How to Recognise Your Soulmate

Last Updated: August 10, 2021 References

The term "soulmate" usually refers to someone you have an intense chemistry with. Under some spiritual belief systems, it's believed that soulmates are people you have shared experience in past lives with.^{[1]
X
Research source} Although it is certainly debatable whether there's such a thing as a literal soulmate, the fact remains that everyone wants to find someone that really understands them. Even if finding someone special is a priority, it can be very difficult and can't be rushed. Knowing how to spot your soulmate is every bit as important as finding her.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding a Potential Soulmate

1
Focus on yourself first.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} In general, people who place a high value and confidence in themselves are able to give more of themselves to other people.^{[3]
X
Research source} This includes tending to mind and body, as well as your lifestyle, before trying to find someone to share it with.
- Taking care of your body will make you feel more like yourself. Improving your appearance will also make you more physically attractive, making it easier to attract someone.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}
- Shifting your expectations towards others is an important part of improving yourself. Make sure your expectations of another person are realistic before you try looking for someone. It won't get you anywhere if you're being demanding.
2
Nurture an active social life. You can't expect to find a soulmate if you're cloistered away. Although it's never recommended that you go out purely for the sake of finding a lifelong partner, your chances of meeting someone special are vastly higher if you make an effort to get out of the house and into the social scene. Get out with friends, and try to explore areas and situations you're not used to. The more you get out of your comfort zone, the more possibilities you'll be exposed to.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- First impressions mean a lot, but they don't mean everything. If you get a bad first impression from somebody, that doesn't necessarily mean the two of you will have bad chemistry once you get to know each other.^{[6]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
Advertisement
3
Look for common interests and values. Interests say a lot about someone. A great deal of someone's time and experience of life will be based around their interests, and motivated by their values. Finding a soulmate can also mean finding someone whose values are a close match to your own. Finding out about someone's interests can be done through casual conversation. Looking for someone with similar hobbies can help you find a soulmate much faster.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- You can increase your chances of finding a soulmate if you frequent places that relate to your interests. For instance, if you love music, you should make a habit of going to as many shows as possible. You'll meet lots of interesting people that way, and the mere fact that the two of you are in the same place together means you know you have at least one interest in common.
- Don't be afraid to try out someone with completely different interests. There may be a great chemistry regardless, and you'll almost always find common ground with another person.
- Some couples manage to make it work if they have different religious affiliations. However, having opposing views about the meaning of the universe can make it difficult to feel a total closeness.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}
4
Keep an open mind. While it's often romanticized that you will click with your soulmate at first sight, things aren't usually that easy. To know whether you have chemistry with someone, you need to have a real talk where the two of you have the chance to open up. In some cases, you may have met a potential soulmate in passing but never had a chance to unlock the potential there. Keep an open mind when you're meeting new people. You never know who you might hit it off with.
- If you're finding it hard to open up to someone, chances are she's not your soulmate. The same goes both ways; if the other person seems to resist, it's unlikely that she's your soulmate.
5
Stay realistic. No one is ever going to be a truly perfect fit for you in life. Don't get too perfectionistic with looking for a soulmate. All human relationships are imperfect by design.^{[9]
X
Research source} If you find someone who makes it feel amazing to be alive, that should be enough. Any minor flaws should be taken and embraced along with the rest of the package. Major flaws should be approached with caution. If you notice glaring issues with someone, you should think twice before trying to get closer to her.
- Major flaws would count as something that would keep you from feeling satisfied with this person for the rest of your life. On the other hand, minor flaws may be irritating, but they're often seen as negligible compared to a person's positive aspects.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Recognizing a Soulmate

