How to Tell a Boy You Aren't Interested in a Relationship

Last Updated: February 9, 2023

If a guy likes you and you don't feel the same way, it can be an awkward situation. Oftentimes, people do not pick up on subtle hints you're not interested. Therefore, you will have to tell the boy you don't like him directly. After the conversation, be careful about the relationship. You may have to wait a bit to be friends. It can be hard to reestablish a friendship, especially if the boy's feelings were hurt.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Telling Him Directly

1
Choose a good time and place to talk. It's best to have the conversation in person, especially if the guy is a friend. This way, you can make sure there's no confusion and address any questions he might have. Make sure you pick a solid time and place to talk.^{[1]
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- There is no good time to tell someone you're not interested, as the conversation will always be somewhat sad. However, you may not want to tell the guy right before a stressful work or school day. You may want to wait for, say, a weekend when he's not busy.
- Pick a place that does not seem date-like. Going out to breakfast, for example, may feel like a date. Instead, you could tell him you want to talk to him and invite him to a non-romantic public place, like a low-key coffee shop.
2
Think about texting him if you're worried about a hostile reaction. While face-to-face is usually ideal, in some cases it's not the best idea. If the guy has been aggressively pursuing you and making you uncomfortable, send a text rejection. You can email him or text him you're not interested. This will save you from dealing with a potential outburst on his end.^{[2]
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- You should only do this if you feel the guy will get hostile. In most cases, it's best to talk face-to-face.
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3
Plan what you want to say. It can be nerve-racking to spill your feelings to someone, so spend some time thinking about your words. You can even write down your feelings and then read over your notes to try to figure out how to best phrase your feelings.^{[3]
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- Try practicing saying your words a few times before meeting up with him. This way, you can deliver the news in a calm, collected fashion.
4
Be honest and direct. You want to be direct, but not brutal. Make it clear you're not interested in him romantically, but that you still value him. Romantic rejection is always hard, so try to reject him kindly.
- Start off with a compliment that does not sound flirtatious. Say something like "I do think you're a really nice person, but..." or "I have fun hanging out with you, but..."
- Then, quickly let the guy know you're not interested. For example, "But I just don't see you as more than a friend. I'm sorry."
- You can give a reason if you want, such as "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" or "I think we would want different things out of a relationship."
5
Withhold some information, if necessary. Sometimes, there may be a specific reason you're rejecting someone. However, it's not always best to be brutally honest. If you don't know this person well, they're unlikely to change troublesome behaviors just because you ask them to and it may result in them getting hostile. For example, if you don't want to go on a second date with a guy because he talked too much, this information may not be worth sharing.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Navigating the Relationship Afterwards

1
Be careful about being friends. If you were close before the guy developed feelings, you probably want to maintain that friendship. However, sometimes guys feel you will eventually come around if they stay friends with you. If you want to remain friends, make it very clear that you only want that.^{[4]
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- Say something like, "I want to stay friends, but only friends. I don't want you harboring false hope I'm going to come around and see you romantically."
- If the guy does not seem to be getting the hint, you may have to lessen contact or become more casual friends.
2
Lessen contact for a while. At first, the guy may be hurt at the rejection. The two of you may want to reduce contact for a set period of time. This way, he can have time to cope with his feelings of rejection. Being around you too much after being rejected may make it hard for him to move on.^{[5]
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3
Repeat your rejection if necessary. Some guys may not take the hint. Even if you think you've been clear, you may find some men still ask you out or flirt with you. If necessary, remind them on occasion. Say something like, "We talked about this. I just want to be friends."^{[6]
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4
Ignore him if he keeps pressuring you for a romance. If a guy does not leave you alone after you reject him, cut off contact. It's not appropriate to keep badgering someone for a romance if they've made it clear they're not interested. Stop returning texts and phone calls and get rid of him on social media.^{[7]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Mistakes

1
Do not wait to tell him you're not interested. The sooner you tell a guy you're not interested, the better. If you sense a guy is interested in you, address as soon as possible. Letting it linger will only strengthen the guy's feelings, making the inevitable conversation more difficult.^{[8]
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2
Fade away only under certain circumstances. Some people prefer to simply gradually cut off contact from a guy. You may slowly stop returning texts and phone calls and hope the guy takes the hint. If you only met the guy recently, and only had a few dates, this technique is usually appropriate. However, when dealing with a friend who likes you, a more direct confrontation is important.
3
Do not simply avoid him if you have the same social circle. If you know the guy, or if he's part of your social circle, do not avoid the situation. If you know he has feelings for you, simply avoiding him can only last for so long. It's best to address the situation rather than avoiding it altogether.^{[9]
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Expert Q&A

Question

I told him and he still won't stop texting me. He is very controlling over me. What should I do?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If you told him, just stop having contact. Block him from your phone. Go off of your social media for a while. If he threatens you, call the police and get a restraining order.
Question

What should I do if he's my best friend?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If he is your best friend, all the more reason to be open, honest, and direct. Talk with him as soon as possible. But be prepared that there may be a period of time that you and he cannot have contact.