How to Talk Dirty in Bed

Talking dirty in bed with your partner isn't always an easy thing to do. Research says that sexual communication is directly linked to an increased sexual satisfaction.[1] The more comfortable you are talking dirty, the more comfortable you are in the act of sex itself.[2] Dirty talking can even lend itself to open up important conversations outside the bedroom like using protection, likes and dislikes, or even proper consent. Perhaps you are someone who simply wants to spice things up.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Talking Dirty in the Bedroom

  1. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 1
    1
    Start simple. You don't need to immediately say a well-rehearsed line. Position yourself close to your partner's ear.[3] Once your intimacy has progressed, try saying something like this softly into their ear:
    • "Mmmmmm"
    • "Ohhhhh"
    • "Yes"
    • "Ahhhh"[4]
  2. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 2
    2
    Turn it up a notch.[5] You don't need to say a whole sentence. You're merely saying one or two words that will increase the intensity of what's going on in bed. You could whisper these into your partner's ear or even try saying them with a moan:[6]
    • "Keep going"
    • "Wow"
    • "Faster"
    • "Deeper"
    • "Harder"
    • "Don't stop"[7]
  3. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 3
    3
    Go for full phrases. Once you've become comfortable saying simple sounds or easy phrases, you're ready to use full on phrases. Both long and short phrases are effective and really vary on people and the situation.[8] If you are still unsure what you should say, try some of these out:
    • "You feel so good"
    • "I want to feel you deeper"
    • "I want to be yours"
    • "I wish you could do that all night!"[9]
  4. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 4
    4
    Say what you are feeling.[10] You don't have to be so mechanical about talking dirty during sex. Just say what you're feeling, what you're doing, or what you're experiencing in that moment.[11] As you start speaking dirty in the bedroom, try to avoid crude terms until you have a good idea of how your partner will respond.[12]
  5. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 5
    5
    Describe what works and what doesn't.[13] Afterwards, take some time to go over what worked and what didn't. You won't be an expert instantly, so you'll need to give your partner and yourself time to discuss your turn-ons and turn-offs. The best time to talk about these is right after sex, when both of you are relaxed and want to be close.[14]
  6. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 6
    6
    Tell them to talk back. If you are feeling the urge, just whisper to your partner during sex, "talk dirty to me." You may find that even this phrase will spice up the action. There is also a chance that your partner is turned on by this invitation and could really move things forward.[15]
  7. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 7
    7
    Talk dirty as a form of foreplay. Many couples will initiate foreplay with speaking dirty to one another. You could call your partner on the phone and tell them how you're excited to see them and drop a simple line like, "I'd like to kiss and nibble your neck."[16] Catching your partner off guard with dirty talk could lead to an exciting night.
  8. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 8
    8
    Experiment with your voice.[17] If it feels natural, modulate your voice when getting close to your partner. Changing the way you say something in order to release what you are feeling can elevate both of your moods. Whether you scream, whisper, or moan, release whatever you're feeling. Respect your partner and be careful not to put them out of their comfort zone.[18]
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Without Words

  1. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 9
    1
    Moan when the feeling is right. You don't always have to say words in order to spice up communication during sex. Researchers found that nonverbal communication is more linked to sexual satisfaction than verbal communication.[19] Moaning is an easy first step, that won't feel too outside your comfort zone, but it will excite things.[20]
    • Don't over-exaggerate.
  2. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 10
    2
    Breathe and sigh louder than normal. Increasing the volume at which you breathe or sigh, will help your intimacy become more vocal.[21]
  3. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 11
    3
    Use your body language. You can communicate a lot to your partner by softly biting your lip. Body language can get points across in the bedroom, even if you're not trying to reveal something.[22] Careful if you are prone to holding in your emotions because they'll come out through your body language.[23] This is why it's important to be aware of your body language before sex and use it to your advantage during sex.
    • What position you choose can say a lot. For instance, if you go on top, then you have full control of your pleasure and your partners'.
  4. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 12
    4
    Use eye contact. Eye contact can speak the loudest if used at the right time in the bedroom. It can be a great way to initiate things. During sex, eye contact allows you to read your partner's facial expressions and help you gauge if things are working.[24]
Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Relaxing and Preparation

