How to Determine if You've Found Your Soulmate

Last Updated: January 29, 2023 References Approved

Most people want to find the perfect mate. It's an age-old sentiment that we all have someone out there waiting for us. But soulmates are not magical creatures, and they won't fall out of the sky and into our laps. A real soulmate is someone you can spend the rest of your life with, who will challenge you and grow with you. And it takes a lot of work.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Determining Compatibility

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Look for a partner that complements you. To build a solid foundation for long-lasting love look for someone that adds balance to your life.
- Don't rely too much on the old adage "opposites attract." Relationships between opposites can sometimes devolve into dysfunctional relationships.^{[1]
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- For example, if you're the quiet type don't assume you need a partner who is loud. You may never get the chance to speak-up. Rather, search for someone who is relatively like-minded. This way you can both grow together.^{[2]
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Consider your core values. Try to find someone that you can share your deeper beliefs with. If you are religious and your partner is an atheist, you are likely to face some problems down the road. ^{[3]
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- You are likely to be more compatible with someone who has the same basic moral values as you.^{[4]
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- Think about what you want out of your relationship. Do you want to start a family? Where do you want to live? If you want to travel, and you find yourself attracted to someone who wants to settle down, take a step back. While the two of you may get along, you may not be able to build a life together.^{[5]
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- Sharing priorities in life is a good indicator of being able to share a life together.
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3
Stop looking for "the one." Odds are there isn't just one person in the world for each of us. Keep an open mind and don't hold out for the "perfect" mate. ^{[6]
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- It may actually be damaging to think of finding your "one" soulmate. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There is bound to be conflict. Don't take conflict as a sign that you haven't met "the one."^{[7]
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- In searching for "the one" we often look for someone who "completes" us. Don't expect to find a partner that will satisfy all of your needs. Rather, look for a partner that will encourage you to grow and try new things.^{[8]
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Look beyond the physical. Attraction is a good thing in a relationship, but being friends is what will enable you to sustain it. ^{[9]
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- Find someone whose company you enjoy. You should look forward to spending time with that person. You may find someone attractive, but if you don't like spending time with them, the relationship may not last long.^{[10]
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- You and your partner should be able to engage in activities that will bring you together. If you both like music, go to concerts. If you both like being outdoors, go camping.^{[11]
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5
Don't settle for a bad relationship. In your search for love, don't settle for someone that won't make you happy. Don't think you can change them or make them better. You can't change people. ^{[12]
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- If you're not happy with someone, it's likely they aren't entirely happy with you. Don't lead them on. Keep looking.^{[13]
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- Consider your past relationships and any patterns you may have. Think about what worked and didn't work. Try not to limit yourself to the type of people you have dated in the past.^{[14]
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6
Give it time. The more time you spend with someone the better you get to know them.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} If you think you've found your soulmate, keep dating. See how that person grows and how they influence you to grow. ^{[16]
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- It is better to take your time when dealing with a potential life partner. Your relationship will be stronger and better because of it.^{[17]
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- Don't limit your choices with meaningless restrictions. Try not to pick a partner based on the type of job they have, or their age. While it's okay to have preferences, be open minded in your search for love.^{[18]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Nurturing Your Relationship

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Pay attention to how you communicate with your partner. The language you use with your partner is important. Open, honest communication is key.^{[19]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} Make sure you are both able to have a balanced conversation where each person feels listened to. ^{[20]
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- When you talk to your partner it should be kind and loving. Even in times of stress or conflict, the language between potential soulmates is calm. Each of you understands and supports the other.^{[21]
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2
Trust your instinct. You may feel as if you've known your partner for years even if you've only just started dating. If you feel drawn to a person and you want to make them a priority in your life, don't fight it ^{[22]
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- It's important to be enthusiastic about your partner. If they respond with the same enthusiasm, you're on the right track.^{[23]
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Support your partner's goals. Part of being in a relationship is watching the other person grow. Encourage your partner to succeed in their new endeavors. ^{[24]
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- Be enthusiastic about their choices to take up a new hobby, or make a career change. By being supportive of these changes you can boost the relationship as well as your partner's self-esteem.^{[25]
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Share your emotions. It's important to foster a safe place for sharing in a healthy relationship. You should be able to share intimate details with one another without fear of judgement. By opening up to a responsive partner you can increase the intimacy in your relationship. ^{[26]
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- You might struggle at first to share facts about yourself that make you feel vulnerable. But, if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, it's important to forge a deep connection with them.^{[27]
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- Make sure your partner is actively listening when you open up, and do the same when they share things with you.^{[28]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Building a Life Together

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Be flexible. You and your partner will encounter difficult times. It's part of life. How you handle these situations is the test of whether you two are soulmates. ^{[29]
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- Loyalty is key. You need to know that your partner will be by your side even in the worst of times.^{[30]
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2
Resolve conflicts together. Your soulmate will not only stick by your side, but will actively support you in hard times. They will help be encouraging and aware of your vulnerabilities. ^{[31]
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- Be ready to compromise with your partner. Having a soulmate doesn't mean you have found someone exactly like you. In the case of conflict, you may both tackle problems differently. The goal then, is to do it together and be supportive of one another.^{[32]
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3
Be able to forgive your partner. In the event that you or your partner have hurt one another, learn to forgive. Rather than holding the incident over your partner's head, forgive them and move past it. ^{[33]
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- If your partner continues to hurt you, and you wish to remain in the relationship and work things out, hold them accountable for their actions. Working through your problems can make for a stronger, more satisfying relationship.^{[34]
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- Admit when you're wrong. In the event that you are the one that makes a mistake, own up to it. Any strong relationship requires honesty to thrive. If you and your partner can work things out, you have the basis of a solid bond.^{[35]
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Keep the passion alive. While a relationship can't be built on sex and attraction, it is still an important component. Sexual interest and romance are signs of a healthy long-term relationship. ^{[36]
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- A soulmate will look past the imperfections of his or her mate. They will always see their partners as beautiful.^{[37]
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5
Understand that love takes work. Finding your soulmate is not about finding the perfect person. It is about finding someone you can work with. Ultimately, it is up to you to build your relationship with your soulmate. You both will have to put in time and effort to make it last. ^{[38]
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- A long-term relationship is something you choose to be in. You are not obligated to be with your partner, you should want to be with them. You must have a positive view of your relationship.^{[39]
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Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I meet people to date?

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.

Christina Jay, NLP

Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

You can indirectly meet someone through joining a gym or other types of activities that you enjoy. You can also try going out and having a meal by yourself. You're more likely to be approached alone as opposed to in a group.
Question

Can I be in love at age 15?

Community Answer

Yes, but don't assume you will get married to said person. I'm not saying it can't happen, but most high school relationships do not last forever.
Question

What do I do if my soulmate is abusive towards me?

Community Answer

A soulmate is not abusive. Hence, you've encountered someone who may seem special to you but is harmful for you and is a toxic being. Remove yourself from this person and keep searching for your true soulmate, a person who won't ever be abusive toward you.