How to Cope when Your Friend Stops Talking to You

It can be tough when a friend cuts you cold and won't talk to you. While you can't make them stop this behavior, you can do your best to show them that you want to make amends for anything you've done or to clear up any misunderstandings.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

If You Think You Haven't Done Anything Wrong

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Consider the possibility that you haven't done anything to provoke this silence. In some cases, people use silence as a means for breaking off a relationship because they lack the ability to explain their actions or preferences. If your friend has reached a decision, for whatever reason, that they don't want to carry on with the friendship, this might be an explanation as to why your friend has stopped talking to you. It's a harsh thing to realize but it might be the cause in some cases, a silent way of breaking a friendship.
- Consider whether there is a new relationship in your friend's life. Sometimes a new boyfriend/girlfriend or a change in family members can cause a person to change their friendship priorities. It's not an excuse to go silent but it may be a reason behind the silence.
2
Ask your friend to talk with you about what's happened.^{[1]
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Research source} He or she may agree to discuss the matter with you openly and honestly. However, if your friend refuses to talk and continues to ignore you, realize that your friend has chosen to take this passive and immature approach to cutting you off rather than being truthful with you.

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Realize when it's healthier for you to let go.^{[2]
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Research source} After you've tried several times to talk to your friend to no avail, it's not likely that your friend is going to change this approach. A friend who continues to ignore is no friend and ceases to be worth your time. As much as this hurts, for your own sake, you'll need to start looking after yourself by realizing that the friendship is probably over.
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Seek solace with other friends and family members whom you can trust. Perhaps some of them can shed light on why this person has treated you like this. But most of all, they'll be able to reassure and support you through what will be a sad time. Eventually there will be a new friend who is happy to talk to you.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Put this down to experience. Sometimes people do things in life that you just can't fathom but it's down to their internal issues, not about who you are as a problem. Ultimately, it's their loss as much as it is yours.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

If You Think It's Your Fault

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Consider what you might have done to cause your friend to stop talking to you. If you had an argument, accused your friend of something or failed to support your friend when needed, then you are at least partially involved in whatever influenced your friend to go silent.
- Consider whether you might have said something unkind, hurtful or thoughtless that encouraged your friend to feel a need to distance themselves from you.
- Listen to your gut. In some cases, it's not one thing but a series of little things that lead to a "last straw", when someone has finally had enough of excuses, bad attitude or broken promises. Is that possibly the case?
- Have you been a bit of a self-absorbed nuisance lately? In some cases, if you've been going through an "it's-all-about-me" phase, such as planning a wedding or going through something major in your life, your friend may have reached the endpoint of coping with your drama or neediness.
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Apologize to your friend. Be honest about your actions and accept responsibility for hurting your friend and offer to make amends. Explain that you understand how they are hurt by what you did and that you're sorry.^{[4]
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Allow your friend time to consider your apology. Don't push things, just let time heal your friend's feelings.^{[5]
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Research source} With luck, your friend will accept your apology and things will smooth over between the two of you. When things are back to normal, take care not to do the same thing again that caused the rift in the first place. If your friend doesn't want to talk to you still, see the solution offered at the end of the following part.
- Tell your friend that you're happy to resume being friends whenever it feels like the right time for them. No pressure, no judgment.
- More help can be found in How to confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment.

Community Q&A

Question

My BFF and I had a small disagreement. I sent her an email proposing a solution, and she hasn't replied since she said, "Maybe we just need a break." I am really upset. What do I do?

Community Answer

As hard as it is, the best thing to do in cases like this is to give that friend the break she suggested. It's scary to do that because you fear that time not talking or hanging out will lead to an irreversible disconnect, but that's not necessarily the case. Wait a few days, then reach out and ask again if you can talk and try to work things out.
Question

My best friend is ignoring me. He never texts me first and doesn't seem interested in talking to me. How can I make him appreciate me?

Community Answer

Try going up to him in person and and telling him how you feel. Maybe something's happened, or maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Tell him how you're feeling and see if you can figure out how to move forward. He may just not be interested in remaining friends anymore, so be prepared for this possibility.
Question

For some reason my friend is completely not talking to me. Another friend told me that their mum doesn't want them to see me anymore. What should I do?

Community Answer

If you can't get in touch with your friend directly, you should try contacting their mom, or if you'd be too nervous to do that, ask one of your parents to get in touch with their mom to ask what's going on.

Warnings

Do not make your friend feel bad. You can't change what has happened between you and you definitely can't make them change their mind unless they want to.

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