  1. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 13
    1
    Practice relaxing activities. If you are not use to talking dirty in the bedroom, you might feel anxious or worried. These feelings can overwhelm your thoughts and cause your intimacy to be ruined.[25] Practice deep breathing exercises or even try yoga.
  2. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 14
    2
    Forget your worries about being sexy. Focus more on the moment. If you're prone to feeling insecure you could prepare the bedroom or your wardrobe to boost your self-esteem. Set-up the mood lighting with candles or use a thin blanket draped over a light to dim the atmosphere.
  3. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 15
    3
    Watch true romance movies. Don't get inspiration for talking dirty from porn. Porn is a poor representation of genuine intimacy between a couple.[26] Watch a good movie like Match Point, Unfaithful, or Y Tu Mama Tambien.[27] These are also great movies to watch with your partner that will get the blood moving.
  4. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 16
    4
    Have fun! It's not supposed to be serious, and it's more fun when you can play around with ideas and words.
  5. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 17
    5
    Research different adjectives. Say them out loud to yourself or try using them in a sentence like normal. The more you become comfortable saying words like "sexy," "breasts," "vagina," or "penis," the less frightening the words are. They're just parts of the human anatomy.
  6. Image titled Talk Dirty in Bed Step 18
    6
    Add verbs to your adjectives. Doing this will give your phrases an air of personality. Verbs commonly used are 'stroke,' 'squeeze,' 'suck,' or 'touch'.

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    How do you talk dirty without being awkward?
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes.
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Focus on what you're actually feeling, not what you're doing. Don't worry about what you "should" be doing, or if you're doing things "right."
  • Question
    How can I connect better sexually with my partner?
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes.
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Jacqueline Hellyer
    Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Communication is key! Try to get in touch with what you're feeling and communicating that with your significant other. Encourage your partner to do the same—when you communicate and read other well, you're co-creating something that's working for both of you.

Warnings

  • Start small, and work up your confidence.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • You don't want to embarrass yourself, you want to build up your confidence. Whoever it is you're with will appreciate a minimal gesture.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽

You Might Also Like

Talk Dirty
How to
Talk Dirty
Make a Date With an Escort over the PhoneHow to Make a Date With an Escort
Make Sex Better
How to
Make Sex Better
Have Phone Sex
How to
Have Phone Sex
Lose Your Virginity Without Pain (Girls)
How to
Lose Your Virginity Without Pain (Girls)
Have an Orgasm (for Women)How to Have an Orgasm (for Women)
Buy a Sex Toy Under the Age of 18
How to
Buy a Sex Toy Under the Age of 18
Tell when a Guy Is Using You for Sex
How to
Tell when a Guy Is Using You for Sex
Tie Someone Up
How to
Tie Someone Up
Talk to Your Wife or Girlfriend about Oral SexTalking To Your Partner about Oral Sex: Giving & Receiving
What to Say when a Guy Asks What You Like in BedWhat to Say When a Guy Asks What You like in Bed
Try Mutual MasturbationHow to Try Mutual Masturbation
Touch a Guy22 Subtle Ways to Touch Him to Show Affection (or to Turn Him On)
Have Sex Without Falling in LoveHow to Have Sex without Falling in Love

References

  1. ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/talk-dirty-me-how-talking-during-sex-increases-pleasure-242352
  2. ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/talk-dirty-me-how-talking-during-sex-increases-pleasure-242352
  3. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  4. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  5. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  6. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  7. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  8. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  9. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  1. ↑ Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
  2. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_250/288b_love_tip.html
  3. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_250/288b_love_tip.html
  4. ↑ Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
  5. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_250/288b_love_tip.html
  6. ↑ http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Those-dirty-talks-/articleshow/3983256.cms
  7. ↑ http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Those-dirty-talks-/articleshow/3983256.cms
  8. ↑ http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Those-dirty-talks-/articleshow/3983256.cms
  9. ↑ http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Those-dirty-talks-/articleshow/3983256.cms
  10. ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/talk-dirty-me-how-talking-during-sex-increases-pleasure-242352
  11. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  12. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/how-talk-dirty
  13. ↑ https://www.ebony.com/the-body-language-of-the-bedroom-222/#.VeXnx2YxdNE
  14. ↑ https://www.ebony.com/the-body-language-of-the-bedroom-222/#.VeXnx2YxdNE
  15. ↑ https://www.ebony.com/the-body-language-of-the-bedroom-222/#.VeXnx2YxdNE
  16. ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/talk-dirty-me-how-talking-during-sex-increases-pleasure-242352
  17. ↑ Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
  18. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/2013178965/top-10-movies-get-you-mood/

About This Article

Jacqueline Hellyer
Co-authored by:
Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
This article was co-authored by Jacqueline Hellyer. Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes. This article has been viewed 345,315 times.
33 votes - 57%
Co-authors: 24
Updated: March 12, 2023
Views: 345,315
Categories: Sexual Activity

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Article SummaryX

To talk dirty in bed, start by moaning or sighing to express your pleasure. Once you’re comfortable making noises during sex, try some simple words and phrases like, “Yes,” and “That’s it,” to encourage your partner. You can also use dirty talk to communicate your desires. For example, say, “Keep doing that,” or “Faster.” If you want to spice up your foreplay, try incorporating dirty talk to tell your partner what you want to do to them and get them excited for sex. For more tips, including how to improve your vocabulary for talking dirty, read on!

Did this summary help you?