How to Tell a Guy You Like Him

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: February 8, 2023 Approved

So, you like a guy, do you? Congratulations. By admitting it, you've completed the first step, however, it's much harder to actually tell him. This article will help you through the process of flirting, getting to know him, and telling him how you feel! Be brave!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

How to Tell Him

1
Find out whether he likes you or not. If he does, go forth with confidence because you have everything to lose unless you try! If he doesn't, don't despair, you have a chance to change his mind, or not. Obviously, if he's seeing someone else, you want to move on, at least for the time being. But if he doesn't yet have feelings for you, there's still plenty of room to be friendly and flirt. ^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Here are some ways to learn about a guy before you approach him:
- Ask around about him. If you're shy, ask a good friend to help find out if he likes you, or is dropping hints. If you know for a fact that he likes you, you can afford to be a little bolder.
- Look for hints he may drop. If a guy likes you, he tends to go out of his way to be with you. (This is not always true, but often a good indicator.) He'll make excuses to sit next to you, be at social events you're at, and may even start to hang out with your friends. Keep an eye out!
- If you catch him staring at you, look him in the eyes and try to hold contact for a few seconds. If he keeps contact, you know he likes you back. If he turns away, it could mean he likes you and is shy. Beware, however, as there is more than one reason for people to stare at each other. You may have spinach in your teeth!
2
Try to start simple conversations with him. In order to tell a guy you like him, you'll need to first have a talking relationship. This just means being on friendly terms, knowing a little about each other, and beginning to develop a more intimate familiarity. This is also a good chance to learn more about a guy - this new information may influence whether you want to tell him you like him or not. Here's some ways to start friendly conversations:
- You may want to start a conversation about something that will flatter him. A great conversation starter is something that makes him feel good about himself. Try:
  - "That was a great football game you played in last Friday. I was in the stands watching with my friend. How long have you been playing?"
  - "You're always at the top of the class in English exams. Can you read every teacher's mind, or just [English teacher's name]?"
  - "That hairstyle really suits you. Did you get a haircut recently?"
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3
Talk about things you have in common. A great conversation starter is talking about things you can potentially do together (this doesn't necessarily have to be something you share the same interests in - the boy might eventually enjoy it if he is doing it with you). That way you both feel more comfortable. ^{[2]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Here are just a few conversation-starting examples:
  - "Hey, do you know what the math homework is? I left my planner in class and I don't have it memorized."
  - "Does your older brother go to Gunn? My sister thinks they share a class together."
  - "I noticed you have a Schwinn bike. How do you like it? I was thinking about asking my parents for one this Christmas."
- It may seem obvious, but it bears mentioning: Don't tell him you like him if you're not at least on good speaking terms. If you surprise someone you don't know well by openly revealing your attraction, you could scare him off. At the very least, it will affect the course of any future friendship or courtship.
4
Try flirting with him! ^{[3]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Stereotypically, guys are bad at realizing that someone is flirting with them. This may have some basis in fact - the internet is full of guides for men that attempt to answer the question, "Are they flirting with me?" That doesn't mean that you should flirt more; it just means that you should be aware that he might not flirt back with you, even if he likes you.
- When he's talking to you, twirl your hair as you listen if it’s long. This action is natural enough for most people not to make anything of it, but if he says something about it, then he's definitely paying attention. This is an easy flirting method to use.
- Ask him to do you a favor. This one is sweet, but it can backfire for a number of reasons: he might not want to do you a favor in front of his friends, or yours because he's embarrassed. Stick to simple favors:
  - Ask him to hold your backpack in between classes. You can tell him it's really heavy and you want someone strong to help you out.
  - Ask him to do homework with you, even if you don't need much help. This is the perfect excuse to get close to him, and also a good indicator of how patient he is.
  - Above all, try not to be needy - don't try to make him help you move or anything!
- Smile, show him your eyes and be available. Show him all the things that make you really attractive. Smile your wonderful smile, show him your mesmerizing eyes, and be around when he's around. He'll start to notice you very soon!
5
Break the touch barrier. Begin to show him that you're interested in touching him in safe but suggestive places. Try these on for size:
- Hang or rest on his shoulder. Pretend to be bored and rest your head on his shoulder. Or simply rest your hands on his shoulder. Give him a good look in his eyes if he looks back at you.
- If he teases you, gently "hit" them on the shoulder. Mostly, one might do this when guys are playfully teasing them. You can pretend to be upset or take it with a laugh.
- Find excuses to touch him. If he's got really big hands, just take his hands and say something like "Wow, you're hands are huge; look at how big they are compared to mine!" Fit your hand into his.
6
Know that there are several options as to how to tell him if you know you're ready. If you're feeling brave, simply tell him. ^{[4]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} You want to catch him away from his friends, and with ample time. Look confident (better yet, be confident.) Start up a regular conversation, and wait until a pause to tell him.
7
Simply ask him out on a date if you're worried about what he'll say. This is a good method to try because you're not openly expressing your attraction - just the possibility of future attraction. All you're really asking is whether he wants to go somewhere with you. If he's been responding well to your flirting and conversation, there's no reason why he shouldn't want to! Try something like:
- "Hey, I was going to see that movie on Saturday until my friend bailed on me. Do you wanna go with me?"
- "I've been dying to go to that haunted house on Main street and I haven't found anyone brave enough. Are you game?"
- "My parents and I go to the state fair every year — don't ask, it's a long story — and they were wondering if I wanted to bring along someone from school. Do you want to go?"
8
Use notes to tell him if you'd rather be less direct. Either place the notes yourself or have one of your trusted friends help you out.
- Write a cute note saying, "I like you" and stick it in his locker.
- Write "I like you" on a piece of paper, making sure to write who it's for but not who it's from. Ask a few of your friends to pass the note around and "randomly" get it to him. If he reads the note and looks around expectantly, you can either hint that you wrote it or leave him guessing.
9
Have confidence in yourself whatever his answer. If he says yes, be confident that he likes you for who you are and that you're genuinely likable. Don't question his reaction - you might shoot yourself in the foot by saying "really?" if he says he likes you too. You have every reason to be confident.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- If he doesn't like you back, just casually dismiss him by saying something like, "Oh, OK. Don't worry about it." Then, move on! Remember that a "no" response doesn't mean he thinks you're horrible. His motivations may be complicated. Have confidence that his tastes don't define you, and that there are plenty of other guys out there who would be lucky to have you. Remember that!
10
Send him a text saying "OMG, (insert his name here) is soooooo cute!!!!!" if you're feeling especially brave, then send one saying "Soooo sorry that was meant for (insert your friend's name here.)" If he likes you, he'll now have almost no reason not to ask you out.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

