How to Get a Boy to Like You Without It Being Obvious

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: March 4, 2022 References Approved

Do you want a boy to like you, but you aren't sure what to do, and you're too scared to make it obvious? Don't worry. There are ways you can get him to like you without making it obvious, and boys like a little mystery anyway. You have to master the art of flirting obvious

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Letting Him Do The Chasing

1
Let him pursue you, so he gets the thrill of the chase. Boys are born hunters. It’s also just human nature. People are more likely to prize something they had to work hard to win. At the same time, you don’t want to play games to such a degree that you seem manipulative. So it can be a fine line.^{[1]
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- You can seem like a prize if you boost your own self-esteem. Never be arrogant, but do act confident. Understand your worth, and don’t beg or plead. Don't seem desperate by clinging or always making the first move or following him around too much.
- Let him text you first. Don’t always be available for him – have your own interests and friends, too. Don’t always respond immediately every time he calls or messages you. This doesn’t mean you should ignore him completely. You could go too far and he might lose interest or think you don’t like him. There’s nothing wrong with going up to him with a simple hello.
- Be mysterious. One way to do this is not to reply to every question. So, if he asks, “What’s your favorite color?” you could say, “Why don't you guess?” Or you could look into his eyes for about three seconds, then look away. That might intrigue him.
2
Flirt in a subtle way to give him clues that you like him. You do need to give him hints that you like him. This will actually MAKE him chase you. It’s all about giving him clues without being too obvious. That way he will build up enough confidence to let you know he likes you too. Some contact is key – eye contact, physical contact, mental contact – just not too much.
- Look at him, then look away or down, as if shyly, and then look at him again. Don't hold his gaze for too long with a stare. That can seem creepy. But eye contact is really important.
- Touch him. Although you don’t want to seem too clingy or desperate, you can make brief physical contact with him in a way that intrigues him or gives him hints that you like him. For example, you could brush your arm or leg against his, or touch his shoulder as you pass him in the hall.
- You could playfully punch his arm while joking around with him – just do it softly! You could also talk more quietly, so he has to lean in to hear you. Playing with your hair will give him signals you like him. Make the touches seem unintentional.^{[2]
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- Click "like" on a few of his photos on Facebook or Instagram. Not too much – just one or two so that he notices you and realizes you have noticed him. Text him a joke or casual comment. Use emojis.^{[3]
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  Research source}They are flirty.
- Talk to him! You need to build a friendship first. If you always ignore him, he will probably think you don’t like him, and he might never make a move. So you do need to strike up a conversation now and then.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
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3
Give him space, to make him long for more contact. You should keep it light in the beginning. Something like “Wow! That was some storm last night, huh?” or “Hey, you’re pretty good at basketball! Do you play?” is the tone you should have. Do NOT follow him around like a lost puppy.
- Strike up conversations with him – but not all the time. Make eye contact with him – but not all the time. Show interest in what he likes to do – but not all the time. Text him sometimes – but not all the time.
- Treat him like he’s a good friend in the beginning, while giving him subtle hints there could be more (through body language, a smile, a flirty text). Just be chill around him, and hang out.
- Get to know him in a group. Maybe a bunch of friends go out to a movie, and you see if he wants to come along. Slowly, get to know him better by including him in activities with other people.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Showing The Right Personality

1
Build on common interests so you have things to talk about and experience together. Although you should also have your own interests, take some time to figure out what your crush likes to do. If he likes to hang out in the library, for example, you could go there sometimes too, and eventually he might start talking to you.
- Trying out his interests will create a common conversation and make you appealing to him.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} If you’re in science class with him, talk to him about an assignment or what you’re learning.
- Don’t talk to him constantly about things he’s not interested in. This will bore a boy to tears.^{[6]
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- Determine his personality type. If he’s an extrovert, he will respond differently than he will if he’s an introvert. Extroverts are personality types who need a lot of interaction and conversation with people, so be friendly, talkative, and reach out. Introverts need their space. They feel drained after too much interaction with people. So don’t crowd him too much. Don’t feel rejected because he needs a little time to himself.
2
Be yourself, not someone you think he wants you to be. This is part of the confidence building part. You should never become a chameleon who turns into something you are not to hook a boy. Boys can spot a fake a mile away. There are a lot of things girls do subconsciously to make guys love them, and these should come naturally.
- The way they move, their laughter, their sadness, their energy, their intuition, their sense of humor, their common sense, their enigmatic mystical nature. These are some of the things that boys like about girls. These things will come naturally if it is a good match.
- Focus on other things in your life sometimes – your studies, your family, your circle of girl friends. This will show him that you are confident in your own life, and he will see you in a better light.
- Show him you're smart. If a guy is threatened by intelligent girls, he’s probably someone you shouldn’t like anyway. Don’t try to “play dumb” because you think boys like that. They don’t.
3
Be funny and happy because people like to be around people with positive attitudes. If you can make a guy laugh, he will probably feel positively about you. Don’t take yourself so seriously all the time. Be able to make jokes – including about yourself. Don’t overdo it, though. You don’t want to come across as never serious either.
- You have to be a little assertive. Strike up conversations with him. Ask him about his day. Seem positive. Some girls think if they act sad or depressed, they will get a guy’s attention. They might – but it won’t be the right kind. Being happy is attractive.
- Laugh at his jokes too! Even if his jokes aren’t really that good, what does it hurt to smile and act like it’s funny? This is a way to flirt with him, and he won't even realize it's flirting.^{[7]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Catching His Attention

