How to Be Nice to Your Brother

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Last Updated: July 10, 2022

Sometimes it's easy to be hard on your brother or to take him for granted. Yet, for many people who have a brother, it can be a good thing to take stock of his good qualities, to recognize all the great things he does (including for you), and to give him a morale boost that shows him you really do care about him and that you're glad he's your brother.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Saying Something Nice

1
Give him a compliment. Sometimes a kind word is enough of a boost to get someone over a difficult moment or a hard day. Here are a few simple suggestions to try out:
- ”You have great ideas! You’re always so creative.”
- ”I’m super lucky to have you as a brother. “
- ”You’re so fun to play with because you’re so athletic.”
- ”I really like your smile.”
2
Show your love. Three simple words: “I love you.” They carry an immense amount of weight, and mean so many different things to many different people. Saying you love your brother is an amazing display of emotion.

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3
Try to avoid the negative. Try not to be a nag, or tattle-tale, or nuisance. Brothers are no different from anyone else and can easily become riled if they think they're being told on, prattled at, or bothered constantly. Think about how annoying it could be if he were to be this way with you, and really try to remain positive.
- Always practice kindness when interacting with your brother! Being kind and speaking to them with respect shows that they should do the same for you.
4
Praise him. Never hold back praise for your brother. If you notice something great he has done, let him know (it's also a good way to get him to do it again).
- If he’s been putting in extra effort studying for a specific class, tell him how great his study habits are, and how well he’s going to do in the class.
- Even during failure, praise can be used to reinforce resiliency. Try saying, “Great effort. You almost had it that last time.”^{[1]
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- Remember to praise the effort and not the result. If you praise the final product or the success, he may associate the praise with success and forget about all the effort it took to accomplish the goal.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Doing a Kind Deed

1
Back down from trivial and pointless arguments. There are bound to be arguments occasionally between siblings and they can strike at any age. Instead of continuing to engage in a fighting mood, know which battles are worth pursuing and which ones are best left alone. Try to compromise or even see his side of things for a change when you do feel completely unhappy about what's happening between the two of you. You might just shock him into seeing your point of view as well!
2
Practice kindness and respect. Go out of your way to do this even when it’s abnormal or unappreciated. At the very least it could help you two avoid potential argumentative or bossy situations.
3
Clean your brother’s room. This could be a tough task, especially if he is a slob, but it’s something that could really make him happy. Try to put what he likes at the forefront, and what barely gets used into the recesses of the closet.
- Organize his movies or music alphabetically. Make it so he knows exactly where his favorites are located.
- Fold and organize his clothes. From time to time, clothes just get disorganized. Straighten up his closet and get all the similar items together.
- Vacuum and dust. Actual cleaning may take a little elbow grease, but it's a good bet if your brother doesn't really like people messing with his stuff.
4
Do extra chores assigned to your brother. Doing your brother’s chores will give him extra time to do what he likes. Being selfless helps you to really reflect on how much you appreciate and love your brother, and it’s surely something he would appreciate. There may even be the added benefit of your parents noticing and rewarding you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Giving a Gift

1
Give him space. Providing nothing but time alone may not seem like much, but it could be exactly what he needs. Aim to give your brother the space he needs to get on with his life and expect him to do the same for you. While it's nice to spend a little time together, don't crowd him out all the time and try to insist he be your best pal.
2
Buy him one of his favorite things. Unexpected gifts at unexpected times are a great way to make people happy. It doesn’t have to be huge, just make it enough to show you are thinking of him.
- If you’re on the way home, try picking up his favorite fast food treat. No one can resist their edible vice.
- Checking out at the cash register? Grab a bit of candy he likes. There is a reason those candies are up there, and it’s because most people will make impulse purchases based on the things they like.
- A simple card with a heart-felt note is a great way to get your feelings across. Try one that plays music for a good laugh.
3
Give him something of yours. Most people with brothers or sisters covet something their sibling has. If you have an item you don’t use any more, like an article of clothing, some jewelry, or a favorite electronic item, re-gifting is a great way to show you care.
4
Make something for him. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or take a long time, but there are a bunch of ideas for easy-to-make items that show you spent time.
- A homemade tic-tac-toe board is simple, and sets up a great time playing a game together. Six moving pieces comprised of X’s and O’s, and a board with four lines, there really isn’t much else to it.^{[2]
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- Crochet or knit something simple. If you have particular skill with thread, a crochet project like making a granny square might be a nice item to make.
- Try a paper plate clock! Useful, functional, fun, and perfect for your brother to hang up in his room or office. It’s especially useful if he’s always late.

Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Spending Time With Your Brother

1
Be there for him during tough times. Life doesn't always go according to plan and there will be times when he needs you. Be there for him and be supportive when he experiences relationship, job, health, or other problems. In turn, he's more likely to be there for you.
2
Go on a trip together. You can learn a lot about one another when you're away from your normal environs and you're doing something that requires you to support each other. Try to set up some outdoor activities with him to just spend some quality time.
- Camping is a great get-away. Set up a tent, start the fire, break out the s’mores. A night under the stars could be a great bonding experience.
- Exercise together in the mountains. Grab a mountain bike or just put on some running shoes before you hit the trails.
- Fishing is a great way to have a quiet moment together. Sitting near some serene water could provide a moment for you to both have a great discussion, and you might even catch some fish.
- If you live apart, make time to meet in a local cafe or one another's house to catch up over coffee or a meal. And if you live overseas, arrange for one of you to make the "journey of a lifetime" to catch up with each other in the foreign destination.
3
Find some entertainment together. Find a way to laugh out loud or cheer with one another, a moment that just allows you to let loose in your brother’s company.
- Jokes and tales can be a great way to reconnect without the usual hubbub of sibling life around you. A comedy club could be a great way to laugh until your sides hurt. Maybe you’d even like to try your hand at stand up comedy?
- Choose a movie to watch together. Go to the fancy theater, a dollar theater, or rent. Whatever it is, even if it’s something on TV, find a movie in which you will both be able to immerse yourself.
- Go to a concert. Dress up, sing all the songs, dance until your heart is content. Going to a concert might even improve your health.^{[3]
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4
Stand up for your brother or be there for special events in his life. Sometimes he might be in a situation where he needs your support and backing in a public way. Be sure to be there for him as a person who trusts and believes in him.

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Displaying Love

1
Give your brother a big hug. Just hug him and tell him that you love him and that you're proud of him. You don't need any excuse for this; any time is a good time.
2
Engage in the good things your brother does. This means setting aside the things you find annoying, bothersome, and unfair. Try to put aside your sense of competition and desire to outdo him. Simply list what things he does great and show you appreciate those activities.
3
Take care of him when he's sick. Bring him chicken noodle soup, take his temperature, or place a cool washcloth on his forehead. Be his doctor for a day.
4
Kiss your brother. It’s quite common in many cultures to give kisses for a variety of reasons. Sometimes a peck on the cheek will do, and others a kiss on the lips. Maybe even the top of the head or forehead. Wherever the kiss, it’s a simple sign showing you are willing to display emotion.^{[4]
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5
Give him a hand massage. Hands and the surrounding area carry a lot of tension, and it’s not so invasive as to be awkward. This is especially useful if your brother uses his hands for work all day.
6
Play with your brother. Whether it’s rough-housing around, skipping together, playing tag, or a friendly game of punch-buggy, being physical with your brother is a different form of physical interaction he may enjoy. Breaking a sweat together is a great way to bond.