How to Avoid Jealousy when Your Crush is Dating Your Enemy

Relationship experts offer the best advice to handle jealousy when your crush is fraternizing with the enemy

Having a crush can be a fun experience, but it can difficult when your crush starts dating someone. It can be even worse if your crush starts dating your enemy! It's natural to feel angry, upset, or jealous when this happens, but you don't have to live with those feelings forever. In this article, we'll show you the best ways to move past your feelings, keep your cool with your enemy, and build yourself up to avoid negative feelings. Let's dive in!

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Coping with Jealous Feelings

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    Let it go. Jealousy is a destructive negative emotion. It will eat at you and make you miserable, while making you feel terrible about yourself. Holding on to your jealousy can make you feel bad, act angrily, and make decisions you wouldn’t normally make.[1]
    • One way you can let go of jealousy is to stop comparing yourself to others. Accept that you can't change your crush's mind right now. Stop obsessing about your crush and focus on other things, like yourself, your friends, or your interests.[2]
    • You can repeat to yourself, "The negative energy of my jealousy is not worth my time. I am better than this."
    • Your jealousy may cause you to talk bad about your enemy or your crush. You may confront your crush or your enemy because you are angry and jealous. This can cause a lot of problems. Letting go of the jealousy or ignoring it can help you avoid these situations.
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    Accept that you and your crush may never work out. Your crush may be dating your enemy because the two of your will never work out. Just because you have a crush doesn’t mean the person will like you back. This is just an unfortunate part of life. One way to avoid getting jealous is to accept that maybe it was just never meant to be with you and your crush.[3]
    • You can take the time to be sad and get over your crush. You won’t be able to just let it go immediately. In the long run, it will be better for you if you accept this and move on.
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    Notice other potential crushes. One way to avoid jealousy when your crush starts dating someone you don’t like is to move on from the crush. Unfortunately, maybe your crush doesn’t like you. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it just may mean you two are not compatible. Take this opportunity to look for other potential crushes that may work out better.[4]
    • If you spend your time being jealous of your crush and your enemy’s relationship, you may miss an opportunity to start dating someone really great because of your jealousy.
    • Look around at the people you interact with. Are there people that you have things in common with or find attractive? These people may be your next crush.
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    Realize that your crush isn’t as great as you thought. If your crush starts dating your enemy, don’t instantly feel jealous. Jealousy means you feel bad because someone has something you don’t, which often makes you feel bad about yourself. Instead, take it as a reason to really look at your crush. Really look at them. Objectively think about whether they are as great as you thought.[5]
    • If your crush is dating your enemy, maybe your crush is someone you might not like. Why do you not like your enemy? Are they mean or a bully? Did they do something to hurt you? If your crush is dating them, maybe they are not a nice person like your enemy.
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    Consider that there might be a reason your crush likes your enemy. Take a moment to step away from your jealousy and think about your crush. There is probably a reason they like your enemy. Maybe they find your enemy attractive, share similar interests, or have fun when together. Your crush is a person who has interests just like you.
    • Just because your crush likes your enemy instead of you doesn’t means there is anything wrong with you. You shouldn’t feel jealous that your enemy got your crush when you couldn’t. There is just not one person for you.
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    Know the relationship won’t last forever. Just because your crush is dating your enemy now doesn’t mean they will be dating your enemy next month or even next week. If you can’t get over your crush, you should be patient while the two of them date. When your crush breaks up with your enemy, you will still be there with your crush.[6]
    • Even if your crush and your enemy date for a long time, that doesn’t mean they will date forever. If you don’t like your enemy, maybe your crush will realize they’re not worth it, too.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Interacting with Your Enemy

