How to Overcome the Sense of Deprivation when Not Being Able to Climax During Intercourse (for Women)

Last Updated: October 9, 2022

Many vulva-owners have difficulty climaxing during sex, but it's easy to feel deprived and alone if you're in that boat. Taking some steps to understand how your body works can help you overcome that sense of deprivation, and even work your way towards achieving climax.

Steps

1
Know that this doesn't reflect badly on you. Don't think that you are not worth living, don't think that you are less valuable because you are simply made by nature the way that it is not possible for you to climax during penetration only.
2
Learn about your anatomy. Learn more about your anatomy and body. Learn about the names of your different body parts, and consider using a mirror to find them on yourself. Many teen health websites can make up for poor, forgotten, or nonexistent sex education.

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3
Find out what you like on your own. Not everyone climaxes the same way. Knowing what you like is important, and once you know, you can mention it to your partner. Spend some time getting to know your body and find out what you like. It will help you and your partner in the long run once you know what makes you orgasm.
4
Discuss new techniques with your partner. Explain that you'd like to try a few new techniques, or explain that you've been having trouble climaxing. A loving, trusting partner will navigate this issue with you.
- Never fake an orgasm. This causes people to feel they know what you like and what supposedly makes you orgasm. Your partner will feel like you don't trust them if they find out.
5
Give feedback during intercourse. Your partner is not a mind-reader, and it helps them to know how you're feeling. Your partner can talk to you as well. Here are some ways to give feedback during intercourse without ruining the mood:
- "Ooh, deeper."
- "That feels amazing."
- "That hurts. Could we stop for a minute?"
- "Do you think we take a break from intercourse and try XYZ?"
6
Be willing to experiment. Learning your own body is a process that takes time. Play around with different positions and toys. Communicate with your partner. Try different things and see what works for you.