How to Mentally Prepare

1
Decide how you feel about your crush. Romantic feelings can be confusing! Give yourself at least a few days to consider your feelings and follow some of the advice in this article. If you act too soon, you may find your feelings about your crush change over time.
- Ask yourself questions like these: "Do I have a true romantic crush on this boy or just an infatuation?" "What things do I like about this guy?" "What outcome do I want?" If you can't answer these questions, try to get to know him better before proceeding.
- Only you will know whether you truly like someone. However, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can try taking an online quiz and interpreting the results as you, please.
2
Don't "build up" the experience in your head. No matter how cute your crush is, he's still a human being! He's probably as nervous as you are about discussing who he likes. Similarly, even if it's not apparent yet, he probably has plenty of flaws. Don't get too emotionally invested in a relationship that hasn't even started!
- If you're having a hard time thinking of your crush as anything other than a perfect Adonis, try to mentally note things about him, however small, that make him look silly or stupid! Does he have a tiny bald spot? Does he pronounce "epitome" as "ep-it-tome?" Recognizing that everyone has flaws will make even the cutest guys much more approachable.
3
Pay attention to his behavior. Does he seem to pay special attention to you? Does he smile a lot around you? Or, on the other hand, does he tease you and try to playfully ignore you? These are all signs that a guy might like you. If you can identify possible attraction cues, you'll have a much easier time telling him you like him because you'll already have an idea of how he feels!
- A guy's body language can reveal his inner emotions. Does he position his chest and shoulders toward you, even if his attention is momentarily occupied by something else? Does he seem to make eye contact with you a lot?^{[6]
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  Research source} He may be pondering how to tell a girl he likes her!
4
Realize that a negative response is not a big deal. Despite your best preparations, he might not return your interest. Acknowledge this as a possibility and try not to worry about it - if he says no, it's not because he hates you. He just doesn't currently want to date you. This can be for any number of reasons. Don't let him see that his negative response bothers you (even if it does).
- He may be reeling from a messy breakup.
- He may be too emotionally immature to pursue a relationship.
- He may simply enjoy being single.
5
Let go of the notion that the man needs to make the first move. In the past, it was scandalous for women to ask men out. Today, much of the stigma has disappeared. However, some people still are hesitant to ask men out. A 2011 study of mostly college-age people found that 93% of women preferred being asked out by men.^{[7]
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Research source
Mills, M., Janiszewska, A, & Zabala, L., (2011). <i> Gender differences in making risky first time relationship initiatives. </i>} Be proactive! You will get more dates if you are confident enough to approach men yourself.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

