This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
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If you feel like your partner doesn't make enough romantic gestures, it can hurt your self-esteem or the happiness you feel in the relationship. If you want your girlfriend to hug or kiss you more often, you should start by trying to make her happy and comfortable. Show your girlfriend lots of affection, make romantic gestures, and be there for her when she needs it. Talk to her about wanting more affection and be receptive to her feelings so that you can find a way to make the relationship work for both of you.
Steps
Communicating with Your Girlfriend
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1State your wishes. Be honest with her about what you want from the relationship. Tell her that you would like it if there was more kissing and hugging in your relationship. But also make it clear that you respect her and value her feelings, so you don’t pressure her into doing something that makes her uncomfortable.[1]
- Talking to each other about what you expect from your relationship is a great way to get closer to one another and to build a bond that is based on honesty and mutual respect.
- Try saying something like, “It would make me happy if we could be more affectionate toward each other. Would you be comfortable with that?”
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2Get enthusiastic consent. It's better not to make a move by touching or kissing your girlfriend unless there is mutual consent and she's made it absolutely clear that she wants the same thing as you do. When you discuss your feelings with her, you need to hear her say that she feels comfortable moving forward in that way.[2]
- Do not pressure her into giving you consent. Consent needs to be freely and genuinely given, otherwise it doesn’t count.
- If she tells you to stop doing something, you should immediately stop. It’s okay to ask her questions about how she is feeling and what might be wrong, but only after you have stopped.
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3Read her body language. Body language can be very telling about how a person feels, especially in situations where they might not feel comfortable to speak their mind. Even if you have your girlfriend’s enthusiastic consent, you should be mindful of her body language so that you are constantly making sure she enjoys your physical advances. It is advisable to stop when you notice any of these body language signs:
- Pushing you away
- Crossing her arms over her chest
- Turning her face away from yours
- Stiffening her body
- Avoiding eye contact
- Changing the subject
- Appearing silent or passive
- Crying
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4Ask your girlfriend if there is a reason she is less affectionate lately. If your girlfriend is being distant or less affectionate than she used to be, you should try discussing this with her. Sometimes it just takes a bit of honest communication to solve a problem in a relationship.[3]
- Try saying something like, “I really love spending time with you. And I enjoy hugging you and kissing you, but you don’t seem to like that as much anymore. Is there something wrong, or a problem that I can help you with?”
Showing Her Affection
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1Treat your girlfriend with love and respect. Show her that you care about her and that you think about her. Being attentive can mean many things – from offering to hold her hand, to helping her with things that she finds difficult. Show this kind of behavior regularly, but be careful not to smother her or pressure her into doing things she doesn’t want to do.[4]
- Offer your hand to her while you are walking through the mall, or while you are watching a movie together.
- Send her a cute text when you know she is feeling blue. Try something like, “Hey, cutie. Thinking of you!”
- If she’s swamped with chores at home, offer to lend her a hand.
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2Compliment her often. Remind your girlfriend of all the little things you love about her. Tell her when you think she looks nice or when you are happy to see her.[5]
- If she's wearing a pretty dress, say something like: "What a nice dress. It fits you perfectly. Summer, here you come!"
- If you notice she's gotten her hair cut recently, react to it: "Did you get a haircut? It makes me notice how pretty you are. Not that I normally forget..."
- If she accomplishes something hard, tell her you respect her: "I'm proud of you. I knew that you were smart, but you keep showing me new parts of you!"
- Simple compliments work best. Try saying, "You have beautiful eyes," or "When you smile, I light up inside." Make sure the comments are genuine!
- Avoid the cheesy stuff. "You're the sweetest thing I ever tasted, sugar muffin" is cheesy, but "I'm lucky to have you" is less so.
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3Bring her something special out of the blue. When you go to meet her, bring her something special on occasion. It doesn't have to be anything big; it could be a candy bar or a funny card. It's a nice gesture to show that you are interested in her and want to please her.[6]
- Try bringing her lunch or dinner out of the blue. If she doesn't expect it, all the better. Figure out what she likes and bring it to her so you can share a meal together.
- Write her a nice letter once in awhile. It doesn't have to be long or mushy. Tell her you think about her all the time, and why she's special to you.
- Remember the things she mentions liking, and get her one of these things at a later date. This will be a nice gesture that shows her you care and that you listen to her when she talks to you.
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4Back off if she asks you to. No matter how you feel about the situation, you always need to respect your girlfriend’s feelings, especially when it comes to physical affection and touch. You don’t need to stop showing affection altogether, but make sure you’re being affectionate at a level she feels comfortable with.
- If your girlfriend tells you that you're too clingy, or she's not really the affectionate type, learn to find a balance between what affection you want to show and what she is comfortable with.
