How to Deal With a Copycat Friend

Last Updated: September 3, 2020

Many people say that copying is the sincerest form of flattery, but if you don’t agree with that saying, then a copycat can seriously frustrate you. If you’ve got a copycat friend, this could be a serious problem. Not only is she potentially harming your friendship, but she's undermining your individuality. At the same time, she might be reflecting her own insecurities while undermining her own individuality.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Reflecting on the Situation

1
Identify if your friend is a copycat. You don’t want to just plain out accuse your friend of being a copycat. The first thing you need to do is think about her actions, your relationship, and the situation in order to properly identify if your friend is really a copycat. Consider the following:
- Does your friend dress the same way as you?
- Has your friend incorporated mannerisms like your own?
- Does your friend talk like you?
- Has your friend ever stolen your ideas and tried to pass them off as their own?
- Does your friend like to date the same people as you, or has she tried to steal crushes or romantic interests?
2
Rule out that this is a normal part of friendship. Perhaps your friend is not simply copying you, but you are also copying your friend. Often times friends sort of feed off of and influence each other. It might be that you have a reciprocal influence where you are both copying each other to an extent. If this is the case, you might be able to stop mimicking your friend and embrace your own style. She might do the same.

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3
Get an outside opinion. Find someone you can confide in, maybe a relative, or a very close friend of your own. Avoid involving a friend you both share—this will just put that person in an undesirable situation.
- Ask the person to evaluate the situation to see if she agrees that your friend is a copycat.
- Your confidant might agree with you, or she might disagree with you.
- This will give you more perspective before you take any further steps to deal with the copycat.
4
Consider current trends and popular culture as an explanation for your friend’s actions. It might be that while you think you’re very cutting edge and hip, that you are following current trends (you might not be trendy, just avant-garde). Your friend could also be taking the same cues from TV, radio, and other forms of media, and trying to stay cool. It could also be that your friend is taking cues about “coolness” and popular culture from you – you are her barometer for what is currently cool.
5
Remember that imitation is the highest form of flattery. You could choose to approach your copycat’s actions as a compliment. After all, you are the best judge of how harmful her actions are.
- If you think she is just complimenting you, then it might be ok.
- Consider if her imitation is undermining her own individuality.
- Consider if her actions are undermining your own individuality.
- Decide how frustrating your friend’s actions really are for you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Communicating with Your Friend

1
Nurture your friend’s individuality. Do what you can to encourage your copycat friend to embrace her own style, taste, and individuality. You can do this several ways:
- Compliment her on original things she does.
- Talk about her good features.
- Ask her about ideas that she comes up with.
- In a subtle way, discuss how important it is to be an individual.^{[1]
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2
Avoid being passive aggressive. Don't take out your frustration with your friend instead of actually communicating with her. Dropping hints or challenging her on things she does might just frustrate her. Avoid the following:
- Using the tone of your voice to show that you're mad at her.
- Being sarcastic in order to show your frustration.
- Telling mutual friends that the person is nothing but a copycat.
3
Talk to her about specific incidents in which you think she's copying you. If you don’t want to confront her about her overall copycatting, there are some smaller steps you can take to maybe let her know that specific things she does frustrate you or makes you unhappy.
- If she's copied your style or the way you dress, mention that you were trying to stand out that day.
- If she's talking the way you talk, tell her that you’re trying to be an individual.
- If she's trying to steal your ideas in work or school, tell her that you’ve worked really hard and you’d prefer that the work remains your own.
- Make sure to do it in a polite, and non-offensive way. Remember, she might not even realize what shes doing.
- If she gets overly defensive, back off and reassess the situation.
4
Communicate to your friend about how her copycatting makes you feel. Let her know that it either frustrates you or makes you uncomfortable. Make it clear that this a serious problem for you. Talk about your feelings and how her actions upset you.
5
Initiate a serious discussion, if everything else has failed. If your friend hasn’t really taken any of the cues or suggestions you’ve been dropping along the way, you need to talk to them.
- When you’re alone, tell her you’d like to talk about something that concerns you.
- Tell her that you feel that her actions are undermining your individuality.
- Tell her that it is a good thing for everyone to have their own taste and personality.
- Tell her that she's an awesome person and you think she is really cool and smart.^{[2]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Individuality

1
Alternate your style. If you find your friend is copying the way you dress or other aspects of your personal style, switch things up a little bit. This might show your friend that it’s okay to embrace different styles. Maybe she'll even experiment with different styles on her own.^{[3]
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2
Avoid sharing information about your consuming habits. If your friend is wearing the same fashions and hairstyles as you, don't give them the information she needs to continue copying you. This might push her in the direction of developing her own style.
- Suggests places and styles that might encourage her to develop her own style.
- Be vague about where you get your stuff.
- Don't go shopping with your friend.
3
Keep your inner most thoughts to yourself. If your friend hasn’t really taken other cues from you, hold back a little bit. Don’t share everything that you think and feel. Especially don’t share the things that you think she might try to make her own. This will hopefully encourage her to think for herself and to embrace her own uniqueness and individuality.
4
Mark your creations and your personal style and thoughts as your own. Some of the worst copycats will try to steal your creations and make others think that they are her own. There are a number of things you can do to avoid this problem.
- If your copycat is the one who steals your writing and art, sign it and date it.
- If your friend copies your room styles and belongings, be creative. If you want to, buy stuff and wear stuff they won’t be able to find. But don’t let this go too far, you don’t want to lose your own unique style.
- Announce ideas or anything you’ve produced on social media so that everyone knows who is responsible for them.
5
Create a social circle independent of your copycat. Part of the problem you have with your copycat might be the fact that you share the same social circle. This could lead to a series of problems, including your copycat wanting to date the same people as you or steal your crush. But if you create a social circle independent of your copycat, it will be much harder for her to imitate you and steal your show.
- Rely on friends and family from different parts of your town or community to introduce you to a different social group.
- If your copycat and you go to the same school, find some friends at another school.
- If your copycat tries to steal your crush or wants to date the same people as you, try to find romantic partners from an outside social circle, and avoid introducing them.
6
Put some distance between you and your copycat friend. If the situation is really bad, and other steps have failed, you should consider distancing yourself and spending less time with your copycat friend. You might even want to cut her out of your life entirely. But consider the following before you take this extreme measure:
- You’ve tried to nurture them and push them toward her own individuality.
- You’ve explicitly communicated your frustration with her actions.
- She's done little or nothing to remedy her copycatting.
- The person’s copycat actions have turned malicious or harmful.^{[4]
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Warnings

Your copycat may not respond well to any of the above tactics. If she does not, and you cut them off, she might try to ruin your name, slander you, or cause other trouble for you. Be careful how you handle the situation.

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Don't hurt your friend’s feelings. She might not have realized you were upset!

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