How to Find a German Boyfriend

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Dan Hickey

Last Updated: April 11, 2022 References

The idea of finding a boyfriend in Germany is exciting, but where do you meet an eligible match? And once you find one, how do you navigate dating in another culture? Fortunately, there are reliable places to encounter the German man of your dreams, and the rules of German dating are easy to follow. To help you out, we’ve put together a comprehensive guide to help you meet a German man and master dating in Deutschland to land yourself a boyfriend.

1

Build friendships with German men.

Germans typically date within their close-knit social circles. They prefer to get to know one another gradually before officially dating or forming a relationship, so simply befriending a German man is a great way to get on his romantic radar. In Germany, the strongest couples really are each other's best friends.^{[1]
X
Research source} Look for friendship opportunities in places like:
- Coworkers or friends of friends
- Local community events or festivals
- Places you visit frequently like gyms, coffee shops, or even on public transportation

2

Explore German nightlife.

Germany has a vibrant club and bar scene, especially in big cities. Many German singles in their 20s and 30s meet during a night out. German men are shyer than in other countries, and probably won’t approach you right away with their pickup lines. Keep your eyes peeled for signs of interest like eye contact, smiles, or dancing near you, and don’t be afraid to make the first move!^{[2]
X
Research source}

3

Sign up for a hobby group.

German men are more likely to ask you out if you share a common interest. Attend meetings as frequently as possible to get to know your German guy of choice better without having to go on a formal date. This is a great way to speed up the dating process, which is notably slower in Germany than in other countries.^{[3]
X
Research source} Some fun hobby groups might be:
- Recreational sports or gaming teams
- Volunteer groups for charities or causes you care about
- Book clubs, painting classes, improv teams, or other artistic activities

4

Try a singles meetup group.

Singles meetups are popular throughout Germany. They’re a fun and safe way to meet others looking for a relationship and there are many options for your age group, sexual orientation, or strong beliefs. Even if you don’t meet the man of your dreams, you’ll probably find friends with similar interests that can broaden your German social circle and increase your chances of finding Mr. Right.^{[4]
X
Research source}

5

Sign up for a dating app.

Germans use many of the dating apps you’re familiar with. It’s slightly less mainstream to meet on an app in Germany since many prefer to date people they already know, but it’s steadily growing in popularity. Germans tend to be cautious and care about online privacy, so you’re more likely to encounter a man who’s genuinely interested in learning more about you and forming a connection than just looking for a one-time hookup.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Look for German men on the apps you’re familiar with like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid, or explore apps that are popular in Germany like ElitePartner, Parship, and eDarling.

6

Plan a low-key first date.

A German guy wants to casually learn more about you. Suggest something like a quick coffee meeting or a walk through the park where you can talk rather than a fancy dinner at the hottest restaurant in town.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} He wants to see if you’re a potential long term match and won’t be impressed by flashy, expensive, or romantic gestures. If your first date doesn’t feel like a real date, you’re doing it right.^{[7]
X
Research source} Some other low-key date ideas might be:
- Grabbing a drink (literally just one) at a casual bar
- Going out for ice cream or dessert in the evening
- Planning a walk or playtime for your dogs, if you have them

7

Make specific plans in advance.

Germans value clear directions and knowing what to expect. When planning a date or get-together, suggest a day, time, and location so there’s absolute clarity on when and where you’ll be meeting. The farther in advance you plan, the more they’ll appreciate it (a few days or a week ahead of time is ideal).^{[8]
X
Research source} For example:
- “How about dinner at Bäckerei this Thursday at 7pm?”
- “Let’s visit the art museum this weekend. How’s Saturday at noon?”
- Suggest days or times you’re free when you’re initiating the plans. “I’m free on Friday, are you?” works better than “When are you free?”

8

Be punctual.

German men are always on time and expect their dates to be too. Time is very valuable in German culture, and being punctual is a sign of respect. If you plan to meet at 8:00, he’ll be there by 7:55 waiting for you. Showing up late without a good excuse is a surefire way to start things off on the wrong foot.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Of course, unexpected things happen that cause you to be late. Give your German guy as much warning as you can that you’ll be tardy and he’ll more than likely understand.

9

Skip the small talk.

German men prefer real conversations and don’t enjoy polite chit chat. Small talk seems superficial or shallow to most of them. Instead of flirty chatting to catch his attention, jump right to the point of your conversation and ask him questions to start to get to know him.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} If he’s into you too, he’ll do the same.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- It might seem rude or cold to skip pleasantries, but Germans have a different definition of “polite” than other countries. To them, it’s respectful to get right down to business.
- German men also don’t do a lot of touching when you first get to know them. Instead of greeting them with a big hug, try a firm and simple handshake.^{[12]
  X
  Research source}

10

Offer to split the bill.

Women often offer to pay for things in full or 50/50 in Germany. The country is pretty advanced when it comes to gender equality and in hetero relationships, it’s not always expected that the man will foot the bill for every date (but some old-fashioned guys might still offer, especially early on). Both partners have a mutual understanding that splitting the check for a meal or purchasing your own event ticket is very common.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- German men are usually fairly frugal and good at managing their money. They find it attractive when their partner is the same.

11

Accept his honesty as a sign of respect.

German men will say exactly what they think. It comes off as more blunt than in other cultures, where vague language and white lies are used to soften your words and be polite. Don’t be surprised if he tells you the cake you made is dry or that the dress you’re wearing isn’t his favorite. He isn’t trying to be rude—he’s giving you an honest opinion out of respect.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- On the plus side, you never have to wonder how a German man feels. He’ll be very honest about whether he likes you or not.
- Germans also say “no” more easily than in many cultures. They want to crystal clear when they talk and leave no room for ambiguity.
- He’ll expect you to be just as honest with him. He’ll take what you say as the truth and be hurt later if he discovers you only complimented him “to be nice.”^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

12

Talk about your travel goals.

Germans love to travel and have more vacation time than anywhere else. They even call themselves the “Weltmeister” (world champions) of vacationing. Impress him by laying out your dream destinations or talking about your favorite past trips and experiences. Bonus points if you’ve already got an organized itinerary ready for your next adventure you can show him.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- Ask him if he’s got any suggestions for your next trip. He’s probably pretty well-traveled already and would love to give you some tips.
- Germans travel internationally fairly frequently. There is a good chance you’ll meet a German man on your next cruise, trip to a large cosmopolitan city, or visit to a popular international tourist spot. Keep your eyes peeled!

13

Date one person at a time.

He’ll be offended if he finds out he’s not the only man you’re seeing. In many cultures, it’s common to casually date two or more people at once until you decide to form a relationship with one. In Germany, things move slower and people usually explore one potential partner at a time.^{[17]
X
Research source}

14

Follow through on your promises.

A German man will always do what he says he’s going to do. He’ll call you, pick you up from the airport, or run errands for you just because he said he will (even if he doesn’t want to). Trust him when he makes these promises, and follow through with the same vigor when you tell him you’ll do something.^{[18]
X
Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} If he thinks you’re unreliable, he’ll be less inclined to want a relationship with you.^{[19]
X
Research source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I have an interesting first date?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Instead of just sitting face to face and talking on your first date, it is more fun to do some activity together. For example, you can walk around or visit a museum and have a natural conversation.
Question

How can you have a great conversation on a date?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you want to have a great conversation, do not skip from subject to subject and make it appear like an interview. Talk about one topic at a time and go deeper into it. For example, you can ask, Where did you grow up? And they may say, I grew up in Detroit. And you might say, wow, tell me about Detroit. What was it like growing up in Detroit? And then you might say, I heard that Detroit is having a renaissance right now.