How to Love an INFJ Female

Co-authored by Kim Chronister, PsyD and Nihal Shetty

Last Updated: July 30, 2022 References

INFJs are rare and special people, but how can you let one know that they’re particularly special to you? If you’re in a relationship with an INFJ woman, you might be wondering how you can best express your love—after all, INFJs are known to be a little mysterious. We’ve got you covered with this complete guide on how to love an INFJ female.

1

Understand the INFJ personality.

Knowing what INFJs are like can help your relationship. INFJs are conscientious, considerate, and humanitarian people. They love helping others and spend much of their time thinking about how to do so in better ways. Breaking down this type, we see that INFJs are:^{[1]
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- Introverted (I): An INFJ needs time to herself in order to recharge her energy.
- Intuitive (N): An INFJ is more interested in abstract ideas than everyday experiences.
- Feeling-oriented (F): An INFJ uses her emotions to guide her rather than logic.
- Judgment-oriented (J): An INFJ is organized and prefers plans to playing things by ear.

2

Listen when she talks about her passions.

INFJs have a deep need to feel understood. As the rarest Myers-Briggs type, it can be tough for an INFJ woman to meet someone who she feels can get her. Practice active listening skills when an INFJ is talking to you about her life, her opinions, or her feelings.^{[2]
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- Matching an INFJ’s excellent listening skills with your own can make her feel comfortable and secure.
- For example, if an INFJ is spending her time doing community service, ask her to tell you about her day and show genuine interest in her excitement over helping others.
- Providing her with affirmation that you understand her passions can make her feel loved. For instance, say something like, “I really admire the amount of work you put into caring for others.”

3

Demonstrate affection in simple ways.

INFJs value authentic and intimate signs that you care. This type prides herself on looking beyond what she considers “superficial” things, so there’s no need to try and impress an INFJ with expensive gifts. Instead, do something like:^{[3]
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- Making her a playlist of some songs that remind you of her
- Offering her help on her projects or work
- Sending her a “thinking of you” message
- Giving her a hug if she’s comfortable with one

4

Remind her to care for herself.

INFJs sometimes need someone to help them practice self-care. INFJs are known for their selfless natures, but this can take a toll: since an INFJ is likely to put other people’s needs ahead of her own, she might end up burning out. Remind her to take care of herself and help her out by:^{[4]
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- Cooking her dinner when she’s tired after a long day
- Helping clean up her home
- Offering her transportation when she needs it
- Taking care of errands for her

5

Offer her intellectual stimulation.

INFJs want to be with an intellectual match. These types are imaginative and visionary—she’s excited by new things, especially ideas. An INFJ will want to have conversations with you about art, politics, and philosophy. Engage an INFJ woman’s brainy side by doing something like:^{[5]
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- Checking out a library book you think she’d like
- Sending her an article about a cause she’s interested in
- Talking with her about a documentary you watched
- Visiting a museum together and discussing the exhibits

6

Initiate plans and communication.

INFJs can be shy, so take more initiative in the relationship. Taking the first step of starting conversations with her and setting up date night plans is something that she’ll really appreciate.^{[6]
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- If an INFJ isn’t texting or calling you as much as you’d like, try not to take it personally—she might be a bit caught in her own head, but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t value you.
- INFJs are quite romantic, so even a “good morning” or “good night” message is something that she’ll like to see pop up on her phone.
- INFJs are often quite busy, so send her a list of times that you’d want to do something with her rather than popping up at the last minute—she’ll appreciate your organization skills.

7

Spend time alone with her.

An INFJ prefers privacy over big social events. Although an INFJ can come across as sociable and charming at group events, she’s much more likely to enjoy a cozy night in holding hands while watching a movie. ^{[7]
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- As an introvert (I) type, an INFJ can feel really drained after parties or nights out at lively bars, so it’s best to make sure you’re spending plenty of time in private together.
- An INFJ might feel the need to withdraw from you and have some time completely to herself. Try not to worry about this—she might care for you really deeply, but she also needs time to recharge.
- INFJs might push themselves to make you happy, so give her the opportunity to take some space. For example, say: “I’d love to keep hanging out, but if you want some quiet time, I understand.”

8

Focus on building your chemistry.

INFJs rely on their feelings to guide them. Romantic chemistry is really important to an INFJ—she’ll want to feel a “click” with you that goes beyond being compatible on paper. As an intuitive (N) type, an INFJ can have deep and profound ideas about the meaning of love, so try to be romantic.^{[8]
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- INFJs are excellent writers and readers who respond well to things like love letters. Try writing her a romantic note or text message.
- For an easy and powerful intimacy-building exercise, set aside a couple of minutes to simply look into each other’s eyes.
- Try revisiting places that have meaning for the two of you—where you first met, had your first date, or anywhere else that feels special. She’ll likely enjoy these nostalgic feelings.

9

Go on adventures together.

INFJs are curious lovers of new experiences. Moreover, as a judging (J) type, an INFJ woman is an excellent planner—invite her to help you make plans, and she’ll likely really enjoy the opportunity. These are creative people, so try doing an activity that speaks to her imagination, like:^{[9]
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- Taking an art class together
- Visiting an under-the-radar scenic location
- Planning a long-distance drive
- Stargazing on a clear night

10

Support her when she’s feeling sensitive.

The INFJ in your life will need your help when she’s feeling hurt. INFJs are deeply empathetic people, and they can feel emotionally affected by the circumstances of other people’s lives, not just their own. Support her by:^{[10]
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- Being a shoulder for her to cry on (if she needs to)
- Talking her through her feelings
- Giving her space when she needs it, without judgment
- Not shaming her for being sensitive, since it’s what makes her special

11

Be honest, even when it’s hard.

Trust and authenticity are extremely important to INFJs. INFJs are generally quite slow to trust others, and once you’ve made it into their small circle of confidants, it’s important to treat their trust in you as something valuable.^{[11]
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- Even if it’s hard, avoid lying to an INFJ—if she finds out, she’ll question your authenticity, and it will be extremely difficult to repair the relationship.
- INFJs are likely to avoid conflict even when they’re upset. But if there’s something that seems to be bothering you or her, it’s important to have a candid conversation.
- Try opening an honest conversation about difficulties in your relationship by saying something like, “I love and care about you, and it seems like there’s something on your mind. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

12

Plan for the long-term.

An INFJ wants a partner for the long haul. This is not a type who enjoys fleeting romances and the dating process—an INFJ is seeking long-term commitment. If you think you’re a good long-term match with an INFJ, talk to her about your shared plans for the future.^{[12]
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- For an INFJ, honestly talking about future plans is exciting and a sign that you’re the right person for her.
- An INFJ is an intuitive (N) type, which means that she is often thinking about future possibilities. If a long-term relationship isn’t realistic for either of you, it’s time to have an honest conversation.