How to Have an Orgasm (for Women)

Last Updated: March 13, 2023 References

Orgasms are a great way to be intimate with both yourself and your partner. These brief moments of pleasure offer a host of benefits, like helping you manage your menstrual symptoms, improving your fertility, and help you deal with various aches and pains.^{[1]
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Research source} Despite what TV shows and movies may lead you to believe, there isn’t just one way to get it on. Orgasms come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and are a great way for you to get really familiar with your own body.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Clitoral Orgasm

1
Explore a bit so you can find your clitoral hood. The female body can seem a little confusing at a glance, but it’s very easy to navigate. Move your fingers around to figure out exactly where your clitoris (clit) and clitoral hood, or the flap of skin covering your clit, are. It may help to locate your vagina, and then follow the labia, or flaps of skin surrounding the vagina, to where they meet right below your clit. Don’t be fooled—although the clit is just a tiny bundle of nerves, it’ll play a huge role in your orgasm.^{[2]
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- The clitoral hood is directly above the clit, so you can bring yourself a lot of pleasure by playing around with it.
2
Press on the top of the hood with your fingers. Achieving an orgasm doesn’t happen right away—before you bask in the pleasure, you’ll need to get the ball rolling a bit. Press along the surface of the clitoral hood, which can bring you all sorts of pleasure. Experiment with different amounts of pressure, which may bring you a bit of stimulation and pleasure.^{[3]
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- There’s no right or wrong way to pleasure yourself! Ultimately, you have to listen to your body and figure out what works for you.
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3
Move this skin between your fingers. Lift up the sensitive skin and hold it between your fingers. Move it between your fingers, rolling it around to create a really great feeling. Keep up the clitoral stimulation to really build up your orgasm.^{[4]
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- Rolling the skin between your fingers may not achieve much for you, and that’s okay! Continue experimenting until you find something that really gets you going.
- You can also encourage your partner to make things extra steamy by sucking or rubbing the general area.^{[5]
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4
Keep your mind in a happy, pleasured place. Try to keep your mind focused on what you’re trying to achieve, instead of thinking about the anatomy of it all. If you’re only thinking in technical terms, you may end up losing some of the magic that you’ve been building up all this time.^{[6]
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5
Lube up as you keep lightly stimulating the area. As you pleasure yourself more and more, your clit will become even more sensitive, and possibly difficult to handle. Dip your fingers or toys in lube, and apply light pressure around the area. Continue pleasuring yourself gently until you achieve an orgasm!^{[7]
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- At this point, it’s best to avoid direct clitoral stimulation. Your clit will be really sensitive, and direct stimulation will hurt instead of bring pleasure.
6
Move around a lot if you’re being intimate with a partner. Constant movement is a great way to build up pleasure and stimulation. If you’re feeling adventurous and your partner is penetrating you, wrap your legs around your partner for more dynamic pleasure, or gently push their head down if they are giving you oral. Experiment a bit until you get into a groove that works well for you.^{[8]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

G-Spot Orgasm

1
Find your G-spot inside of your vagina. The G-spot is a slang term for a special spot in your vagina with the potential to bring you some intense orgasms. You can find it 1 to 2 in (2.5 to 5.1 cm) in, along the upper/top wall of your vagina. This spot is typically spongy, puckered, and ridged, which makes it a bit easier to identify. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t find it right away—it may take a little exploration first.^{[9]
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- When you’re aroused, your G-spot will swell a bit and be easier to find.
2
Pleasure the area with your fingers until you achieve an orgasm. You can reach an orgasm on your own if you know where your G-spot is. Rub your fingers over the spot, playing around with different speeds and applying different amounts of pressure as you go. There’s no exact formula to follow that will guarantee an orgasm—instead, keep playing with yourself until you feel a really intense wave of pleasure.^{[10]
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3
Help your partner find your G-spot with their fingers. Sit down on a flat and separate your legs, which will make it easier for your partner to explore. Guide their fingers to where your G-spot is, so they know what they’re working with. This can help save you a lot of trouble further down the line!^{[11]
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4
Try different moves in bed to reach orgasm. Experiment with your partner so you can find something that works well for you and your personal needs. Invite your partner to massage your G-spot or play around with different amounts of pressure as they pleasure the area. If you’re really getting into it, opt for the missionary position or doggie-style position if your partner is penetrating to really hit your sweet spot.^{[12]
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- You may need to try a few different positions before you find a system that works for you. That’s okay!

