How to Turn on a Guy

The modern guide on getting (and keeping) guys turned on when you’re around

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT and Eric McClure

Last Updated: March 22, 2023 References

Want to wrap a man around your finger and have him begging for more? Mastering the art of seduction doesn’t have to be rocket science, and anybody can learn to get a guy going with a little bit of confidence. In this article, we’ll walk you through the arts of attraction so that you can draw in the guy of your dreams and get him to keep his eyes on you and only you.

Things You Should Know

Guys love it when their partner takes charge, so don’t hesitate to tell him what you want—either sexually or when you’re just hanging out.
Lean in when you kiss him, use your hands, and gently explore his mouth with your tongue to really take your kissing game to the next level.
Variety is the spice of life, so try roleplaying, sending an occasional dirty text, or experimenting in the bedroom.
Be yourself. There’s no need to pretend to be something you’re not—especially if the guy has already expressed interest in you.

1

Say something flirty.

Play with him a little by getting flirty and suggestive. Show that you know how to laugh and tease. Make him even more turned on by dropping some subtle, sexy lines out of nowhere.^{[1]
X
Research source} Here's how to do it:
- Keep it light. Remember to be fun and playful, and the guy will want you even more. Flirting isn't about being serious, but showing you're interested in them.
- Maintain eye contact while you talk. Make the guy feel important. Occasionally break eye contact to look at your feet or blush, and he’ll go crazy.
- Speak in a soft voice. You don't have to whisper, but make it seem like you’re only talking to him. Make him lean in and get closer to you.
- You might say something like, “I could just eat you up today,” or, “You’re looking hot today. You’re really making me thirsty.”

2

Lean in when you kiss.

Use your entire body when the two of you smooch. A lot of people maintain some space when they go in for a quick kiss, but closing that gap is a great way to excite him. Grab him, pull him close, and wrap around him when you two kiss. You’ll blow his mind!^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- You'll end up rubbing your hips against your guy's every time you move back in after pulling apart, and he won't be able to keep his hands off of you.

3

Master the French kiss.

Incorporate your tongue to take kissing to the next level. Though you don't have to kiss perfectly the first time, remember that kissing is the gateway to other sexy acts. If you show him you're an adventurous kisser, he'll be even more turned on thinking about what else is in store for him.^{[3]
X
Research source} Here's how to master the French kiss:
- Don't be too eager. Gently slip your tongue inside his mouth and explore.
- Be gentle. Slowly and gently move your tongue around the guy's mouth.
- Don't ignore the rest of your body. Move your hands around his back, shoulders, and neck, and press your chest up against his.
- If you get bored with the French kiss, mix it up!

4

Get creative in the bedroom.

Guys love it if you're comfortable enough to be a little bit dirty. Whether you're talking dirty or bringing up something raunchy, like sex toys, he'll be turned on before you can rip off his shirt.^{[4]
X
Research source} Here's what to do:
- Try some dirty talk in the bedroom. Tell him how much you like what he's doing to you and let him know what else you want.
- Tell him your sexual fantasy, no matter how dirty it is. See if he can fulfill it for you.
- Tie his hands to the bedposts and have your way with him (consensually). Take turns.
- Go to the sex store together and find the sexiest lingerie possible as well as a few props, so long as he’s comfortable. Bring them out whenever you feel like it.

5

Use body language to get him excited.

Make eye contact, wink, or play with your hair to ooze sex appeal. If you know how to work your body, you don't even have to say hello to make a guy feel hot and heavy. A few small things can make a big difference. Here are a few ways to flirt through your body language:^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Hold the guy's gaze -- but not for too long. Look at the guy, lock eyes for just long enough for him to see how sexy you are, and then look away. This will show that you're not afraid to look at him, but that you're also too coy to stare.
- Keep your body open. Don't fold your arms over your chest or cross your legs. Your body should be saying, "Hey there boo, what's up?"
- If you're wearing something with a zipper or a necklace, fiddle with the area near your chest to get his attention.
- Find ways to brush up against him. If you're already talking, lightly graze his knee, brush up against his hand, or place a hand on his forearm when you're laughing.
- Occasionally lick or bite your lips. If he's watching you from across the room, take the time to apply your lip balm.
- Remember that every guy is different, so try to understand his specific turn ons.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}

6

Nibble playfully on him.

Most guys go crazy for a gentle neck or ear bite. A little bit of teeth sends the message you’ve got just the right amount of animal in you. Try some gentle bites on different parts of the guy's body, and he'll get turned on like crazy.^{[7]
X
Research source} Here are some places where biting will really turn your guy on:
- Give him gentle bites on his earlobes.
- Try some gentle bites on his neck -- just be careful so you don't leave a mark.
- Nibble on his lip in the middle of a kiss.
- If his shirt is off, don't be afraid to bite his chest, or even his nipples. Nipples are an erogenous zone for men, too!

7

Touch and kiss his body.

Kissing isn’t just for lips, so get creative. You'll turn your guy on even more if you maximize your kissing abilities by smooching him all over his body. If you're just making out, throw in some neck, upper chest, and earlobe kisses.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If you've taken off his shirt, try kissing him above his waistband.

