How to Make a Pass at a Woman: Pro Flirting Tips & Examples

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Dan Hickey

Last Updated: March 1, 2022 References

You’ve spotted a woman you’d like to hit on, but how do you make it happen without coming off too strong? It turns out it isn’t that complicated when you keep a few key boundaries in mind. That’s why we’ve put together a comprehensive list of things to look for, do, and say to help you make a pass at a woman and keep it classy. If you’re ready to approach a woman with confidence and respect, read on!

1

Let go of your expectations.

Most women aren't out in public with the goal of meeting a man. Remember that she’s out for the same reasons you go out: to run errands, to go to work, or to see her friends. There’s a chance she’s open to forming a relationship with you, but it’s not a guarantee.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Approach her like you would any other stranger and focus on being polite and friendly. If you don’t have a specific end goal, chances are she’ll be more receptive to you.
- Expecting or demanding that she reciprocates your attention creates an uncomfortable or off putting dynamic between you.

2

Look for signs that she’s open to talking.

Is she undistracted, not busy or working, or just chilling with a friend or two? These are all scenarios where a woman might be open to a friendly conversation with a stranger. If she happens to look at you, smile, or wave first, then you can feel even more confident that she wants to talk to you.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} When in doubt, use your judgment and think “If I were doing what she’s doing, would I want someone to come up to me?”^{[3]
X
Research source}
- If she’s wearing headphones, reading a book, or on the phone, you can probably assume she doesn’t want to be interrupted.
- It’s tempting to try and engage someone who’s in a large group, but people in big gatherings or group activities usually prefer to focus on the people they’re with.
- It’s best not to approach a woman if it’s dark out, if you’re in a deserted area, or if you’re with friends while she’s alone. These factors can make a woman feel threatened.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}

3

Make eye contact to see if she’s interested.

Look at her, make eye contact, and smile from a distance. Do this multiple times or try sustaining a longer gaze with her.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} If she looks back, smiles or laughs, waves, or reacts positively, you can go introduce yourself. If she purposely looks away, appears uncomfortable, or moves, she’s not open to talking.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If she’s interested in you, there’s a chance that she will approach you herself. That’s a definite sign she’s open to chatting!
- Eye contact is a subtle way to gauge her interest in a lot of scenarios whether you’re at a bar, on the subway, or in a coffee shop.
- Catcalling tactics like whistling, honking, or making kissy noises to get her attention are usually considered disrespectful and inappropriate (and never work).^{[7]
  X
  Research source}

4

Introduce yourself confidently.

Smile, nod, say hello, and tell her your name. Project confidence by keeping your posture relaxed and speaking clearly and calmly. You can offer a handshake if you like, but should avoid any other touching since the two of you are still total strangers to each other (hey, even just a platonic handshake can light a spark!).^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Ask for her name instead of calling her pet names like “baby” or “cutie” when you meet. She doesn’t know you yet and probably won’t appreciate those terms.
- Stick with a simple “Hi, I’m Paul” instead of a well-rehearsed, cheesy pickup line (those might work on Tinder, but aren’t very effective face-to-face).
- Pretend you’re only trying to make a friend and not plotting for a date or hookup. Friendly small talk is more effective than you think at getting her to warm up to you.^{[9]
  X
  Research source}

5

Say or ask something open-ended.

A question or observation about something around you is a good conversation starter. Ask her about the book she’s holding or make a comment about how long the line at Starbucks is today. This gives her the chance to talk about something unrelated to a potential hookup with you and makes her feel more at ease.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Try something like “Wow, it’s crowded in here for a Tuesday morning” or “Hey, do you know which aisle the quinoa is in?” to break the ice.
- Smiling, laughing, looking at you, and engaging in the conversation are all signs she’s open to talking more.
- If her response is terse, she’s looking away while she answers, or she’s giving you one-word answers, she probably wants to end the interaction.

6

Compliment her.

Flatter her with a comment that’s not about her looks or body. Say you like a piece of jewelry she’s wearing, or that the pattern on her shirt is really cool. You don’t even have to tell her she looks good in it. Just focus on her taste and style—it makes for a more unique, memorable compliment and is less likely to come off as rude or unwelcome.^{[11]
X
Research source} Try something like:
- “That’s a really cool necklace. What kind of stone is that?”
- “I like your Arctic Monkeys shirt, they’re one of my favorite bands.”
- “The print on your pants is awesome, I’ve never seen it before.”

