How to Flirt with a Guy over Text

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: February 15, 2023 References Approved

Text messaging is a great way to flirt with your guy. Flirt texting can be done with someone you are just getting to know, a guy you are developing a relationship with, or a long-term partner to add some fun to your relationship. You can also use texting to stay in touch, build interest, and connect with a guy prior to making the next move.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Opening the Conversation and Flirting

1
Open up the conversation. If you're trying to flirt with a guy who you're not romantic with yet, try to give him an opening to something romantic. That way, he'll get the idea, and if he's interested, try to steer the conversation that way.^{[1]
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- For instance, opening with "I had a dream about you last night!" is a subtle way to be flirtatious. It implies you maybe had a flirty or sexual dream about him, and if he takes it that way, you can get a more flirty conversation going.
- If he ignores the subtext, you'll know he's probably not that interested.
2
Send a flirty compliment.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves, and compliments are a great way to flirt. If you're trying to start a flirty conversation, try including a flirty comment to help get the ball rolling.
- For instance, if you're going out with someone on the basketball team, you could write, "The gym sure heated up when you came on the court today!"
- Be genuine and specific. You don't have to stick to looks, but make it something specific. For instance, instead of saying, "You're cute," you could say, "You have a beautiful smile."
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3
Try sending texts at night. Now, you probably don't want to start sending texts at 2 in the morning unless you know he's already up. Texting at night, though, can be more intimate and invite flirting.^{[3]
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- Something about the nighttime will invite you both to let loose a little. Try waiting until gets dark before you send a text.
- You could write, "I'm all snuggled up in my bed. What are you doing?"
4
Be yourself. In a text, you may be tempted to present yourself as sillier, poutier, or more sexualized than you are in person. You really don't need to do that, especially since, if that's all he knows about you, he's going to expect a different person if you do meet.^{[4]
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- For example, you don't need to use a million exclamation marks to show how excited you are if you really aren't that excitable in real life.
5
Play up your fun side. While you don't want to make yourself out to be something you're not, it is okay to play up your fun side in texts. Texting lends itself to shorter, lighter conversations, so bringing that side out will make him want to get to know you more.
- For instance, say you're spending the night home in your pajamas. Instead of texting about that, tell him about the fun night you had out last night, such as "Went out and had fun with the girls last night, but I kept wishing you were there."
6
Don't be afraid to tease.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Teasing can help create intimacy, as long as the guy has a sense of humor. One thing you can tease him about is a mistake he let through on one of his texts, such as a goofy autocorrect.
- For instance, if he sends a text that says, "I think your nets are sexy" when he probably meant "eyes," you can tease him about it. You could say, "Oh, so you think my nets are sexy huh? What part of body is my nets?"
7
Give him a cute nickname. Giving him a nickname may seem silly, but it does let him know that you like him. You stick to something more manly or go over the top with something cutesy and silly. Either way, try dropping it in a text to help him know how you feel.
- For instance, you could use "hunk" or "Thor" as more manly reference.
- For something more cutesy, you could use "sugar pie" or "babe."
8
Break up the boredom. Sending the same text every day at about the same time can get boring. Try breaking up your routine by sending texts at different times of day or by changing up the message so he'll stay interested.
- For instance, a friendly, "Good morning, babe!" is a nice way to say hello in the morning, but you wouldn't want to send that text every morning.
- Change it up little with texts like, "Wake up, sunshine!" or "Can't wait to see you at school!"
9
Let him know you're thinking about him. If you see something that reminds you of him, snap a picture. Send it his way with a side note, telling him that the pic made you think about him, which will make him smile.^{[6]
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- Stick to pics of things he's interested in or inside jokes you have.
- Skip anything to serious, such as wedding rings or cakes.
10
Keep the conversation going. If you're texting back and forth, you need to hold up your end of the conversation. Just giving him one-word replies doesn't help out the conversation. Instead, contribute to what's being said, ask a question, or introduce a new topic if you have nothing to say.^{[7]
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- For instance, if he says, "So, do you like movies?" don't just say, "yes." Instead, give him room to keep going, by saying something like, "Yes, especially when I'm seeing them with cuties like you! When are we going?"
- Alternatively, ask him a question about himself, such as "So what's your favorite type of food?"
11
Wait to get sexy. You may be tempted to start out with sexualized texts, but it's a good idea to wait a little while. In fact, it's probably a good idea to be in a relationship before you start sending sexy texts.^{[8]
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- Flirting is obviously fine, such as telling him you like his eyes.
- What you may want to avoid is overtly sexual texts where you start talking about genitalia and trying to engage him in sexual chat. Of course, how you text is up to you, but you may catch him off guard by sending these kinds of texts up front.
12
Skip the graphic pics altogether. Even when you're in a relationship, consider skipping the sexy pics. Once those pictures are out in the world, you can't take them back, and you have no guarantee that the other person won't release them.^{[9]
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- While sending flirtatious pictures is fine, such as blowing him a kiss, avoid anything that you wouldn't want your grandma to see if it got out on the internet--because it can get out and she could see it.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Texting Before and After Dates

