How to Get Along with Your Little Sister

Becoming the best older sibling you can be

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD

Last Updated: March 17, 2023 References Approved

Becoming Friends with Your Sister

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Resolving Fights and Arguments

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Spending Time with Her

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Q&A

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Tips

It's not always easy, but it’s always worth it to be nice to your little sister. It may not seem like it now, but your relationship with her is one of the most important relationships in your life. Having a good relationship with your sibling will make both of you happier, and help you to be the best versions of yourselves. We'll give you some advice on how you can become closer with your little sister, how to resolve arguments, and some ideas for how you can spend quality time together.

Things You Should Know

Make some time to talk to your sister every day, and treat her how you want to be treated.
Take a deep breath to calm yourself during arguments, and work to find a compromise.
Help your sister with her chores or homework, and ask her if she wants to hang out or play games together.
Talk to your parents if you're having a problem that you're not sure how to fix.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Becoming Friends with Your Sister

1
Talk with her often. Show an interest in her life by talking with her whenever you see her. This behavior tells her that you care about her experiences and thoughts. For example, ask her about her day and quietly listen to her answer. For example:
- "Hey, Jane! What did you think about the new Avengers movie?"
- "Who are your best friends at school? What do you guys do together?"
- "What do you like to do after school?"
2
Treat her with respect. When you treat someone with respect, you show them that you’re interested in their good opinion. Additionally, if you’re respectful towards your little sister, she will eventually be respectful towards you as well. For example:
- If she makes you angry, resist the urge to yell at her.
- If she’s bothering you while you’re trying to do homework, nicely tell her that you’re busy.
- Don’t use her things without permission, even if she uses yours.
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3
Avoid getting angry over sibling rivalry. Many older siblings struggle with jealousy towards their younger sisters. They often think that their younger sisters get more attention from their parents. Even if this is true, it’s not your little sister’s fault. She has no control over the behavior of your parents. Instead, talk to your parents about your feelings and offer solutions. For example:
- Schedule some time to spend alone with your parents each week.
- Ask your parents if you can stay up an hour later than your sister. This will give you one-on-one time with your parents.
- Schedule family activities that will let you spend time with your parents and your sister together.
4
Congratulate your sister on her achievements. When you congratulate your sister on something, you’re showing her that you admire her. She will enjoy knowing that you’re impressed by her, especially if she looks up to you. Someday she may even start congratulating you in return! Some examples of achievements include:
- Graduating into a new grade
- Doing well on a test
- Successfully climbing a tall tree
- Doing well at a dance recital
5
Put yourself in her shoes. Many of us are frustrated by younger siblings, especially when they’re being mean or annoying. The first step to addressing this frustration is putting yourself in her shoes. The more you relate to her, the easier it is to be nice to her.^{[1]
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Research source} For example:
- Does she look up to you? Many younger sisters idolize their older siblings.
- How old is she? Were you a lot like her when you were that age?
- Think about the things that frustrate or anger her. Do they also frustrate you?

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Resolving Fights and Arguments

1
Try to stay calm. If you lose your cool, the fight will escalate out of control. First, take a deep breath and count to ten. If you can’t relax, leave and come back later. Once you’ve calmed down, being nice to your sister will help keep you composed. For example:
- Speak calmly and respectfully even if you’re upset.
- Resist the urge to hit or push your sister.
- Listen to everything your sister says and think about her words.
2
Ask yourself if you should be upset with your sister or not. Sometimes a situation will upset you but it won’t be your sister’s fault. For example, if you’re angry that your parents gave her one of your toys, you shouldn’t be mad at your sister. She has no control over the situation. Instead, talk to your parents.
- Remember to stay calm when talking to your parents about your feelings.
3
Ask your sister why she’s upset. If your sister is upset with you, you can avoid a fight by letting her explain her feelings. Many people get frustrated when they think no one cares about their feelings. Show her that you care by listening to her frustrations and acknowledging her anger. For example, you could say:
- "I can see that you’re upset with me. Why is that?"
- "I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Tell me why so I won’t do it again."
- "Why are you upset? Is there anything I can do?"
4
Find a compromise. Try to find a solution that will help you stop fighting. Keep in mind that you both may have to let go of something you want to come to an agreement. This can make you or your sister upset. If you’re both having trouble staying calm, you may need a parent to act as a mediator.^{[2]
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Research source} Examples of compromises include:
- Taking turns using your favorite toy
- Sharing a piece of clothing that you both like to wear
- Taking your sister along sometimes when you hang out with your friends
5
Apologize. If your sister is upset, apologize to her for upsetting her, even if you don’t feel like you did anything wrong. When apologizing, think about her feelings and the reasons that she’s angry. Use these reasons to help you create a good apology.^{[3]
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Expert Source

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 25 July 2019.}^{[4]
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Research source} For example:
- "I’m sorry that I used your favorite hairbrush. I won’t do it again."
- "I apologize for hurting your feelings. I really didn’t mean to."
- "I’m sorry about eating the last cupcake. I didn’t think about whether or not you would want it."

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Spending Time with Her

1
Ask her what she likes to do. Talk to your little sister about fun activities that you can do together. Try to find something that you both want to do. If you can’t, compromise by doing one activity that she wants to do and one activity that you want to do. Ask her about her favorite activities by saying:
- "What do you like to do for fun?"
- "What fun things do you like to do at school?"
- "Let’s play together! What do you want to do?"
2
Help her with her homework. Since you’re older, you have a better understanding of schoolwork than your little sister. If she’s struggling with a math problem or has trouble spelling, offer to help her. Carefully explain the assignment and help her answer each question on her own.
- There’s a difference between helping someone and doing their homework for them. If you give her all the answers, she won’t learn anything.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}
3
Do something quiet together. A great way to hang out with your sister is to do quiet activities together.^{[6]
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Research source} First, invite your little sister into your room to hang out or go into her room. Next, tell her that you want to do quiet things while you hang out. This can include:
- Reading books
- Playing video games
- Drawing
- Playing on your phone
4
Go somewhere fun together. Many of us get bored with our regular schedules. Add some excitement to your hang-out time by going somewhere fun. However, make sure you have your parents’ permission to leave the house with your little sister. Examples of fun places to go include:
- The park
- A local fair or festival
- A mutual friend’s house
5
Find other ways to show you care. If you’re too busy to spend a lot of time with your sister, you can still show her that you care. For example, if you have a driver’s license, see if you can take her with you on a few errands. Other examples include:
- Making her breakfast in the morning
- Leaving a nice note in her lunch box
- Taking her with you when you hang out with friends

Community Q&A

Question

My three year old sister is sassy. How do I make her be nice to me?

Community Answer

Don't respond when she acts sassy. When she's nice to you, shower her with attention. This will teach her that you respond positively when she's nice and that she doesn't get attention when she's sassy.
Question

What if they drive you nuts?

Community Answer

Try to remember that your little sister is younger than you. Younger children can be difficult to deal with. Instead of getting upset, find something fun to do together. If you don't feel like hanging out, calmly explain that you need some alone time and that you'll play with her later.
Question

What happens if she leaves the house when she is mad at you?

Community Answer

Let her leave (if your parents allow it.) It will give her time to cool off so that you don't fight. Later, when she's calmed down, try to talk through your issues.