1
Develop a connection with your crush, even if he doesn't know you like him. What if your crush doesn't know you well or at all? He's a guy you've seen from afar, and you like him, but you're not even sure he knows who you are.
- Go to places where he is likely to be, although don't over do this. But if you know he likes to attend basketball games or hangs out at a certain restaurant, you could show up too. This would work best if there are a group of people going, so ask some of your friends to tag along at first.
- You could let him know through friends that you like him, so they can get a sense of his reaction before you approach him directly. This is a subtler way to clue him in than telling him yourself.
- Go up and talk to him! Keep it casual. But start a conversation. Smile, and say hi, and then next time, talk to him a bit more. Maybe ask him something about a class you're in or that he's had, or something easy-going like that.
2
Seem low maintenance and easy-going. Most boys want a girl they can hang out with who isn’t too much work. Of course, it helps to be pretty. But do highlight your natural beauty.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} Guys are visual creatures.
- No one wants to run their fingers through hair coated with hair spray. Guys tend to like shiny, healthy hair that has bounce to it and that makes them want to run their fingers through it!
- If you’re old enough, a little mascara, a little blush, and a little lip gloss should be all you need. Avoid overly dramatic makeup or heavy eye shadow in bright colors.
- That doesn’t mean you should look messy. Take care of yourself, and dress nicely. Just be who you really are, and be OK with that. You don’t have to wear expensive or designer clothes to look good. You should also eat right and stay in shape. That’s just healthy and of course being healthy will increase your appeal.
3
Act classy, and understand your worth. You want to be someone he could introduce to his friends or his mom. That means showing you have class.
- Dress well, but in a way that is true to your personality. You don't need to overdo it for him, but spend some time figuring out what you look best in.
- Don’t always dress in sweatpants or a hoodie, either, though. Show him you're making an effort.
- Wear a light body spray only. You don’t want to smell like a grandmother or a department store. But a little hint of something – like vanilla – will drive him crazy. You should have a signature scent, so he gets used to how you smell.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Making Him Feel Good

1
Compliment him so he knows you're attracted to him. Now and then you should let him know you think he is cool. Keep it light. Just say something positive to him about him. Who doesn’t like that? If he made a good play in a sport, let him know.^{[9]
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- Ask for his help with something. This will make him feel good and it will make him realize that you think highly of him. This is a good way to approach a boy who doesn't know you very well or even realize you have a crush on him.
- Never forget that boys are pretty insecure. They aren’t sure whether you like them, either. They don’t know what to do. So a compliment here or there can give him the clue to make a move without feeling like you’re chasing him too much.
- Ask him questions, so you don’t seem like you are talking about yourself all of the time.^{[10]
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  Research source}You want to seem like you are interested in who he is and what he likes.
2
Smile a lot to draw him in with your happy personality. People are drawn to people who smile. It makes them feel good, and shows you’re confident. No slouching or looking away when you run into him!
- If you smile, you are going to look prettier much faster than if you cake on makeup. People are drawn to people who seem happy because they want to be happy too.
- Have a gentle, caring nature. Boys like that. Don’t just text him a boring “hey or ‘sup.”
3
Make him feel confident, not jealous. This might work in the short run, but it will backfire big-time in the long run, and it’s kind of mean. You might end up chasing him away.
- Be modest and selfless. Show caring about others. Don’t be a mean girl - even about people not in his presence.
- Avoid bringing drama or negativity into his life all the time. Boys can’t stand this. This also means you shouldn’t gossip or be mean about other people, including other girls, in his presence.
- Don't act too jealous of him, too. It shows a lack of confidence. And understand that he needs time to hang out with the boys.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I attract a guy without being too obvious about it?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

A great way to get to know each other is hold a deep conversation. Rather than jumping between different topics, ask more questions about a single topic. For example, if you're talking about your hometown, you may ask what it was like growing up there or about fun memories they have.