Can an Aromantic Be in a Relationship? What it Means to Be Aromantic

Co-authored by Jessica Swenson and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: November 15, 2022 References

Aromanticism sounds pretty simple at first—you don't feel romantic attraction or you aren't interested in romantic relationships. So, what does it mean if an aromantic person has a crush? Like most orientations, romantic orientation exists on a spectrum, so there's a wide range of behaviors and feelings involved. In this article, we'll answer some of your most pressing questions about aromanticism.

Section 1 of 5:

What is aromanticism?

Aromanticism is a romantic orientation where someone experiences little to no romantic attraction. They might be disinterested in pursuing a romantic relationship or they might feel repulsed by romantic relationships. Someone who's aromantic might not feel comfortable with romantic activities like kissing, hugging, or having sex.^{[1]
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- There aren't any hard and fast rules about being aromantic—think of it more as a spectrum. Some people are more comfortable with some romantic notions than other people. It depends a lot on the individual.
- Keep in mind that romantic preferences are specific to the person experiencing them. There's no clinical test that can determine them—it all depends on how you feel.

Section 2 of 5:

Can you be aromantic and still have a crush?

Yes—aromantics can experience different kinds of attraction. Occasionally, an aromantic might feel sexual attraction or even have a platonic crush on someone. These are called "squishes" and they might lead the aro person to develop a queerplatonic relationship (which is deeper than friendship, but not necessarily romantic or sexual).^{[2]
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- Just because someone is aromantic doesn't mean they'll never feel romantic attraction. It is possible for them to develop romantic feelings after forming a strong emotional bond over time—this is referred to as demiromantic.
- If you're unsure if you're looking for or capable of feeling romantic love, you may identify as a grey romantic. This term just means you're still figuring things out or don't want to define yourself further.^{[3]
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- It's okay to an aromantic and enjoy romantic things! No two people are the same, and you're allowed to enjoy whatever makes you happy.

Section 3 of 5:

Can relationships with aromantics work?

Yes—aromantic people experience all kinds of loving relationships. Just because aromantics aren't looking for romance doesn't mean they can't have affectionate, platonic relationships. Aromantic people can have fulfilling friendships, platonic relationships, or relationships with family members.^{[4]
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- A person can be aromantic if they've had romantic relationships in the past or if they're in a relationship and don't feel romantic attraction.
- If you're pursuing a serious relationship, it's always important to be upfront with your potential partner about what you're comfortable with.

Section 4 of 5:

Is aromantic the same as asexual?

No—asexuality is a sexual orientation while aromanticism is a romantic orientation. Someone can be aromantic and asexual, or just aromantic or asexual. Someone who's asexual isn't sexually attracted to others, but someone who's aromantic might feel sexual attraction.^{[5]
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- Both asexuals and aromantics are part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Section 5 of 5:

What does it mean to be both aromantic and asexual?

Someone who's asexual and aromantic doesn't feel sexual or romantic attraction. Just as it's possible to feel sexual attraction or romantic attraction, it's also possible for a person not to feel any type of attraction.^{[6]
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- There are lots of variations a person might experience—an asexual aromantic person could find someone physically attractive, but not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship, or they might not enjoy a romantic or sexual relationship but like to hug or kiss.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do aromantic people act?

Jessica Swenson
Community Psychologist & Licensed Clinical Therapist
Dr. Jessica Swenson is a Community Psychologist & Licensed Clinical Therapist and the Founder of Transformative Growth Counseling. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in relationships—both romantic and familial. She earned her PhD in Community Psychology from National Louis University and her MS in Clinical Psychology from Roosevelt University. She’s also a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional.

Jessica Swenson

Community Psychologist & Licensed Clinical Therapist

Expert Answer

Honestly, sexual orientation and preferences are subjective to the person that's experiencing them. Someone who's aromantic tends to be more focused on just facts and less on the romantic connection, and this kind of thought could be used in a variety of different ways. It's generally not a good idea to try to come up with a black and white term for exactly every sexual identity you can have.