How to Win a Man's Heart when There Is Competition

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: December 8, 2021 References

You’ve finally found a guy you’re interested in, but it turns out you’re not the only one! Winning a man’s heart can feel intimidating, especially if you’ve got competition. If you find yourself competing for his affections, make sure to focus on your own worth. If you show off your great qualities, he’s likely to notice. Just remember how awesome you are and be confident. Keep reading for ways to make yourself shine!

1

Be flirtatious.

Men like attention, so give him some by flirting. Go ahead, toss your hair and giggle when he says something funny. These methods have been around for a while because they work! Just make sure you’re being genuine and don’t go overboard.^{[1]
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- Break the touch barrier by touching his hand while you talk or lay a hand on his leg while you laugh.
- Lean in close and speak softly so that he has to lean in, too, in order to hear you. Say something like, "I love you in that color. You look so good tonight."
- Laughing at his jokes is great, just make sure to only do it when you’re truly amused. If you use a fake laugh, he’ll probably catch on pretty quickly and might be turned off.
- Even if you’ve already been on a date, keep flirting.^{[2]
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  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} It shows him you’re fun and interested.

2

Bond over your shared interests.

Finding common ground is a great way to let him know you’re the one. When you find out that you share an interest, really lean into it. If he mentions that he’s going on a hike, make sure to let him know that it is one of your favorite past times. Just be sure to be genuine. You're amazing the way you are, so you don’t need to fake common interests. If you fake it, you might end up spending all of your time doing things you don’t enjoy.^{[3]
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- For example, if he mentions he wants to learn how to cook, don’t pretend to be an expert if you’re not. Instead say, “I’ve always wanted to learn, but I never have. Hey, let’s take a cooking class together!”
- Look for ways to relate to him. If he mentions that he likes to travel, tell him a fun anecdote about that time you went to France.
- It's even better if you have a somewhat unique interest in common. If you find out you both are interested in rescuing pugs, for example, make sure to connect over that!

3

Be upbeat when you’re around him.

A positive attitude is a great way to win him over. When you’re just getting to know someone, don’t dwell on negative stuff. Instead, talk about things in your life that you love. Share your passion for art, talk about your fabulous circle of friends, and tell him about your amazing dog. Basically, talk yourself up and be proud of who you are! Showing that you are upbeat and have a lot of interests lets him know you’re one to watch.^{[4]
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- This doesn’t mean that you have to be fake. If you’re having a rough day, it’s okay to let him know. Just maybe skip the dirty details of that argument with your sister for now.

4

Use positive and open body language.

How you hold yourself is important, so pay attention to your body. You already know that smiling is important, so keep that up. Make sure to stand up straight to show off your confidence, and avoid slouching when you hang out. Another key is to not cross your arms tightly. That indicates you’re closed off.^{[5]
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5

Smile and make eye contact to hold his attention.

Whenever you see him, catch his eye and grin. It doesn’t matter whether you’re newly acquainted or you’ve known him for ages. Maintaining eye contact is a proven method to let him know you’re interested.^{[6]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Add a genuine smile, and wait for him to reciprocate.^{[7]
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- If he doesn’t know that you’re interested, you’ll automatically fall behind in the competition. Let him know you’re in it to win it by being open about the fact that you’re into him.

6

Wear classic outfits that make you feel good.

Dress for him, not for your girlfriends. A lot of men aren’t super into fashion trends, so don’t use your meet-ups as a chance to rock that cutting-edge look you’re trying out. Instead, wear something classic such as jeans that fit well and a cute top. The key is to make sure that you feel comfortable so that your confidence radiates. You've got this!^{[8]
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- You can still let your personality shine while you’re keeping it elegant. Add a pop of color with fun lipstick or cute shoes.

7

Make the first move.

If you’re really interested, don’t wait for him to ask you out. It can feel a little scary to ask a guy out, but it’s a great way to set yourself apart from the competition. When you make the first move, it shows that you’re confident and into him. Make sure that you have a plan when you ask him out.^{[9]
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- Instead of saying, “Do you want to hang out sometime?” try something like, “Are you free this Saturday? I’d love to go on a date with you to that new Thai restaurant.”
- Being specific not only shows you’ve given this some thought, but you’ll also end up with a concrete plan.

8

Show you are interested in him and his life.

Ask questions to show you want to know him. This is a great way to set yourself apart from the competition. Demonstrating your interest lets him know that you’re looking to actually form a bond, not just casually flirt with him.^{[10]
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Research source} Ask him about his interests, his friends, and his family.^{[11]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- Try starting off with something like, “What are some of your favorite things to do on the weekend?” and then respond by asking another question.
- For example, if he says that he does volunteer work, say, “Wow, that’s great. What made you become interested in doing that?”

9

Make your time together feel like a vacay.

No, you don't have to travel anywhere. The point is to make this guy feel like he can fully relax around you and leave his worries behind. When you spend time together, focus on having fun and enjoying his company. Come up with unique things to do together to make him realize how great it is to be with you.^{[12]
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- Try to make your time together feel really special and fun. Get creative with it and think of things he might like to do.^{[13]
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  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- For example, you could invite him "camping." Even if you don't want to pitch a tent in the wilderness, you can create a mini-vacation by talking him to a local park at sunset. Spread out a picnic blanket, toast each other as the sun goes down, and then spend the rest of the evening stargazing.

10

Make emotional connections with him.

Be open and honest during your conversations. Just because you are focused on being fun and upbeat doesn't mean you can't get deep.^{[14]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Sharing your emotions will help him see that you are serious about him and hopefully help him realize you're the one for him. Share things that are personal to you. If he decides to share with you, be kind and open-minded about what he has to say.^{[15]
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- For example, you could tell him that you are really into him. Let him know that you feel giddy and excited around him and that you're hoping to move the relationship forward.

11

Show your maturity by only saying kind things.

Being catty about your competition isn’t a good look. While it might be tempting to point out your competition’s flaws to make yourself look good, resist the temptation. If you say negative things, it reflects negatively on you. Make sure to be kind and uncritical when you’re with the object of your affection.^{[16]
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- Showing that you’re mature lets him know that you’re ready to date him.
- A bonus to this strategy is that you can feel good about yourself for being a kind person.

12

Demonstrate that you’re dependable.

Don’t be flaky when you have plans. Guys typically look for a partner they can count on. In fact, many say it’s a priority in a relationship. Show that you’re dependable by showing up on time and not breaking plans last minute.^{[17]
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- You can also show him he can trust you by not repeating things that he tells you in confidence or gossiping about him behind his back.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I win a man's heart?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Be loyal to him and let him know that he is the only person in your life. And be sensitive to his sensitivities.
Question

What should I do if I am attracted to someone?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

If you are attracted to someone, you can give them extra attention and offer compliments. You can hang out with them and try to find out about their personal life.
Question

How can I convey interest through my eyes?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

You can communicate your feelings through your eyes. Intentionally lock your eyes with that person and then look away after a few seconds, wink, or make expressions with your eyebrows to show your interest.