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Cervical Orgasm

1
Let your partner know that you’d like to try for a cervical orgasm. Despite popular belief, the clit and G-spot are not the only places that can bring people a lot of pleasure. Since it’s not as easy to pleasure your cervix on your own, ask your partner and see if they’d be interested in experimenting with penetrative sex in the bedroom. ^{[13]
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- This type of orgasm requires much deeper penetration, so you’ll need your partner to be on board beforehand.
2
Pleasure your clit so you’re already turned on. Cervical orgasms are great, but it can be difficult to go from 0 to 60. Instead, pleasure yourself or get aroused with your partner so you’ll be better prepared for your cervical orgasm. If you don’t pleasure your clit ahead of time, you may not have as much success.^{[14]
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3
Invite your partner to try some deep penetration. Your partner could penetrate you with a sex toy/strap-on. Encourage your partner to penetrate as deeply as possible. You’ll likely have an easier time doing this if you’re both in a doggie-style position. Remind your partner that they need to go much further than usual if they want to help you reach a cervical orgasm.^{[15]
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- Reaching a cervical orgasm can be a very slow-going process. There’s no rush to reach the finish line!
4
Relax and enjoy the process. This type of intimacy may feel strange if you’ve never tried something like this before. As you adjust, focus on relaxing yourself and taking deep breaths throughout the process.^{[16]
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- If you start to feel pain, let your partner know so you both can stop.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Anal Orgasm

1
Take a shower or bath beforehand. Getting wet may help you get in a relaxed mindset before you start exploring. It may feel a bit overwhelming at first if you’ve never tried anything anal before, which is perfectly fine! If you can, use the running water from the shower head to provide a bit of stimulation ahead of time.^{[17]
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- Consider adding a couple drops of essential oils into your bath so you can feel fully relaxed.
2
Pleasure yourself a bit so you’re fully turned on. Masturbate or spend getting intimate with a partner so you can experience a clitoral orgasm ahead of time. If you’re already turned on, you may have an easier time reaching an orgasm.^{[18]
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3
Find a comfortable position so you can pleasure yourself. Masturbating on your own can be difficult, but it’s definitely not impossible! Search for a comfortable place where you can lie down and reach your anus. It may take a bit of trial and error before you find a setup that works for you.^{[19]
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- For instance, you can lie face-up with your hips and knees pointed upwards, which makes it easier for your hand to reach over.
4
Lube up your fingers for an easier experience. Keep in mind that your anus doesn’t come up with any natural lube, which can lead to a lot of discomfort if you choose to go in dry. Instead, squirt some water-based lube all over your fingers so you’ll have a much easier time pleasuring yourself.^{[20]
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- Anal masturbation only works well if you have short nails. If you’re really committed to getting an anal orgasm, you’ll need to trim your nails first, or ask a partner for help.
5
Rub along your opening to bring yourself to orgasm. Focus on the entrance instead of actual penetration. Move your fingers around the rim of your entrance, applying different amounts of pressure as you play around. As you adjust, experiment with different amounts of pressure to figure out what’s most pleasurable for you, and what really pushes you to orgasm.^{[21]
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- It may help move things along if you have a clitoral orgasm before you try for an anal orgasm.
- Anal orgasms require a lot of patience. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t reach orgasm right away! It takes some time and commitment before you find the pleasure that you’re looking for.
6
Switch things up with toys and techniques. You may have an easier time experimenting with butt plugs or vibrating toys to really take things to the next level. If you’re with your partner, see if they’re interested in licking or rubbing around the area, which may help bring you to orgasm as well.^{[22]
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Expert Q&A

Question

What happens during an orgasm?

Shelby Devlin, MA
Sex & Intimacy Coach
Shelby Devlin is a Sex & Intimacy Coach based in San Francisco, California. She has over 7 years of experience guiding individuals and couples in deepening their capacity for intimacy and pleasure. Shelby specializes in BDSM therapy, D/s, and fetish exploration. She earned an MA in Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University and is certified in the Somatic Method, an experiential therapy modality. Shelby is also a certified massage therapist (CMT) and an associate practitioner of Ortho bionomy. She has a 5-star coaching rating.

Shelby Devlin, MA

Sex & Intimacy Coach

Expert Answer

A true, full orgasm is a combination of muscle contractions, biomechanical functions, and neurological chemistry. Your pelvic floor, uterus, and vagina all contract, and your brain is flooded with feel-good chemicals like oxytocin, serotonin, opiate, and dopamine.

Warnings

Don’t put pressure on yourself or on your partner to have an orgasm. Orgasms are a unique and very special, sexual experience that shouldn’t be rushed or forced.^{[26]
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Always wash your hands after fingering your anus. If you immediately switch to traditional masturbation, you could “double-dip,” or introduce a lot of unpleasant germs to your genitalia.^{[27]
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