7

Allude to hanging out another time.

If you’re angling for a date, casually mention something fun to do together. You want the conversation to flow naturally, and trying to make hard plans too soon can ruin the vibes. Instead of directly saying “Let’s go to the Cubs game next week,” try being more aloof, like “There’s a Cubs game next week I’ve been thinking of grabbing tickets to.”^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Try subtly suggesting things like:
- “That Van Gogh exhibit looks awesome, I’ve been dying to go.”
- “I can’t wait for Burgerfest next week, I go every year.”
- “Uptown is a super cool neighborhood, you should check it out sometime.”

8

Give her your contact information.

If it’s going well, offer her your phone number or social media handles. This way, she has the choice of whether or not to contact or see you again after your introduction. You’ll know she wants your info if she seems genuinely interested in getting to know you more or seems really excited about the plans you mentioned (or she might even just ask!).^{[13]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Ask to give her your number instead of just telling it to her. Try “Can I give you my number?” or “I’d like to give you my number if that’s ok?”
- This spares you the awkwardness and disappointment of being given a fake number if she’s not interested.
- Remember that she’s not obligated to give anyone her contact information if she doesn’t want to, no matter how nice or respectful they are.

9

Walk away after a few minutes.

Let her go on with her business after you’ve chatted her up. You don’t want to monopolize her whole night or come off too strong. If things are going well, leave her wanting more. Let her see you laughing with friends, settling in with your laptop and coffee, or being the life of the party.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- If things went well, say a quick goodbye as you’re leaving the bar, gym, or store. It’s a chance to leave another impression and offer your number or some plans if you didn’t earlier.

10

Keep your attention away from other women.

When you stop talking, return to your business and ignore other women. Hitting on her friends or other women nearby is a turn off. Even if you really hit it off, her feelings could turn the second she spots you chatting up another woman at the other end of the bar.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- Be selective when you decide who to shoot your shot with. If a woman sees you talking to multiple others before you even approach her, she’ll probably write you off right away.

11

Erase your expectations (again).

There’s a chance she’ll be receptive to your encounter, and a chance she won’t. It’s totally up to her and her comfort. After you part ways, try not to fixate on her or replay your interaction over and over. If you did your best to be respectful, friendly, and leave a good impression, then you can feel good about the encounter even if you don’t see or hear from her again.^{[16]
X
Research source}

12

Make concrete plans if she reaches out.

If she texts or calls you, you can officially ask her out on a date. Ask her how she’s doing and remember what she seemed interested in when you talked to her. It’ll help you pick something to do and make her feel like you were truly listening to her. After some banter, go ahead and ask her if she wants to meet up.^{[17]
X
Research source} Try something like:
- “I’ve been thinking all weekend about those White Sox tickets. Any chance you’d want to go to a game together soon?”
- “That Monet exhibit we talked about closes in a few days. Wanna check it out this weekend?”
- “Been craving sushi ever since we talked about it at Cocoran’s haha. Maybe I can take you out to dinner tonight?”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you approach a woman in a grocery store?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Make a comment about the items you're looking at or ask for her opinion about them. You could say, "Do you know which one of these salsas is best?" or "It's hard to pick which brand, isn't it?" Hopefully, she'll respond back to you. If she seems receptive to talking, keep the conversation going so you can ask for her number or give her yours.
Question

How do you tell if a girl likes you?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The biggest sign a girl likes you is that she gives you her full attention. If she seems focused on you and interested in talking to you, she probably likes you. Just go for it and ask her out!

Warnings

A woman shouldn't be touched without her consent. Even if you’re really hitting it off, getting touchy too soon can ruin your chances with her. If she agrees to go on a date with you, you can consider getting physical in a way that makes sense for both of you.^{[18]
X
Research source}

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
Women have the same right to privacy in public that most men have. If you’re approaching a woman for anything other than gender-neutral reasons (like asking for directions or offering assistance), she might view it as a violation of privacy and respond negatively.^{[19]
X
Research source}

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0