Being Someone She Wants to Show Affection To
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1Make her laugh. Laughing together is a great way to connect with your girlfriend and help her feel more comfortable around you. Find jokes online, or develop your own list. Even better, make some inside jokes that only you two will understand.[7]
- Be silly together. Do impressions of celebrities, playact scenes you experienced together that day, or come up with your own silly words and inside jokes.
- Play harmless practical jokes. If she doesn't like jokes, then ease up on her, or play a joke on someone else together.
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2Practice good hygiene. This includes washing your clothes, brushing your teeth, flossing, and using mouthwash. Wear a pleasant scent of cologne or aftershave.[8]
- Remember that wearing too much cologne or perfume can be overpowering and might actually turn your girlfriend off.
- Keep her feelings in mind. If she tells you that she prefers one scent to another, use that one when you are getting ready.
- Wash your hair regularly and let her play with it. This can be a fun, flirty way for her to touch you, if you’re both comfortable with that.
- Make your best effort to look clean and put together. Even if you're going for a grungy look, you can still look clean and stylish.
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3Plan special dates. Special dates are great because they are exciting and unexpected. You can show your girlfriend that you really care by planning something you know she’ll enjoy.
- Plan a movie-date, a dinner-date, or an activity (such as bowling, ice-skating, cooking classes, or a sports game). If she's really interested in something, try to fit that into the date.
- Get her friends to help you. Try planning a surprise birthday party with her friends or with her family if you're close to them.
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4Make her feel special. Treat your girl like she is the most important person in the world to you. Feeling special and prioritized can often help your girlfriend feel more comfortable and relaxed in your relationships.[9]
- Remember to keep up the small acts of kindness – like opening the door for her or asking for her opinion.
- If you know she's having trouble with something – like a homework problem, a long grocery list, or a CD she can't find – help her out. Show her that you think about her even when you're apart.
- Be there for her when she's sick. Bring her warm soup, cold sodas, and some movies you can watch together.
- Never forget the flowers. It doesn’t even have to be a special occasion to get her flowers. A single rose can make her feel valued and special.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you tell your girlfriend you want to kiss her?
Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerIt is okay to just talk about it. Let her know you like her and ask her if a kiss would be ok. You can lead up to a kiss gradually by first making eye contact, or maybe by gently touching her arm. But there is nothing like just talking about it!
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QuestionHow can I kiss my girlfriend better?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerMake sure you have good oral hygiene, especially before a date. Be gentle. You can follow her lead by paying attention to how she kisses back. Does she like small short kisses, or does she like harder kissing?Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you hug your girlfriend romantically?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerBe gentle. Say endearing things to her while you hug her. Try hugging her in a non-sexual way—like you are only giving to her and not trying to get anything from her. She will notice it.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
Warnings
- Avoid public displays of affection unless she has specifically told you that she likes it. Don’t touch or kiss your girlfriend in public (or private) until she lets you know that she wants you to.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- When in doubt, always ask questions. If you are worried that your girlfriend isn’t comfortable with kissing or hugging you, the best thing you can do is to talk about it and respect her feelings.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Don't compliment her figure. Stick with compliments about her eyes, hair, smile, or clothes.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/consent-how-to
- ↑ https://www.samuelmerritt.edu/sexual_violence/consent
- ↑ http://www.dartmouth.edu/consent/communication/whendo.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201208/in-relationships-respect-may-be-even-more-crucial-love
- ↑ http://puamore.com/compliment-your-girlfriend/
- ↑ https://pairedlife.com/relationships/Romantic-Ideas-to-Suprise-Her
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200304/the-benefits-laughter
- ↑ http://www.mouthhealthy.org/en/az-topics/b/brushing-your-teeth
- ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-nikki-martinez-psyd-lcpc/10-simple-ways-to-make-yo_b_9408400.html
About This Article
The best way to get your girlfriend to hug and kiss you more often is to communicate with her about it. Try saying something like, “Physical affection is really important to me, and I’d love it if we could hug and kiss more. Is that okay with you?” Some people are more comfortable with physical touch than others, so respect her wishes and make sure that she’s into the idea. Let her know that she can trust you not to put pressure on her if she doesn’t enjoy cuddling or just isn’t in the mood. You can also encourage her to hug and kiss you more by setting an example with your own behavior. Try giving her hugs and kisses, reaching out to take her hand when you’re walking together, or putting an arm around her when you’re sitting on the couch. But remember, always back off if she asks you to stop. Aside from getting cozy physically, you can also create more affection in your relationship by being kind, affectionate, and attentive in other ways. For example, you might make a point of telling her how much you love and appreciate her, leave her little love notes, or surprise her occasionally with a gift or a special date. Take time to care for your appearance and hygiene, too. For instance, make sure to brush your teeth and use mouthwash before seeing her, and put on clean clothes that look neat and tidy. She’ll be more likely to snuggle up if you look and smell your best. To learn how to ask your girlfriend simply and directly to be more affectionate, read on!
