How to Hug

Last Updated: January 22, 2023 References Approved

Hugs are a great way to express affection. It shows that you care about a person and that you support that person through good times and bad. However, you want to hug your crush or your lover differently than you hug a friend or family member. Read on for some tips on the best ways to hug the people that you care about.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Hugging a Crush

1
Approach your crush carefully. Smile and say some caring words or compliments. Make sure that he or she is expecting a hug. It can be awkward if you come up and hug someone out of the blue, especially in the city.^{[1]
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- Hugs often happen at celebratory events like birthday parties, graduations, or when two people are reunited after a long absence (that may be the right time to give someone a nice hug).
2
Lean forward and put your two arms around your crush, pressing the person you are hugging warmly toward you. Lucky you!
- If you are taller, the shorter person's arms should be around your neck, and you should be embracing them around the waist. Keep them in that position for no more than a couple seconds, and let go as soon as they do. Look them in the eyes when you separate and continue the conversation naturally.^{[2]
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- If you are shorter, put your arms behind the taller person's neck and press your chest lightly against their chest. Let go as soon as they do.^{[3]
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- Let your hug be warm and friendly, and don't make it linger too long—think of the way you would hug your little sister.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Hugging a Friend

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Go up to your friend. Give your friend a genuine smile.
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Embrace your friend.^{[4]
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- Taller people: Close your eyes and think about how much you love your friend when hugging. Press as much as you feel without squishing your friend. Do not clap the person you're hugging on the shoulders. Some people think you don't like them if you do it that way.
- Shorter people: Embrace strongly, and clap each other on the top of your backs. If you're having an emotional moment, hold the hug for a brief moment and do not clap each other's backs.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Hugging a Lover

1
Approach your lover and put your hands on their shoulders. The experience is just as romantic no matter who initiates the hug.^{[5]
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2
Look your lover in the eyes and say, "I love you." If you want to tell them how much you care and how much you love spending every second together.
3
Fall into each other. Hug the person you love for as long as you want to.
- Taller people: Carefully sliding both your hands down from their shoulders, put them on their waist and slide them around their lower back. Put your head on their shoulder and press them towards you for as long as you like.
- Shorter people: Extend your arms toward your partner and wrap them around their neck and shoulders. Lean as close as possible and press your torso against theirs. In situations of extreme intimacy, interlocking your leg in theirs is appropriate.
- If you want to, you can give them a small massage with your hands, and try to warm them. You can also lift them in the air and shift their weight towards you. When you separate, you can look into your lover's eyes, smile genuinely and, if the situation is fitting, kiss them like you mean it.

Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Hugging a Family Member

1
Walk over to your family member. Approach your family member with kind feelings. Obviously, the feelings will not be the same as what you would feel for a crush, a lover or a close friend (unless you and your family members are also friends).^{[7]
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2
Embrace your family member. Continuing to talk while hugging is okay. Where you place your hands is not important because the person you are hugging will not think it over too much. Press gently. You do not necessarily have to have hard contact. Stroke your hands quickly across the top of the other person's back. Smile when you let go.

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Tips that Apply to Any Kind of Hug

1
Hug only when the person you want to hug extends their arms. If the person does not look like they are preparing to hug you, then you may want to back off.^{[9]
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- Take into account the culture around hugging where the person is from. People on the West coast may be more open to hugging people they don't know as well than people from the East coast.
2
Be welcoming when you hug. If either of you requested the hug, then make the person you are hugging feel safe. Act as though the two of you are the only people who matter at the moment.^{[10]
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Avoid hugging the person too tightly. The best way to judge how tightly or loosely to hug is to let whomever you're hugging indicate what they want by how hard they squeeze. If they are soft, be soft back; if they like bear hugs and squeeze tightly, hug back the same way.
4
Hold the hug for a moment before letting go. A hug is a powerful way to communicate that you care for another person as it can feel great and improve the other person's mood. Ending the hug too early may make both of you feel awkward.
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Know when to give a long, loving hug, especially if the person is feeling upset or down. If you feel comfortable, go along with it and hug until the other person lets go or loosens their hold.^{[11]
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Community Q&A

Question

Why does hugging help us forget our sadness?

Community Answer

Body to body contact releases endorphins or "happy hormones".
Question

How do I hug a guy who's really shy?

Community Answer

Wait for the right moment. The shy person will prefer if you hug him or her when you're alone, because he/she could feel embarrassed with other people around.
Question

A total stranger started giving me a tight bear hug for 30 seconds while I put out my arm and hand to shake. Why did he do this?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Perhaps a cultural difference, or a personal preference. It can be awkward sometimes, especially when you don't expect it. Practice a few movements, such as putting an arm between you, or placing a hand on his chest to stop him hugging you next time. Remember, you have the right to stop anyone and everyone to touch you in any way without your permission. You can just tell him: "Hhey, no more of those hugs like last time, I didn't like it."

Warnings

Always ask before giving a hug. Some people don't want hugs or are sensitive to touch, or feel suffocated when receiving hugs.

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Avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to give an embrace. The last thing you want to do is to knock the person over.

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If you want to look into their eyes as you hug, gently place your arms around the back of their neck. Not too tightly or else you will hurt them.

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Do not hug someone if you are sweaty or stinky. Also, make sure you have fresh breath before initiating close contact.

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Some schools and other places might ban hugging because of the concern of sexual or inappropriate activities. This is something you might want to consider before giving someone a hug.^{[13]
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