How to Get to Know a Guy

Last Updated: June 25, 2021 References

You have a crush, but boys can sometimes be enigmas. They look, smell, talk, and act differently than girls. However, they're still people, and as such you can talk to them like anyone else. Here are a few tips on how to get to know a guy.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Doing Research

1
Observe him in school. Often you can tell a lot about a guy by how others act around him, who his friends are, what grades he gets, etc.
- Listen in on his conversations. If you see him talking to someone before or after class, sit nearby and listen or walk by and try to catch a few of the words.
- try to get in a group project with him and make sure you start a pleasant conversation.
- Find out his hobbies, like sports or music, and go to some of his games and performances. How he performs in competition will show how he approaches the world, whether he is aggressive and a leader, or whether he is more laid back.
- Watch how he treats others. Someone may ask a stupid question and he may laugh, showing him to be something of a cad. Or, someone might need help and he will lend a hand. People reveal their true characters in how they treat others, especially if they don't think they are being watched.
2
Ask your friends. If you trust your friends, you should be able to ask them and they will give you an honest opinion of what they think about your crush.
- Beware of incorrect information, though. Maybe your friends like this guy too, and as everyone knows, all is fair in love and war. They may give you misleading or outright false information.
- Even if they don't lie or mislead you, they might be afraid of hurting your feelings and so not give you the whole truth.
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3
Listen to your acquaintances. If there are girls who gossip about boys, and you sit near them in class, they may tell you a lot, without you even having to ask.
- Your friends might tell you what you want to hear, but people you don't know very well or who you don't know at all will probably be a lot freer with information.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Starting your First Conversation

1
Say hello. This is the easiest and most direct way to get to know a person, boy, girl, man, or woman.^{[1]
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Research source} It's also disarmingly honest and a clear indication to him that you are interested.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- Usually, boys have to muster up the courage to talk to girls. If you talk to him first, prepare for him to be a bit confused.
- If he isn't very responsive, that's not the end of the world. He might be very shy and not know how to talk to girls.
2
Make small talk. You don't have to go right up and start a conversation with him to make this work. If you happen to see him in the hall, think about something small and insignificant to say.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Ask him about his classes, his friends, what sort of fun things there are to do around, the weather, the time etc.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maria Avgitidis
  Matchmaker & Dating Expert
  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- Just try not to talk about really serious stuff, like his hopes or dreams, his fears, or anything personal. That would be off-putting, and you want to hook his attention first before you really get to know who he is and what he's about.
- Look for something to talk about that he likes. For example, if he's wearing a band tee, ask him about what kind of music they play.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
3
Make strong eye contact and smile. ^{[6]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}Maybe you don't want to approach him directly, so make eye contact with him, smile, then look away.
- Repeat if necessary, because he may not get it the first time. One look and smile may be a fluke, but two or three are totally intentional.^{[7]
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  Research source}
- If you don't smile as well as make eye contact, you may just come across as creepy, so smile!
4
Ask to borrow something. Maybe you need a pen or a pencil, and you could ask the person next to you for one. But, why would you do that when you're in class with your crush? Go up to him and ask him for what you need.
- Most people won't refuse to let you borrow something small like a pen or pencil, so he probably won't deny your request.
- This also gives you an excuse to go back and talk to him again, when you have to return whatever you borrowed. Take the opportunity to be a little flirty, and say something like "You're my hero! I never could have finished Ms. Pepper's test without your pen." Be creative, and don't waste the opportunity.
5
Seek assistance. Maybe you're at the library and "need" help finding a book. Maybe you've "lost" your backpack. Whatever it is, find your strapping young man and try to get him to help you.^{[8]
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Research source}
- Make sure the request is at least a bit legitimate. If you put your backpack under your library table and you ask for help finding it, he might just think you're ditzy.
- Enlist your friend's help. If you "lost" your phone, just give it to your friend while you spend a good ten or twenty minutes looking for it with your guy. try to make some conversation while you're searching, and when you can't find it, thank him a lot and then go. When you've "found" your phone, go up to him again and thank him for all his help. This is the perfect opportunity to start a second conversation.
6
Sit down nearby. Once you're in close proximity, introduce yourself and start making good conversation.
- If he is sitting at a small table, in an empty classroom, or is the only one in the dining hall or at the cafe, then it will be awkward if you sit next to him. try to play it cool.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting to Know Him Better

1
Keep up the conversation. "Hello" is just a start, and you won't get very far if that is all you say to him. Now you've broken the ice and are having an okay conversation, but don't know how to take it to the next level. Think of some good questions to ask, like:
- What makes you smile?
- What's your favorite film/video game/book?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go and why?
- What sports do you like?
- What was your proudest moment?
- What do you look for in a girl?
- What is the most insane thing you have ever done?
- What do you like eating?^{[9]
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  Research source}
- Remember, this isn't an audition. If you have only an okay conversation, you can always start another conversation later. The more you talk to him, the more comfortable you will be around each other.
2
Get his number. If you've had a decent conversation, ask him for his phone number. You will probably see him around a lot, but it's always good, because then you can call and text each other.
- If he picks up that you're interested in him, he may save you the time and ask for your number.
- If you are unsure on how to get his number, there are guides that show you all the necessary steps.
3
Try to be friends. This is how to really know a guy, .
- Building off your first conversation, dig deeper and try to find out what really makes him tick. Small talk is great for first meeting someone, but it's called small for a reason: there's so little of it you soon exhaust its potential. You don't have to think about what to say in advance, but think about how you are going to move from discussion about your interests and friend groups and into more substantial things.
- If you don't know exactly how to proceed, start by asking your guy friends or your brother(s), if you have any. They are guys too, so they may be able to tell you something that you could say or do. However, remember that all people are unique, and their advice may not be the best for the specific person you desire.
4
Don't make your friendship the final stage of your relationship. You became friends with him to get to know him, but you want to be more than just friends. If you get to know him pretty well and you feel like you want to proceed further, try to make that clear to him.
- Drop hints about your intentions. Flirt, pay him compliments, or ask him to go do things with you.^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} If he doesn't pick up on your subtle hints, you can be sure his friends will when he tells them about what you two are doing.^{[11]
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  Research source}
- Try gently brushing up against him or putting your hand on him briefly while you're talking to let him know you're interested.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Remember, he may like you too, but people are shy. Don't be afraid of making the first move if he is someone you want to be with.

Expert Q&A

Question

What questions should I ask to get to know a guy?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

Ask them about their plans for the weekend or how they plan on spending their summer. Let the conversation flow organically as you get to know them. Consider asking questions about their lifestyle and values as well.
Question

How can I make the first date with a guy more memorable?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

Be yourself. It may sound basic, but it's true. Show up on time and be present. Avoid taking out your phone while on the date. Genuinely try to see the best and what you like about that person instead of what you don't like about them.
Question

How do I sit next to my crush while he is with his friends without coming off awkward?

Community Answer

Confidence is key. Walk up and ask if the seat is taken. Then strike up a conversation with the guy, including his friends. The more you know about his friends, the less awkward you will feel around them.