1
Be genuine.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} A true soulmate relationship only works if both people are willing to be completely honest about who they are. This means you need to be okay with being yourself if you want that sort of connection with somebody. If you hide a part of yourself away from the other person, you'll never know if the two of you have that full chemistry.
- This idea obviously goes both ways. The other person needs to be completely open with you.
2
Communicate openly.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} One of the truest things about having a soulmate is the ability to talk to each other without any fear of judgement or censorship.^{[12]
X
Research source} Even in otherwise healthy relationships, couples tend to get into the bad habit of keeping things from one another. Even if this is intended to save the other person's feelings, that's not something you should feel you need to be doing with a soulmate.
3
Look for a feeling of security.^{[13]
X
Research source} If the person you're with really is your soulmate, you should feel completely secure and safe with him. It can be a rare thing to feel completely at home in the presence of someone else. Considering how uncommon this is, a sense of safety like that could be a sign you are in the presence of a soulmate.
4
Develop a mutual sense of trust.^{[14]
X
Research source} Just as with any other relationship, trust is one of the most important things you can have with a soulmate. Even if you have a soulmate-worthy chemistry with someone, all of that can be destroyed through breaking trust. If you think this person is 'the one', you should be trying all that much harder to stay true and loyal to them.
- Even with the strongest chemistry, it can take a long time to really build up mutual trust, especially if you've had bad luck with being vulnerable in the past. Developing trust with someone after bad experiences ultimately takes a conscious decision to go out on a limb and willingly make yourself vulnerable before that person. It's not an easy thing to do for some people, but if the person in question is truly your soulmate, you'll benefit greatly from the intimacy and connection.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Reflecting On the Way You Feel

1
Decide for yourself what a soulmate means to you. If you're looking for your soulmate, it's important to address the fact that the definition can vary from person to person. While some people may see a soulmate as a real, spiritual connection, most simply use the term to describe someone they have a close chemistry with.^{[15]
X
Research source} In thinking this way, it's also important to recognize that there is no 'one' person out there for you. You may end up in a happy, lifelong partnership with someone special, but you could well have ended up with a number of others that could have made you just as happy.
- Take some time to think about it before moving ahead with finding someone. It's important not to be a perfectionist when it comes to relationships. Nothing's going to be perfect.
2
Reflect on your past relationship experience. If you want to recognize your soulmate when you see her, it's often a good idea to look at experiences you've already had for guidance. If you have a dating history, you may be able to identify patterns, both in yourself and the type of people you usually attract. You may find issues in yourself that have made it difficult to fully give yourself over to someone.^{[16]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} If you need clarity in recognizing your soulmate, try asking yourself some of these questions:
- "Where and how did I meet people I became romantically involved with?"
- "What was good about my past relationships? What was bad?"
- "Was there anything I did that may have sabotaged the relationship?"
- "Were the people I've dated in the past the kind I wanted to begin with?"
- "Why did my past relationships end?"
3
Take astrology into consideration. Some people who like to think about soulmates and fate think star signs have something to do with it.^{[17]
X
Research source} Although it is pseudo-science and should only be taken with a grain of salt, it can be interesting to look at your star signs and see if your signs are typically seen as compatible or not.
- Star signs are determined by the time of the year you were born in.
4
Consider the possibility of past lives and flashbacks. If you want to take a spiritual approach to soulmates, you should think about the idea of past lives. If you have a spiritual soulmate, chances are the two of you have spent time together in other cycles of reincarnation.^{[18]
X
Research source} This can appear as a sense of deja-vu.

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

How can I let someone know that I like them?

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.

Christina Jay, NLP

Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Well, I think the best approach is being direct. That might not be for everybody, but I would at least suggest subtle hints. Giving them compliments here and there can be more than enough for them to know that you're interested in them.
Question

How can I get people to notice me?

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.

Christina Jay, NLP

Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Going out alone can build your self-confidence and push you to be more outgoing. You're also more likely to be approached alone as opposed to in a group.

Warnings

Don't get too hung up on the idea of finding a soulmate. The people who actively try to find their true love end up missing out on the other good things in life.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 17 Not Helpful 0
There isn't a such thing as a "real" soulmate. The term is used to describe a person you have close chemistry with. In truth, there are lots of people you could end up with that could make you just as happy.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 15 Not Helpful 4