8

Be confident and bold.

Men love it when you’re expressive and sure of yourself. A guy will be totally hooked if you can show him you’re comfortable with who you are.^{[9]
X
Research source} Here's how to turn a guy on by your actions:^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Showcase confidence. Guys are turned on by confident partners. If you can act confident when you talk to the guy or share things about yourself, he'll think that you'll be able to take that confidence to the bedroom.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- Be independent. Guys are turned on by partners who don't need them all the time. Let the guy know about all of the things you love to do by yourself, and tell him about your busy weekend.
- Embrace your sexy side. If you’re comfortable with it, show a little leg or cleavage. Don't be afraid to make some raunchy jokes or to make a dirty innuendo if the mood feels right.
- Be bold. Don’t shy away from doing something unexpected, like wearing something hot and outrageous, or getting down on the dance floor in the middle of a wild jam.

9

Try new things in bed.

Variation is the spice of life, so mix things up if he’s on board. If you want to have sex in the same place and same position every time, things can eventually get a little stale. There’s nothing wrong with that, but maybe it’s time for something new?^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Here's how to be adventurous when you're having sex:
- Make love in new places. Pick a new part of your home to make love, check into a hotel, or make love in some secluded or scandalous location (just be safe!).
- Try new positions. Though your guy may love it if you're on top the whole time, he'll love it even more if you mix it up and try to have sex in a new position every time you get to the bedroom.
- Get sexy in some water. Make love in the shower, or hook up in a pool or a hot tub. Your guy will be more turned on if you can be sexy in almost any scenario.

10

Get spontaneous.

Break the sexual routine to keep him on his toes and engaged. If you're only adventurous when you’re already deep in the heart of a vivacious make-out session, it can start to take on a bit of a routine. Here are some hot ways to be more spontaneous:^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Hook up whenever you're in the mood, even if you're both just watching TV. Show him what you want and he'll follow you to the bedroom.
- If you're out in public and really want to get it on, just whisper it in his ear and go somewhere more private.
- Surprise him when he's waking up or getting into the shower. You never know when he might be open to the possibility of having sex.

11

Give roleplaying a shot.

Spark his imagination by pretending to be someone else. Any guy is guaranteed to be turned on if you mix things up with some role play or raunchy scenarios. Not only is this sexy, but it’s likely to keep him thinking about future roleplaying ideas after you two finish making love.^{[14]
X
Research source} Here are some fun scenarios to try:
- Pretend you're his boss and boss him around until he lets you do whatever you want. Switch roles.
- Try having sex with almost all of your clothes on. Or have sex with just one person's clothes on.
- Pretend you're in a big fight and have makeup sex.
- Put on some raunchy costumes from the sex store and try some role-play.
- Dress up really formally and pretend that you're going out for a special occasion. Then, take each other’s clothes off and go for it.

12

Send the occasional sexy text.

Make sure he's always thinking of hooking up with you. Even when you're not having sex, sleeping with you should never be far from the guy's mind. Whether you're in a different state or sitting across the dinner table from him, keep him turned on and wanting more.^{[15]
X
Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Here's how to do it:
- Send him an occasional dirty text, have phone sex, or just call to remind him of something sexy that happened in bed the night before.
- Let him know you want him. Tell him this whenever it feels right, even if it's at a moment when you can't possibly have him. Send him some flirty messages and be playful.^{[16]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}

13

Make him feel important.

Treat your man like he’s the bee’s knees and more. Compliment him whenever he accomplishes something, build him up whenever he’s feeling down, and go out of your way to make him feel special. This will help build your emotional connection and intensify your connection. The next time you two get down in the bedroom, the sparks are sure to fly.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- There’s a stereotype out there that guys aren’t emotional. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Men love feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, the same as anyone else.

14

Give him a sensual massage.

Get him hot and bothered with a revitalizing rubdown. Take his shirt off (if he’s comfortable with that), and slowly rub him down and massage his muscles. Work your hands down to his waistline and play like you’re going to slide into his pants before pulling back. This kind of special treatment and teasing will get him really revved up and turned on.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- Use a warming massage oil or lotion if you have one to take the massage to the next level.

15

Wear red.

Red has the subtle impact of sending a sensual message. Whether it’s a seductive little red dress or some red lingerie, the color is scientifically ingrained in people as a “let’s get it on” signal. This is a great option if you want to catch his eye and get his imagination going but you don’t want to be super forward about it.^{[19]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I make him feel important?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Ask him plenty of questions about his life, hobbies, interests, family, and job. Understand why he likes what he likes, and try your best to appreciate his unique interests.
Question

How do I turn on my boyfriend?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Try having an open, honest conversation about his needs. Believe it or not, you can turn guys just by making an effort to understand their needs and wants.
Question

Is it okay to have sex with my ex if he isn't in love with me anymore but I am still in love with him?

Community Answer

The truth is, someday it will hurt you. If he stops having sex with you when he finds someone else, you will be heartbroken. You're a booty call. It's all up to you, but try to stop what you're doing before you get your feelings hurt.