How to Know if Your Friend No Longer Likes You

Co-authored by Tracey Rogers, MA

Friendships can be powerful things, but sometimes people's opinions about one another change. Whether from new life experiences, the passage of time, or any variety of other factors, sometimes people just don't want to be friends anymore. Sometimes that isn't very clear, and there are a variety of signs you can look for that should tell you that someone does not want to be friends anymore. If there is something wrong, you may try to fix it, or it might be best to end the friendship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Looking for Signs

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See if your friend is acting negatively towards you. If your friend is regularly insulting or belittling you, or starting arguments over all kinds of things, they are not being a good friend. If your friend is doing this, confront them, and ask them to stop. If your friend doesn't, that is not a good sign.^{[1]
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- Types of insults can include teasing, sarcasm, and cynicism, comments that may sound like jokes, but are meant to hurt you.^{[2]
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  Research source} Some insults are more subtle, like backhanded compliments (complimenting you for negative things) or guilt-tripping (where your friend blames you for their distresses and problems).^{[3]
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  Research source} In many cases, your friend may try to pass these insults off as humor, and ridicule you for taking them personally.
- It is possible that your friend doesn't know they are insulting you. If you are concerned, confront them. If your friend didn't know, they may apologize right away.
2
Look out for how often you are communicating. If your friend doesn't like you, they probably aren't making much of an effort to stay in touch. This means not just talking, but emails, texting, or any other form of communication. If you and your friend aren't talking very much, it is hard to say that you are still really friends.^{[4]
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- This reduced communication can refer to frequency or length. You may not talk as often as you used to. Or, if you do talk, your conversations are now very short, and you find that you don't have much to talk about.
- You can also see this if you are the one making an effort at communication. Friendship takes effort. If you are the only one trying to stay in touch, then your friend is probably not interested.
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Ask yourself how you learn about new things in your friend's life. Along with not talking much, chances are your friend won't have been keeping you up to date with changes in their life. Friendship takes effort, and you shouldn't learn new things about your friend only through other people or social media.^{[5]
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See if your friend ignores you for time with others. If you try to make plans, and your friend says they are too busy but is later out with other friends during that time, that would be a sign of rejection.
- People change, have new interests, and new friends. If your friend appears to be doing other things with new people, then those new people probably fit in better with their new interests.
- If your friend is not spending more time with others, but becoming withdrawn towards everyone, that could be a sign of more serious issues, like depression.^{[6]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source} If this might be the case, gather others, and as a group encourage your friend to seek help.
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Think about how it feels being around your friend. If your friendship is turning sour, your meetings will be tense, and you may feel anxious or uncomfortable in each other's presence. There may be a larger concern that you are not dealing with, or maybe you two have grown apart.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Finding Reasons for the Change

1
Talk to your friend. Ask them about the things you have been noticing that suggest they don't like you. Be open and honest about your concerns. It may not solve all of them right away but may help you if your friend doesn't like you, or is angry about something in particular.
- Be prepared to be conciliatory, especially if you think your friend is angry at something you may have done. Showing you are open to compromise and reconciliation encourages your friend to do the same.^{[7]
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- When discussing your concerns, it is better to use "I" Statements. Don't start your complaints with "You," (as in "You are...") which makes your opinion seem like a fact. Instead, lead with how you feel when your friend does something negative towards you ("I feel..."). After that, name your friend's behavior and why it makes you feel that way. This makes your statement less accusatory.
- If you think you were in the wrong, but are not sure why it might be good to give an open-ended question. You want to allow them to talk, not give a simple answer to a direct question. Ask what is wrong, or what you did wrong.
- Be sure to give your friend some space after apologizing or asking for a response. This can be a lot to process, and you shouldn't expect an answer right away.
- In some cases, it can help to take a self-inventory. Don't be afraid to ask your friend for their radical honesty in how you can be a better friend.
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Ask yourself if things have changed in your lives. Life leads people in different directions, and those directions may not include you or your old friends. Your friend may have new interests, and new friends that share those interests more than you do.
3
Don't get defensive. Learning a friend doesn't like you can create some negative emotions. While you don't want to suppress them too much, it is best to use them as an opportunity to think more about yourself. Try to figure out what you are feeling (anger, fear, humiliation), to figure out what you can do next.^{[8]
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- Ask yourself what you think your friend meant. People don't always know the impact of their words and actions. Bringing it to their attention can get an apology. Or, perhaps they did mean it as a personal insult, in which case you will want to think about how much you want to keep this friendship.
4
Evaluate your friendship. You may have been (or became) a toxic friendship. These can be bad for your physical and mental wellbeing, and you should not be afraid to end it.^{[9]
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Research source} Is this person a true friend? If you have been growing apart, especially for some time, then your friendship has probably been ready to end.
- Signs of a toxic friendship include: asking for advice, then belittling or ignoring it; dumping their issues on you without offering support for your problems; regularly picking fights or competing with you, and never being happy with your success.
- In a true friendship, you and your friend will be supportive of one another, stay in regular contact, and be able to discuss disagreements respectfully and with some amicable resolution. True friendships take effort, and both of you need to be willing to put in the effort.^{[10]
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Accept it. It does you no good to force someone to stay friends with you. That will likely only make things worse. It does not mean you failed, just that things have changed.^{[11]
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Sample Signs and Conversation Help

Signs Your Friend No Longer Likes You

Talking to a Friend You Suspect No Longer Likes You

Community Q&A

Question

My friend and I used to be super close and talk and hang out all the time. Recently we haven't talked as much as we used to. I don't know what to do or say. Help?

Community Answer

It depends on what you want to accomplish. Sometimes people just drift apart, so if you're okay with the friendship ending, you don't have to do anything. But if you miss her, tell her! Say something like, "I miss the way we used to hang out all the time. We should try harder to stay in touch." If she doesn't seem to be interested in being friends anymore, that's tough, but you'll have to accept it and move on.
Question

My friend recently didn't sit with me in class. She ignores me when she's around her other two friends from another class. She feels jealous when I hang out with other friends instead. What should I do?

Community Answer

Talk to her; it may just be a misunderstanding. Maybe she feels restricted with one friend, so she's expanding her friend circle. The best option is to talk to her.
Question

I did something to my best friend and now she will not talk to me. Does this mean that our friendship is over?

Community Answer

Try talking to her. Apologize and tell her that it won't happen again. Tell her that you really value your friendship with her and you hope she can forgive you. If she won't talk to you right now, you may have to wait a few days for her to calm down first.