How to Get a Guy to Flirt with You

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: July 20, 2021 References

It can be difficult to get a guy to flirt with you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s that he doesn’t know you want to talk to him! To get a guy to spend time with you, you’ve got to send him the right signals.

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Looking Attractive to Get His Attention

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Dress up. Your clothes should be an expression of your personality. Wear clothes that confidently display who you are and that are appropriate for the occasion.
- Show off your curves. Wear form fitting clothes that will highlight your womanly curves.
- Avoid intricate patterns. Patterns can draw the eye away from your body shape and send the message that you don’t want to be seen.
- Wear red. Just looking at the color red can increase your heartrate. Red catches the eye and can add sex appeal to any outfit.^{[1]
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Wear makeup. Use makeup to accentuate the most beautiful aspects of your face. Don’t wear too much though. You don’t want to look like a clown. You just want to draw attention to your best attributes.
- Wear lipstick to show off soft luscious lips.
- Use eyeliner to show off your gorgeous eyes.
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3
Wear high heels. High heels will make your legs look longer and improve your posture to make you appear more confident. They’ll also cause you to stick out your butt and puff out your chest which draws attention to your feminine curves.
- Another reason men are attracted to high heels is because they emphasize feminine movement like the rotation of your hips.
4
Let your hair down. There’s a cliché in films where a girl unties her ponytail to reveal her long, beautiful hair. Your hair is usually the first thing a guy will notice about you. Long flowing hair is perceived as an evolutionary sign of health.^{[2]
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Research source} Let him admire the beauty and length of your hair.

Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Getting Him to Come to You

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Look available. If you appear to be busy with something else, you’ll discourage him from approaching you. He won’t be worried about interrupting you if you act like you have nothing better to do.
- Guys will rarely approach a girl who is concentrating on something for fear that they’ll be rejected.
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Act like you need help. Guys love to play the part of the knight in shining armor. Give him an excuse to come talk to you by acting like you need his assistance. He’ll jump at the chance to prove his masculinity by helping you.^{[3]
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- Look around like you’re lost and need directions somewhere.
- Walk up to a closed door with your hands full so he’ll need to open it for you.
- Ask for help replacing a flat tire.
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Make eye contact. Let him catch you looking at him and meet his gaze for a few seconds. After a few seconds, blush and turn away. Seeing you check him out will give him confidence that you’re interested.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Don’t overdo it. If you stare too deeply at him, you could weird him out.
4
Smile. When he notices you looking at him, give him a quick smirk. Men look for signals that it is okay to talk to women. By smiling at him, you are tacitly letting him know that it’s okay to approach you.
- Don’t smile too big or you could look creepy. Keep it subtle.

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Making Him Feel Comfortable so He’ll Flirt with You

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Keep your body language open. Keep your chest open facing him. You may feel nervous, but resist the urge to close yourself off by crossing your arms in front of your chest. At the very least, crossing your arms will make you appear less confident. You may even offend him as he could interpret your body language to mean that you’re not enjoying his company.
- Men tend to put their hands in their pockets when they get nervous. If you see him doing this, encourage him to open up by remaining open yourself.
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Get to know him. Display a genuine interest in getting to know who he is. Ask him questions about his hobbies, his life and his goals. Encourage him to talk about himself and make sure he knows you’re not judging him. He’ll relax and be able to enjoy talking to you.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
3
Be nice. Be warm and friendly to him. Don’t try to impress him by acting disinterested. Actively listen to what he has to say. Nod your head gently while he speaks to show him you’re paying attention.
- Laugh at his jokes.
- React to his stories.
- Smile as much as you can.
4
Be yourself. He’ll most likely be able to sense if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not to impress him and it will make him feel like he needs to try to impress you. Show him your unique personality so that he feels at ease showing you his.

Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Flirting with Him so He’ll Flirt Back

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Compliment him. Men like to be complimented just as much as women. Find opportunities to let him know what you like about him.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Be genuine though, or he may think you’re making fun of him.
- Say something like “You seem really strong, what gym do you go to?”
- Say “I really like your hair style, what kind of product do you use to get it that way?”
2
Play with your hair. While you’re talking to him, run your fingers through your hair or flip it. Playing with your hair lets him know that you want to be noticed. It will also draw his attention to your hair’s softness and beauty.
3
Make physical contact. Find chances to touch him and make it seem accidental. By touching him, you’re letting him know that it’s ok for him to touch you. Pay attention to his reaction. If he blushes or starts to smile, he probably likes you.^{[7]
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- Brush up against his arm.
- Touch his shoulder.
- Lightly punch him when he tells a joke.
- If you’re sitting down, lightly graze his knee with your own.
4
Guide him to ask for your number. If he doesn’t ask for your number on his own, say something like “I really enjoyed talking to you, it would be cool if we could talk again.” He should get the hint and ask you for your number.

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Keeping in Touch

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Get connected. Become friends with him on social media. Every once in awhile, leave a comment on one of his pages. Make sure your comments are fun and innocent. Don’t leave too many comments though or he’ll think you’re desperate.
- Like his pictures on instagram.
- Comment on his pictures on facebook.
- Follow and respond to his tweets.
2
Send flirty text messages. Text him to see what he’s up to every now and then. Use selective emoticons and memes to respond to his text messages. If he says something like “Work was so boring today.” send back a crying face emoticon or a meme of a cute kitten with the caption “Awe, poor baby!” If he has a sense of humor, he'll respond with his own flirty message.
- Text him to ask what he’s doing that night. When he responds, say “whoops, I meant to send that to my friend, but yeah what are you doing tonight?” Teasing him will make him chase you.^{[8]
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Challenge him. Push him to do things outside his comfort zone and he’ll do the same to you. Dare him to get out on the dance floor and show you his moves or to try something new and exciting that’s a bit scary like skydiving.^{[9]
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- Truth or dare can be a real fun and flirty game that allows you to challenge each other.
4
Be fun. When you’re hanging out at a party or bar that he’s at, let him see you having a great time. Be the life of the party. He’ll see that you stand out to everyone and he'll desperately want to flirt with you.
- He'll see the attention you get from people as social proof that you're extremely attractive.

Community Q&A

Question

There is a guy who often walks up and starts conversations with me. I think he's flirting with me. How do I know if he likes me?

Community Answer

The fact that he approaches you means that he feels comfortable with you. If he makes consistent eye contact, smiles and faces his chest towards you, then chances are that he's attracted to you as well. Keep being yourself and try little things to see how he reacts. Try putting your hand innocently on his shoulder in conversation. If he blushes and gets nervous, he probably likes you.
Question

How should I hug my boyfriend?

Community Answer

I think it depends on the situation. If you're really excited to see him, you can jump into his arms and let him swing you around to show him how much you missed him. If he's your boyfriend, you want to show him that you care so make sure you give him genuine hugs. Avoid the casual side hugs you might give to your friends.

Warnings

The first time flirting with someone can be awkward. Be ready for it.

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Be patient. It may take him a while to be comfortable enough to flirt back with you.

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Don’t stalk. There’s a fine line between seeing him at the gym and showing up at his house uninvited.

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