanie Safran, owner of Stef in the City. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Give him a hug or pat him on the back if you want to show affection.
Kiss him on the cheek or play with his hair to get flirty with him.
Hug him from behind or kiss the back of his neck to turn him on a little.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Showing Affection

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Hug him. If you want to show a guy affection, hugging him is a great way to let him know you care.^{[1]
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Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Just lean close to him, put your arms around him, and don't linger too long unless you want to show him that you really like him. If you're just getting to know him, have a good reason for hugging him—maybe you want to congratulate him on an accomplishment, or greet him when he walks into a room.^{[2]
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- Move your head to the side so you don't awkwardly bring your face too close to his.
2
Squeeze his shoulder. Squeezing a guy's shoulder is another way to show him that you care about him. Just reach over and give either his right or left shoulder a quick, gentle squeeze when you're sitting next to or facing him. You can do this to calm him down about something, to let him know that everything's okay, or just to show him that you're happy to see him.^{[3]
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- Squeeze his shoulder only for a quick second—there's no need to linger.
3
Touch his elbow. When you stand facing the guy, reach out to put your hand on his elbow with an open palm. Just gently touch his elbow to show him affection and to break the touch barrier.^{[4]
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- If your hand lingers, it'll look more intimate, but a quick pat on the elbow will just show him that you care—and can lead to something more.
4
Pat his hand. If you and the guy are sitting down with your hands on a table, or if you're sitting and the guy's hand is on his knees, you can reach over and gently pat the top of his hand for a second.^{[5]
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Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} This is a great way to reassure the guy and to make him feel special without getting too intimate.^{[6]
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- Don't try to hold his hand or let your hand linger on top of his—that can come later, if you like.
5
Pat him on the back. Pat the top of his back, just below his shoulder, to show him that you can care. Patting someone on the back once or twice is a good way to make an exit, or to say hello in that half-hug way without making things too awkward.^{[7]
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- The shoulders and upper back are good places to pat to convey casual affection; patting the lower back is a more intimate gesture.
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Put your arm around him. Sling your arm around him while you're walking, letting your arm rest just below his shoulders. This is a great way to show affection that can be interpreted as "buddy-buddy"—or as something more. Just watch his body language to make sure he’s not uncomfortable: if he’s open to being touched, his body will be more relaxed, and he might even reciprocate by wrapping an arm around you!^{[8]
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- If his body tenses up or he withdraws from you, these are signs he’s not comfortable being touched. If he does this, he may just be nervous, but assume he doesn’t want to be embraced and withdraw your arm, just in case.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Flirting

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Kiss the guy on the cheek. Kissing a guy on the cheek is a great way to touch him flirtatiously without coming on too strong. This typically happens when you greet or say goodbye to a hug, and you both lean in to give a kiss on opposite cheeks. Just make sure that you know the guy well enough and that the occasion is appropriate.^{[9]
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Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} You shouldn't try this move if you're saying hello in the halls or in a class, but you can try it if you're saying hello or goodbye at the end of a party or when you're out with your friends.^{[10]
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- When you kiss the guy on the cheek, let your lips just graze the side of his cheek. Don't give him a wet, sloppy kiss.
- Make sure that he's leaning in for the kiss or cheek-to-cheek move, too.
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Give him a playful smack. Another way to be flirtatious is to lightly hit the guy when you're talking. You can gently hit him on his upper arm if you're both standing up, or hit him on the knee if you're both sitting down. This is a move that says, "Oh, stop it! But really, don't..." Make sure you do this lightly and don't hit him too hard, or he'll be put off (and possibly hurt!).^{[11]
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- When you're being playful like this, it's important that the guy is reciprocating. If you're playfully hitting him from time to time, he should return the gesture. If he doesn’t, it might be a sign he’s not into it.
3
Kick him under the table. This is another low-key but effective way to touch a guy flirtatiously. If you're sitting across from each other and he says something that makes you laugh or which was meant to elicit an "Ew!" or "Gross!" reaction, then you can playfully kick the top of his foot with your own. If you're feeling bold, you can playfully kick him under the table and then move your feet so that they're just touching his, daring him to move.^{[12]
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- For an extra flirtatious option, temporarily place your hand on his leg.^{[13]
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  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
4
Play with his hair. Playing with a guy's hair is a great way to flirt with him. Run your fingers through his hair, or playfully pat his head. Just make sure he likes it—it's a pretty intimate gesture, and not every guy likes to have his hair touched.^{[14]
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- This is a pretty bold move, so don’t overuse it, and find a good reason to do it. For example, if the guy just got a haircut, you can gently squeeze his hair to tease him. If his hair looks a little messy, you can playfully try to fix it, using it as an excuse to touch him.
5
Touch his knees with yours. If you and the guy are sitting across from each other, lean in until your knees are almost touching. Then, if he moves closer, or if you're just feeling bold, have the tops of your knees touch, or move your knees so that one is on the outside of his legs and one is between them, so you move closer together. Lean your body toward him to make this happen.
- If he reciprocates by moving closer, consider taking things further by placing a hand on his knee and squeezing. Zoo-wee mama!
6
Gently brush his cheeks with your finger. If you really want to get flirty, wait for the time when the guy has an eyelash or even a bit of food on his cheek. Then, lean over and gently brush it off him, taking care to make light contact with his skin. Linger just enough to get flirty, and move closer to him so he feels you getting more intimate.^{[15]
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- Lots of people like being touched on the cheek because it’s soft and comfortable.
7
Hold his hand. Once you've gotten more intimate, you can reach your hand over to grasp your fella's hand. You can hold hands while you're walking, or while you're sitting down and talking or watching a movie. If you're sitting across from each other, you can hold hands under the table or with your hands over the table. Give the guy's hand a gentle squeeze from time to time to keep the flirtatious mood going.
- You can hold the hand of a guy you’re not dating, but this is a pretty straightforward sign you like him, so be prepared for him to withdraw his hand if he doesn’t feel the same. If you’re already dating, hand holding is a common way of showing affection.
- You could also put your hand on top of his, if you’re both seated.^{[16]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
8
Touch his chest. If you want to be flirtatious with the guy, place one hand on his chest as you're talking and moving closer to him. This is especially effective if he's standing with his back to a wall or if you're in a small, enclosed space.^{[17]
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- You can come up with a coy "excuse" to touch his chest, such as wanting to feel his shirt material, or just be overt and place your palm on his chest to let him know you want him.

