Is your boyfriend self-centered? Does he need constant attention? Do you feel like he lacks empathy for you and those around him? These are all classic signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Whether your boyfriend has been diagnosed with NPD or he just has a lot of narcissistic traits, figuring out how to handle his personality can make your relationship a lot less rocky. In this article, we’ll tell you everything you need to know about dating a narcissistic boyfriend so you can deal with his behavior without it taking a huge toll.

1

Accept your boyfriend for who he is right now.

  1. Narcissists aren’t likely to change, so try not to get your hopes up. While people with narcissistic personality disorder do have the potential to change their ways a little bit, they usually need professional help to do it. Try to take your boyfriend at face-value, and let go of the hope that he’s going to make any drastic changes in your relationship.[1]
    • This might sound discouraging, but the sooner you accept him for who he is, the better. You may even feel more at peace once you stop holding onto the hope that he’ll change.
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2

Put your own needs first.

  1. Don’t let his need for attention trump your own needs. When you’re dating a narcissist, you might notice that slowly but surely, all of his needs get put first. This is likely because, like most narcissists, he lacks empathy—which means he’s not thinking about your needs at all. Remember to prioritize yourself, too, and don’t let him steamroll you.[2]
    • You can do this with big things, like where you want to live, or even small things, like where you want to go to dinner. The more you put your own needs first, the better you’ll feel.
3

Try not to take things personally.

6

Trust your own sense of reality.

  1. Stand firm in your sense of self so it doesn’t get warped. Narcissists tend to believe that their version of reality is the only reality. When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it can sometimes feel like you’re going crazy—they might blame you for things you didn’t do, or tell you about conversations that didn’t happen. This is called “gaslighting,” and it’s a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists.[6]
    • If you ever feel like you’re remembering something wrong, try writing it down. That way, you have concrete evidence of what happened that you can look back on.
    • Or, repeat a mantra to yourself, like, “My version of reality is right. No one else can tell me what happened to me.”
7

Praise his good behavior.

8

Lean on your support system.

  1. Your loved ones can give you strength in a tough relationship. It can be hard when your partner doesn’t meet all of your emotional needs. Try to talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through, and take comfort in the fact that they’ll always be there for you.[8]
    • You don’t have to use your friends and family to vent about your boyfriend if you don’t want to. Even hanging out with them as a distracting activity can be a nice way to take your mind off things.
10

Encourage your boyfriend to seek help.

  1. A professional may be able to help treat your boyfriend’s symptoms. While it’s unlikely that a narcissist can change all of their ways, talking to a mental health professional can help your boyfriend find coping mechanisms and better ways to handle his emotions. Tell your boyfriend that you think he should seek help, and that you’ll assist him however you can.[10]
    • “Hey honey? I know we’ve talked about a therapist before, but I really think talking to someone might be helpful for you. I care about you a lot, and I just want you to be happy.”
    • “I think talking to a professional could be good for you. They might be able to help you work through your emotions and understand where you’re coming from.”
12

End the relationship if you need to.

  1. If your relationship is abusive or toxic, it’s time for you to leave. Remember, you deserve to be in a happy, loving relationship. If you’ve tried a few methods but you’re still having trouble dating your boyfriend, sit him down and end the relationship.[11]
    • Leaving a narcissist isn’t always easy. Make sure you have a plan in place to keep yourself safe.
    • If you’re in an abusive relationship and you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

About This Article

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. This article has been viewed 10,912 times.
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Co-authors: 3
Updated: May 26, 2022
Views: 10,912
Categories: Dating
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