How to React If He Says Yes

1
Plan a date! Keep your momentum up - don't let a budding attraction wither because you're both too afraid to plan a date. You don't have to go on a date the very day you find out you like each other, but try to plan one within a week or two. By dating, you'll get to know each other even better and you'll learn whether you're a good romantic match.
- A good time to schedule a date is the weekend following whenever you admit that you like each other.
- For your first date - try to plan so that at least part of the date allows you to talk to each other. For instance, if you want to see a movie, plan to have dinner as well. A good first date is casual, low-pressure, and uniquely "you."
- A date doesn't have to be extravagant. A great first date can be as simple as doing homework and having a picnic at the park. Here are a few more low-cost ideas if you're having a hard time thinking of dates:
  - A local carnival, seasonal fair, or amusement park.
  - Rollerskating or ice skating. If one of you isn't a great skater, even better - you'll have to hold each other to keep from falling!
  - Hiking. If you can make it to the top of a local hill or bluff, you'll be treated to a gorgeous (and romantic) view.
2
Don't psych yourself out! The period between expressing your attraction and going on your date can be nerve-wracking, but try not to worry. A first date is a chance to get to know someone
- If you're really nervous, talk to your friends. They may tell you hilarious first-date nightmare stories. At the very least, they'll be able to remind you that first dates aren't supposed to be tremendously stressful.
3
Keep in touch, but not too much. Feel free to send your crush a few flirty texts before your first date, but don't overdo it. It can be tempting to shower him with compliments, especially if you're really into each other. Resist the urge - too much too soon can be awfully intimidating, especially if the guy is less romantically experienced than you. Some sources even recommend creating a sense of mystery before the first date by maintaining total "radio silence."^{[8]
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Research source}
4
Be yourself on your date! Once you know someone likes you back, it's pretty hard not to change your behavior a little bit. Still, remember that he likes you for who you are - there's no need to adopt an unnatural sex-queen persona for your first date! Act like you usually do around him - make the same inside jokes, tease him the same way. If you're a good fit, that's usually all you'll need to do. ^{[9]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you tell someone you like them without scaring them off?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

First of all, it's okay to tell somebody how you feel. In society, we're always scared to tell people how we’re feeling because we're scared to get hurt, but the only way to truly fall in love is to be vulnerable. Relationships should be built on honesty, trust, and being able to tell the person how you feel. You don't have to talk about getting married tomorrow, but you should be happy to tell them that you like them and that you're there for them.
Question

I like this guy and he likes me but we rarely talk because we go to different schools now. How am I going to tell him? Text? FB messaging? Seeing him around? Notes? Through a friend? I don't know what to do I'm scared he will hate me after that!

Community Answer

Text him and see if he would like to hang out some time. If he likes you, he will say yes. Keep the invitation simple so that he won't feel pressured or overwhelmed.

Warnings

Don't text your crush all the time. It makes you look silly and obsessive unless he always texts back right away; then, you can keep texting (within reason).

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If you tell him you like him, don't be surprised if he's a little shocked. He may have had no idea you liked him.

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Be selective with who you tell that you like him, especially if you're in the same school - word can travel fast. The best way to keep this a secret is to keep it to yourself. If you simply must tell someone, tell a friend who kept your last secret, or better yet, someone far enough away that they can't tell him (such as a pen pal, or a friend who goes to a different school).

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Don't bring up his past (in dating or in general) if you know anything about it. No one can control their past. At best, he'll brush it off and ask why you brought it up; at worst, you'll seem like you've been seeking out his information.

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