How to Turn Your Partner On

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

In the mood? Hot to trot? Want to turn your partner on and make them feel super fine? Do you want to just blow off some steam or have some tender relations with your partner? Well here are some tried and true ways to getting your partner feeling the love.

1

Romance them.

Taking them out to dinner and a movie is nice, but that's not where the romance is: the romance is in knowing how to treat them right. Listen to your partner. Make them feel important by asking them about their life. Ask them about their day, and ask them what they think about their favorite subject—whatever that may be. (You do know what their favorite subject is, don't you? Understand why they like what they like, and try your best to appreciate their unique interests.) Compliment them on their looks, on how they dress, or the way they smile, as long as you are sincere.^{[1]
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- Don't be too coy about the compliments. If that dress your partner is wearing makes them look hotter than Arizona in August, tell them! Don't be crude, but if they've 'packaged' their assets to be admired, let them know that's appreciated!

2

Flirt with them.

Suggestive comments or even direct comments, sprinkled into your conversation, let them know that you find them desirable. Be flirty and playful.

3

Be confident.

You'll find that most people prefer their partners confident, not insecure. This may require bluffing, but keep this in mind: the more you "bluff" confidence, the more confident you will become--it's sort of a win-win situation.^{[2]
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4

Kiss them often.

When the time is right, and you'll know when that is, kiss your partner. Don't shove your tongue down their throat on the first kiss, but don't start with little butterfly kisses, either. Kiss them like you mean it, and tease their lips with your teeth and tongue.^{[3]
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- Respond to their reactions: if they pull away when you try to kiss them, it may not be time for that just yet. Go back to step one next time, and try again. If they do respond, pay attention to their body language. If they are kissing but guarded, don't continue to the next step until their body language lets you know it's OK to proceed.

5

Touch them lovingly.

Caress their body, paying attention to the secondary erogenous zones first. Give them physical affection. Dig your hands into their hair, and pull them towards you, kissing them harder, touch places that you should not if you are not dating or married. Bunch their hair in your hands, and pull gently. Pay attention to their neck, shoulders, and arms.^{[4]
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6

Talk to them.

Tell her how much you enjoy being with them, that you love the way they kiss, the way they looks, the way they sounds. Let them know that they make you feel good, too.^{[5]
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7

Extend your touching.

The inner arms, like the inner thighs, are fairly sensitive, and when kissed and stroked, can really start to heat things up. Continue exploring her body, gradually heating things up as you sense them getting more turned on.

8

Use your own body language to tell your partner what you want.

Pull them on top of you, so that whatever you want to kiss is near your lips. Roll yourself on top of them, and kiss them harder than you have so far. If your partner likes dominating you, try putting yourself under them.
- Remember that you will receive as much as you will give. If you're in the mood and want them to go out of their way to please you, there are some things you can do to drive them insane.

9

Be confident.

It's not a good sign to start kissing someone who is insecure or unsure if they're doing the "right thing." If you want to turn them on, show them. Don't keep your desires hidden behind a veil of social 'correctness'.

10

Tell them how to kiss you.

When they make the first move, kiss them exactly the way you want them to kiss you. Kiss them hungrily if you want hard, passionate kisses. If you want little love pecks to begin with, give them to your partner and gently rebuff any attempts at harder kissing until you're ready.

11

If your partner is okay with it, be aggressive.

Most people like to know that they aren't the only one chasing the gold. You don't have to pin them down and tear their clothes off just yet, but take the lead in kissing and begin exploring their body. Appreciate their physique if they work out--they'll appreciate it because they've worked hard to be cut.
- Make sure you talk about this beforehand to make sure they're okay with you being aggressive.

12

Get vocal.

You don't have to say "I like what you're doing" if you like what they're doing. Simply say "mmm" or moan softly into their ear. If you're "really" into what they're doing, you can say a little more. If you want him to talk dirty, start the conversation so they know you're okay with it.

13

When they start removing your clothes—don't let them.

Instead, do it yourself. Purposefully, and seductively. When they go to touch (and they probably will), deny them. Where they want to touch you--you do it. Keep this up until neither of you can stand it anymore.

14

Allow your partner to take the lead—sometimes.

When you're ready for more intimate touches from them, show it with your body language. You may have to physically place their hand where you want it, but they'll usually get the picture.