How to Get Used to Dating a Nice Guy

Co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 15, 2021 References

If you’re constantly falling for “Mr. Wrong,” it can feel strange to suddenly date a nice guy. Actual nice guys are kind, respectful, and loving, which is usually a great foundation for a relationship. In many ways, you’ll get used to dating a nice guy just by sticking with him! Give yourself time to adjust and challenge negative thoughts whenever you have them. Keep reading to learn how you can break your habits of the past and get used to dating the right guy.

1

Tell yourself that you deserve a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, we assume that we don’t deserve love. However, everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them feel healthy, happy, and in control. If you’ve only dated people in the past who made you feel bad about yourself, it can take some time to unlearn those negative thoughts.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- It might be helpful to repeat a mantra to yourself, like, “I deserve love and happiness.”
- You might also find it helpful to talk to a mental health professional.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
  Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
  Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}

2

Make a list of his good qualities.

What do you like about the guy you’re dating? Maybe he’s funny, smart, kind, charming, or intelligent.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Sit down and literally make a list of all the good things about him to remind yourself why you like him.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Try contrasting those traits with the guys you’ve dated in the past. For instance, maybe your last boyfriend was rude or arrogant. Since you didn’t like that about him, you’ll probably like that your new guy is smart and down to earth.

3

Praise his acts of service.

Nice guys tend to do a lot for the people they love. Try not to take those things for granted, and appreciate him for what he does for you.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Thank him for doing nice things, or write them down so you remember just how good of a partner he is.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Maybe he picked you up from work, bought you flowers, took you out for dinner, or comforted you while you cried.
- Try not to take advantage of him, either. If he does something nice for you once, it doesn’t mean you should expect it every day.

4

Get to know him on a deeper level.

Ask him questions about his life to move beyond surface level. Nice guys are just like you: they have hopes, dreams, fears, and goals in life. Once you get to know him, you’ll probably find yourself appreciating him for who he is. Ask things like:^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
New York State Government
Official website for the State of New York
Go to source}
- “Who are you closest to in your family?”
- “What’s your happiest memory from your childhood?”
- “Where do you want to be in 5 years?”

5

Let your guard down and open up to him.

Nice guys are actually nice, so you can trust him. If you’ve been with a lot of not-so-great people in the past, it might be tough for you to open yourself up and let him get to know you.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Try to remember that he’s a kind, loving person who only wants the best for you.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You might also feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, or you keep expecting something bad to happen. If you catch yourself thinking that, remind yourself that you don’t have to wait for the next bad things.

6

Give yourself permission to feel comfortable.

You can relax and enjoy your relationship if it’s going well. Remember that relationships shouldn’t be exhausting or difficult, and you should have a good time with your partner overall. There may be some moments where you feel angry or upset, but for the most part, you can take a step back and feel happy about where you’re at.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Sometimes, dating the wrong people makes you think that all relationships should include turmoil or heartbreak, but that’s not the case.

7

Do something scary together to increase your attraction.

Get your adrenaline pumping to see a new side of him. Watch a scary movie, go skydiving, or visit a haunted house. Make the experience positive so you can increase your attraction to him.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- In unhealthy relationships, people often mistake fear for attraction. If you can experience fear in a safe way and attribute it to your new partner, you may be able to grow closer to him.

8

Try a new sexual fantasy to add some excitement.

If your sex life is a little boring, spice it up a bit. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy—something as simple as introducing a new toy or trying a bit of role play can get your blood pumping. This will increase your sexual attraction toward him and leave you more open to his advances.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- You could also ask him if he has any sexual fantasies, although he might be a little shy about them at first.

9

Keep living your own life to create healthy boundaries.

In healthy relationships, you can maintain your outside interests. Keep up with your friends and go do your hobbies outside of your relationship. This might feel like a change if you’ve been stuck in bad relationships before, but it’s much healthier than spending time with your partner all day every day.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- You should definitely try to see your partner a few times per week, but give yourself some alone time, too.

10

Tell him you need a little space if you feel suffocated.

Nice guys can sometimes come off as clingy or needy. If you’re struggling with that aspect of your relationship, sit your partner down and explain what’s going on. Tell him that it’s not his fault, but you’re just used to a little more independence within relationships. You two can strike a balance that works for the both of you.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Say something like, “I love that you’re so invested in this relationship, but texting and calling me 24/7 makes me feel a little suffocated. I want to see you and spend time with you, but not every single day.”