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    Avoid trying to sabotage the relationship. If you are thinking about trying to break up your crush and your enemy, you should get that thought out of your head. Interfering with the relationship, especially negatively, may cost you any chance of having a future relationship with your crush.[7]
    • Trying to sabotage the relationship makes you look petty and jealous, which is not something you want people - especially your enemy - to think about you.
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    Refrain from badmouthing your enemy. Because your enemy is dating your crush, you may want to talk bad about them, complain about how awful they are, or even spread lies. You should avoid this. Being negative about your enemy means that you are stooping to their level and not being a nice person. You should take the high road and be nice, or just ignore your enemy all together.[8]
    • Avoid the temptation to go up to your crush and say, "You are dating the biggest jerk on the planet! You should date someone nice and sweet, like me." Doing something like this will only make your crush mad at you.
    • Talking about your enemy to other people may get back around to them or your crush. Your crush might be mad if they find out you are badmouthing the person they are dating.
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    Ignore any teasing by your enemy. Your enemy may know how you feel about your crush, and this may give them reason to tease you or rub their new relationship in your face. If your enemy is bullying you or being mean, just ignore it. Giving in to the teasing by reacting or getting upset just lets your enemy know you are jealous and upset.[9]
    • Don’t give in to the urge to tease or make fun of your enemy in retaliation. This makes you seem petty and jealous, and brings you down to your enemy’s level.
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    Be happy for your enemy. Turn the negative jealous feelings into positive ones. Instead of being jealous that your enemy got your crush instead of them, be happy for them. Be nice to your enemy and your crush. Don’t let your enemy know you are bothered by the relationship at all. This will eliminate any reason for your enemy to be mad at you, badmouth you to your crush, or make fun of you.[10]
    • Every time you get angry or upset that your enemy has your crush, try to think, "Good for them. I am happy they are dating someone." It may not always work, but it will help you start to train your brain away from negative, jealous thoughts.
    • Another way to be happy for your enemy is to stop thinking about them as an enemy. Start calling them by name in your head. Refer to them "my acquaintance" or "that person I know." Changing the vocabulary in your head can help release negative thoughts and help you be happy for them.
    • If you send positive vibes out into the world, you will be happier. Being jealous and angry isn’t healthy. It’s much easier to move on and let go of jealousy if you think positively about the situation.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Focusing on Yourself

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    Focus on yourself.[11] One way to get over jealousy is to stop dwelling on what you don’t have. In this case, don’t dwell on the fact that you aren’t dating your crush. Instead, focus on yourself. Jealousy makes you feel bad about yourself because you feel like you’re not good enough or that you are lacking something. You should take this time to do things to make yourself healthier in mind and spirit.[12]
    • Meditate if you feel overcome with jealous feelings. Sit in a quiet room and breathe deeply as you focus inward, on yourself.
    • You may even think about your jealous feelings and then imagine that you are letting them go. Think about them swirling down the drain like water or floating away like wind.
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    Spend time with other friends. Your jealousy might make you angry and upset. You may feel like sitting in your room, listening to music, and being sad that your crush is dating your enemy. Don’t wallow in your jealousy. Instead, go out and spend time with your friends. Don’t allow your crush or your jealousy to control what you do or your happiness.[13]
    • Hanging out with your friends can help get your mind off of your crush and your enemy. You can forget about any jealousy you feel by doing other, fun things.
    • If you spend time with your friends, you probably won’t even have time for any jealous feelings.
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    Stay busy. A good way to avoid jealous feelings is not to dwell on them. Find things to occupy your time and stay busy. You can get caught up on things you’ve been putting off or do an activity you haven’t done in a long time. Distract yourself from any jealousy by trying new things.[14]
    • For example, you may want to take up a new hobby, start playing a musical instrument, or take lessons.
    • You may want to catch up on your reading or movie watching, or beat that new video game you’ve been meaning to.
    • Doing things that make you happy will help decrease your jealousy and make you overall more content.[15]
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    Think about your good traits.[16] Just because your crush is dating your enemy doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that they are better than you. People are attracted to others for different reasons. Don’t feel jealous that your crush is dating your enemy and feel bad about yourself. Instead, remember that you are a good person with a lot of good traits.[17]
    • You may want to compare yourself to your enemy or think there is something wrong with you because your crush didn’t choose to date you. Don’t think that way. There is nothing wrong with you, even if your crush can’t see how great you are.
    • For example, you may want to write down a list of your good traits. You can keep this list around when you feel jealous.
    • You may write down that you have nice hair, nice eyes, or dress well. You may be a good musician, artist, or athlete. Maybe you’re funny, caring, or good at math. Whatever you think is good about yourself, write it down.
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References

  1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  2. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  3. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  4. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-get-rid-of-a-crush-and-stop-obsessing/
  5. ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
  6. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-reasons-to-let-go-of-jealousy-and-celebrate-your-greatness/
  7. ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  8. ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  9. ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  1. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-reasons-to-let-go-of-jealousy-and-celebrate-your-greatness
  2. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  3. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  4. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-get-rid-of-a-crush-and-stop-obsessing/
  5. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  6. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  7. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/

About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 96,257 times.
16 votes - 82%
Co-authors: 14
Updated: February 23, 2023
Views: 96,257
Categories: Dating

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Article SummaryX

It’s natural to feel jealous when your crush is dating someone you dislike, but there are a few ways you can take your mind off it. Try to avoid comparing yourself with the person you don’t like or thinking about their relationship. Them being together doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means the circumstances weren’t right for you and your crush. Try to avoid the places where they hang out and unfollow them from social media so you’re not reminded of them. Focus on the things you enjoy to distract yourself, like your favorite hobbies and hanging out with your friends. Consider joining a club, which will be a great way to meet new people and maybe even find a new crush. For more advice, including how to boost your self-esteem when you feel down, read on.

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