Part 3

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Turning Him On

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Hug him from behind. If you want to turn a guy on who you’re already involved with, a hug from behind can be very effective. Stand behind him and wrap your arms around his stomach, bringing your bodies closer. You can rest your chin on his shoulder or press your forehead to his back, depending on your height. Let him feel your breath on the back of his neck. It won't take long for him to turn around and start kissing you.^{[18]
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- Make sure he knows you’re there before you hug him! You want to turn him on, not startle him.
2
Kiss the back of his neck. Kissing the back of a guy's neck is another great way to turn him on. Start by moving up behind him and wrapping your arms around him or squeezing his shoulders, and then begin gently kissing the back of his neck, working your way over to the sides of his neck below his ears.^{[19]
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- You can also turn him around and start kissing the front of his neck.
- Get really hot and heavy by biting his neck. Never bite hard (you're not a vampire), and be extremely gentle the first time to see how he reacts; not everyone likes being bitten!
3
Place your hand on the small of his back. The small of the guy's back, just above his waistline, is another great place to touch if you want to get him hot and bothered. Rest your hand on the small of his back and face him, using your hand to draw him closer to you.
- If you're already involved and intimate, you might take it a step further by resting your hand on his rear end, but of course, be receptive if he shrugs you off.
4
Massage his head or neck. Gently place your palm or fingers on the back of his head when you're kissing or just having an intimate conversation where you're leaning in close to each other and talking.
- Take it a step further by massaging his scalp a bit or running your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.
5
Touch his ear. The ear is a popular erogenous zone, and touching a guy there, whether it's with the tips of your fingers or the tips of your lips, is a great way to send a tingling sensation up and down his spine. You can stroke the area behind his ear with your hands as well, and even move on to gently touch his ear and earlobes.^{[20]
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- This is a great tactic to employ in conjunction with head massaging or ruffling his hair. He'll go crazy with desire!
6
Put your tongue in his ear. This is an intimate move that’s pretty much guaranteed to drive any guy wild. Touch the inside of the guy's ear with the very tip of your tongue. After you do that, gently blow in his ear to drive him crazy.^{[21]
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- If you're not comfortable with putting your tongue in there, then just blowing on the ear will suffice. You can also just graze the inside of his ear with your lips when you're leaning close to whisper something in his ear.
- Biting his earlobes is another way to show him you mean business! But again, be gentle.
7
Rub his feet. A foot massage, the ultimate luxury! Just gently stroke his toes, run your fingers along the pad of his foot to tickle him slightly, and give him a light foot massage by running your hands along the joints in his toes in a circular fashion to make him go wild.^{[22]
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- If he's wearing sneakers and socks, it's probably in your best interest not to take them off to massage his feet—they may be a bit dirty or sweaty at that point. But if his feet are already bare, go for it!
8
Graze his skin with your fingers. Touch his cheeks, his forearms, his inner thighs, the back of his wrists, his forehead, his bare knees, or even graze his lips with your hands. These are all classic erogenous zones that are sure to leave him titillated!^{[23]
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- Start by touching him with your hands, and then ramp things up by kissing his skin as well, or even licking him. Oh la la!
- Be very sensitive to how he responds to your touches. If he pulls away or doesn't reciprocate, or if he tells you directly he wants to stop, stop. Even if you're already intimate, don't assume he'll be receptive to every type of touch.

Warnings

Some people aren’t receptive to touch and might flinch, so be prepared for that. It usually isn't personal, but if it happens, back off for the time being.

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