1
Feel him out. If you're aiming for a date, you can start by putting out feelers. If you don't feel like you can ask him outright for a date, you can go about it in a roundabout way. For instance, you can say what you're up to this weekend and see if he takes the bait.^{[10]
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- You could text, "What are your plans for the weekend? I'm going to the movies. U?"
- If you tell him what you're doing, you're opening the door for him to invite himself along.
2
Ask him out. If you want to go a more direct route, you can go ahead and ask him out over text. Just keep it casual. That way, you give him a chance to back out if he isn't actually interested in you like you hoped.^{[11]
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- Try something like "It's been a long week. I could use some fun this weekend. How about it?"
- You could also be more straightforward: "I'd love to go out sometime. Do you want to have coffee this weekend?"
3
Get the date started early. Texting can help build anticipation for a date, so try texting him the day before or the day of the date. Just let him know you're excited about it, or that you're looking forward to seeing him.^{[12]
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- For instance, you could write a simple, "I can't wait to see you tonight!"
- You could also make it a bit flirtatious by adding in a compliment: "I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight, especially in those tight jeans you always wear."
4
Text after a date. If your date was amazing, a text is a good way to tell him that. Of course, a call says even more, but if you don't have the time to call him the next day, sending a text can help reassure him that you had a good time, too.^{[13]
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- A simple "Last night was amazing!" is all you need.
- However, getting more specific doesn't hurt, either. "I loved that you took me to a sushi place last night. It was delicious! And I loved sharing the night with you."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Knowing Your Dos and Don'ts

1
Keep it short and sweet. While you don't have the texting limitations of the days of old, you do still want to keep your interactions short. Long texts can be a turn off, as your guy has to wade through all that text just to figure out what you're saying.
- In other words, don't write him a novel.
- Shortcuts are fine, as long as the person you're texting is a fan of them, such as LOL (Laugh Out Loud) or BRB (Be Right Back).
- However, you don't want to overuse shortcuts, especially ones that are more obscure.^{[14]
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  Research source} These shortcuts, along with emojis, can be a turn off for some people.^{[15]
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2
Watch your tone. Sarcasm is hard to portray over a text message, especially if you don't know the other person that well. Try to skip the sarcasm when flirting with a guy, at least until you both get to know each other better and are better at interpreting each other's tone.^{[16]
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3
Don't wait too long. Sometimes, you may feel like you need to play games with the person that you like by waiting to respond. It's a type of power struggle. However, in the world of texting, not texting him back in at least a day says you don't like him much.^{[17]
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- So if you do like him, make sure to text him back fairly quickly.
- Really, in the texting world, an hour can seem like a long time.
4
Don't send too many. If you're sending twenty messages a day, that may be too many, especially if he's not responding to every single one. Keep your count lower, in the 3 to 5 range per day. That way, he has a chance to miss you between the times you're texting.
- Also, skip the "Did you get my text?" messages, as they can come off as being too desperate. If he's not responding, he's likely just busy.
5
Skip the alcohol. Texting while drunk means you may text something you regret later. You may flirt a little more than you mean to, or you may turn the guy off because you're saying crazy things. While it may not be easy to stop yourself when you're in the situation, try to avoid it if possible.^{[18]
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6
Try not to read into everything. If you're an overanalyzer, text messages can be your worst nightmare. It gives you just enough text to analyze but not enough so that you can really glean more information from it. If you have this tendency, try not to read too much into what each text is saying. Sometimes, a "Hi." is just a hello, not him saying he's not into you because he didn't use an exclamation point.^{[19]
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7
Look over your texts before sending. You know autocorrect is sometimes not your friend. Read your text to make sure it makes sense before you send it. That way, you won't get a "huh?" back from him.^{[20]
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- Also, while you don't need perfect grammar to send a text, watching your grammar doesn't hurt. Not everyone is offended by imperfect grammar, but a few people may judge you.

Flirting Help

Ways to Flirt with a Guy over Text

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I sound flirty over text?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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If you want to be a little more flirty, try teasing the other person a little bit. Not so much that they'll be upset, but a little playful teasing can show that you're interested in them.
Question

How can you flirt over text without being obvious?

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If you don’t want to go for obvious lines like “I can’t stop thinking about you” or “Hey, hot stuff,” you can still come off as flirty by sending subtle compliments or using humor. For example, say something like “You were awesome in theater class today!” You could also make him laugh by sending him a funny picture or link. When you chat, keep the tone friendly and upbeat by using exclamation points and emojis.
Question

How do you keep a guy interested over text?

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Most people like to talk about themselves, so asking questions is a good way to keep his interest. Keep the questions open-ended (i.e., without simple yes or no answers) to keep the conversation going. Also try to stick to topics you know he’s interested in. For example, you might say, “Hey, what did you think of that last episode of Stranger Things?”