How to Get Closure Without Contact

Co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: April 15, 2022 References

When a relationship ends, getting that final closure can help you wrap things up in a neat bow and put them behind you. But when you two aren’t on speaking terms, how do you get that closure? While you may never be able to completely understand what was going on in the other person’s head, there are ways you can get closure on your own. Read through this article to learn how you can start to heal and move on, even without talking to the other person.

1

Unfollow your ex on social media.

The less you keep tabs on them, the faster you’ll heal. Even if you aren’t in contact with your ex, you might still follow them on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. For now, unfollow your ex on everything to give yourself a chance to regroup. That way, you won’t have to relive painful memories every day.^{[1]
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- You might also want to get rid of anything that reminds you of them, like sentimental gifts or photos of the two of you.

2

Feel your feelings without judgment.

Let yourself feel whatever you need to so you can heal. After a breakup, it’s normal to feel angry, sad, hurt, or upset. You might also feel grateful toward your ex or even a little bit relieved about the breakup. Whatever your feelings may be, don’t try to block them—feel them and let them out so you can move on even faster.^{[2]
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- Sometimes, a breakup can cause emotions to happen in stages, almost like the stages of grief. Fortunately, the end of this response is almost always acceptance and forward motion.

3

Give yourself permission to take the time to heal.

After a breakup, it’s normal to feel a little down. Make peace with that fact, and don’t be afraid to take some time for yourself. The more gentle you can be with yourself, the better.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You might need to take a couple of days off school or work, which is okay. If it helps you process and start to heal, then it’s definitely worth it.
- Try to come to terms with the fact that you might not ever understand why the relationship ended in the way that it did.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
  Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
  Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}

4

Talk about the breakup with close friends.

Venting to your friends gets your feelings out. You might not even need to talk to your ex if you have close friends around.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Tell them what happened with the breakup, why you’re upset about it, and what you’re doing to get closure. If they’re good friends, they’ll let you talk about it as much as you need to, which will help you move on.^{[6]
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- Make sure you’re venting to people who you trust, and not people who will gossip about you to your ex.
- Friends can also be a great source of distraction. If you’re feeling down and need to take your mind off of things, call up a friend for a fun hangout.

5

Write your ex a letter, but don’t send it.

A letter lets you express your feelings without any consequences. Sit down and write your ex a letter, pouring your heart out about everything under the sun. Talk about how you’re feeling, what you’re going through, and what you hope happens as you move forward. When you’re done, rip up the letter or burn it to feel a nice sense of closure all on your own.^{[7]
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- Still don’t feel satisfied? Feel free to write multiple letters and destroy them, one after the other, until you feel better.
- Or, you could write your feelings down in a journal.

6

Forgive them in your own mind.

If you can forgive your ex, you can start to move on. While forgiveness isn’t a requirement after every breakup, if you’re still harboring feelings of anger or resentment, it may be something you want to work toward. Forgiving someone lets go of all those negative emotions so that you can focus on bettering yourself and moving on.^{[8]
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- The great thing about forgiveness is that you don’t have to let the other person know that you’re forgiving them. You can just decide to do it one day and then move on.

7

Think positively about your ex.

Thinking positively can actually help you move on faster. While it sounds counterintuitive, studies show that people who looked back fondly on their past relationship felt better about the entire thing, even after a breakup.^{[9]
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Research source} If you can, try to focus on the good things about your ex, and all the fun that you two had together.
- It’s totally fine to remember the bad with the good, too. You don’t want to romanticize your ex, but you don’t want to vilify them, either.

8

Distract yourself with fun activities.

Filling your schedule will help keep your mind off of things. If you find yourself ruminating about your breakup, get yourself out of the house by taking a nature walk or going to a local restaurant. If you want some company, call up a friend or a family member to keep your spirits up and distract you for a little while.^{[10]
X
Research source} You could also try:
- Mini golfing
- Dancing
- Hiking
- Roller skating

9

Pick up a new hobby.

Try something new to help yourself move on. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try, but you never had the time for? Now’s your chance! Sign up for a hobby class or watch some YouTube videos about it to get started.^{[11]
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Research source} You could try:
- Film photography
- Embroidery
- Rock climbing
- Flying drones

10

Practice self-care.

Treat your body well so that your mind can heal. After a breakup, it’s easy to forget about keeping yourself comfortable. Make sure you’re eating healthy meals, sleeping 8 hours per day, and getting some light exercise. Make time to do one nice thing for yourself each day for self-care.^{[12]
X
Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} You might try:
- Taking a bubble bath
- Exercising
- Painting your nails
- Meditating
- Journaling^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
  Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
  Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}

11

Set new goals for yourself.

Look forward to the future and all it has to offer you. When you’re single, you might have different priorities than you did when you were in a relationship. Sit down and come up with some new goals for yourself, either short-term or long-term ones. Then, focus on those and take steps to complete them day by day.^{[14]
X
Research source} You might write a list like:
- Save up for a down payment on a house
- Finish college and get a degree
- Get a certificate to switch career fields
- Buy a new car by the end of the year